The one in which nothing is a surprise, especially the surprises.
Secrets & Seductions
The Sweet Life #4
FP & Cara Lockwood
CALLED IT.
What's that? Oh, is that the sound of me being right? Mmmhmm, it is. In no time at all, Caroline manages to get the truth about Lila's "pregnancy" from Enid since Enid is Lila's (and everybody else's) OBGYN, and then sells it to TMZ or something and bam! While trying to convince us these characters are well versed in Twitter, these installments still hinge on a completely fundamentally wrong version of how reality TV is taped. It ain't live, people.
Anyway, Lila fakes her miscarriage and pretty much immediately afterward Caroline outs her and bam! Ken leaves. Where, immediately following his "and this time I'm actually filing for divorce!" exit, she finds out she's pregnant. For real.
CALLED IT.
Also called? Annie sleeping around as Easy Annie (flat out said so) and Annie having a thing for old!Bruce. Bruce is hiding out in France, because Francine has a massive hardon for France and apparently they won't extradite him on rape charges ... because America's still big with the capital punishment? Sure, okay.
Anyway, somehow Annie manages to convince Bruce that what he really needs when facing down rape charges is to... wait for it. You're going to love this. Ready? What he really needs to do is channel the OLD Bruce.
Y'know. The one who ran through girls like Kleenex and had a bit of a ego problem.
If the Lila subplot hadn't already done my head in, this right here would. Also, Annie calls Elizabeth her "best friend" and is well aware that Bruce and Liz are still in love with each other, but dammit, Annie wants to get laid, so she unleashes the old Bruce and THEN decides to hem and haw about whether she's ready to burn her professional and moral bridges down for a roll in the hay.
Jesus. Fucking. Christ.
Okay, where are we? Twins! Um, Liz isn't in here much other than she quits her job and then decides she's going to actually go back to trying to prove Bruce's innocence. By convincing Aaron to go undercover at Rick Warren's company to find out if Robin is working for Warren. Oh, and by the way, Steve and Aaron totally got married in the downtime between this installment and the last. Congrats?
Right. Another comment that could be used to infer that Robin is on some fun drugs is made and Liz is out, bitches. Oh, and she doesn't want Bruce to know she's back on the case. Because that's just what we need; another couple who wants to be together not being together because of communication reasons.
Which leads us to Jess who has gone back to her job, only now she's someone's underling and has a crappy assistant, Emily, who she just knows is going to age badly. I'm betting assistant is conspiring with boss lady to keep Jessica down and out. Just throwing that out there. Anyway, TMZ reports (that I fucking hate this whole lazy rely on TMZ for "news" style?) that Liam Whatshisname's new girlfriend is going through a messy divorce. Only Jessica hasn't filed so she assumes Todd has and Todd hasn't so he assumes Jessica has and they both go looking for validation in someone else's arms. In Jessica's case, it's her boss Michael (the one she wasn't interested in before this) and in Todd's it's Sarah, the plagiarizing skank.
Who is doing all this to get back at Jessica. Which makes no fucking sense since she started putting the moves on Todd before Jessica even thought to look up Sarah's work at the Tribune, so the big reveal of Sarah leaking info to Caroline?
Not all that shocking. Gasp.
It's amazing how quickly I went from "this is going to be terrible" to "ohshit, this is actually good" to "HOWTHEFUCKDIDINOTSEETHISCOMINGWHILESTILLTOTALLYCALLINGHALFTHISSHIT?!?!!"
Basically, this installment is for you if you want Bruce to instruct you to, "look what you did to me" in a sexual way OR if you wondered what screwing Todd Wilkins would be like.
So... there's that?
The Sweet Life #4
FP & Cara Lockwood
CALLED IT.
What's that? Oh, is that the sound of me being right? Mmmhmm, it is. In no time at all, Caroline manages to get the truth about Lila's "pregnancy" from Enid since Enid is Lila's (and everybody else's) OBGYN, and then sells it to TMZ or something and bam! While trying to convince us these characters are well versed in Twitter, these installments still hinge on a completely fundamentally wrong version of how reality TV is taped. It ain't live, people.
Anyway, Lila fakes her miscarriage and pretty much immediately afterward Caroline outs her and bam! Ken leaves. Where, immediately following his "and this time I'm actually filing for divorce!" exit, she finds out she's pregnant. For real.
CALLED IT.
Also called? Annie sleeping around as Easy Annie (flat out said so) and Annie having a thing for old!Bruce. Bruce is hiding out in France, because Francine has a massive hardon for France and apparently they won't extradite him on rape charges ... because America's still big with the capital punishment? Sure, okay.
Anyway, somehow Annie manages to convince Bruce that what he really needs when facing down rape charges is to... wait for it. You're going to love this. Ready? What he really needs to do is channel the OLD Bruce.
Y'know. The one who ran through girls like Kleenex and had a bit of a ego problem.
If the Lila subplot hadn't already done my head in, this right here would. Also, Annie calls Elizabeth her "best friend" and is well aware that Bruce and Liz are still in love with each other, but dammit, Annie wants to get laid, so she unleashes the old Bruce and THEN decides to hem and haw about whether she's ready to burn her professional and moral bridges down for a roll in the hay.
Jesus. Fucking. Christ.
Okay, where are we? Twins! Um, Liz isn't in here much other than she quits her job and then decides she's going to actually go back to trying to prove Bruce's innocence. By convincing Aaron to go undercover at Rick Warren's company to find out if Robin is working for Warren. Oh, and by the way, Steve and Aaron totally got married in the downtime between this installment and the last. Congrats?
Right. Another comment that could be used to infer that Robin is on some fun drugs is made and Liz is out, bitches. Oh, and she doesn't want Bruce to know she's back on the case. Because that's just what we need; another couple who wants to be together not being together because of communication reasons.
Which leads us to Jess who has gone back to her job, only now she's someone's underling and has a crappy assistant, Emily, who she just knows is going to age badly. I'm betting assistant is conspiring with boss lady to keep Jessica down and out. Just throwing that out there. Anyway, TMZ reports (that I fucking hate this whole lazy rely on TMZ for "news" style?) that Liam Whatshisname's new girlfriend is going through a messy divorce. Only Jessica hasn't filed so she assumes Todd has and Todd hasn't so he assumes Jessica has and they both go looking for validation in someone else's arms. In Jessica's case, it's her boss Michael (the one she wasn't interested in before this) and in Todd's it's Sarah, the plagiarizing skank.
Who is doing all this to get back at Jessica. Which makes no fucking sense since she started putting the moves on Todd before Jessica even thought to look up Sarah's work at the Tribune, so the big reveal of Sarah leaking info to Caroline?
Not all that shocking. Gasp.
It's amazing how quickly I went from "this is going to be terrible" to "ohshit, this is actually good" to "HOWTHEFUCKDIDINOTSEETHISCOMINGWHILESTILLTOTALLYCALLINGHALFTHISSHIT?!?!!"
Basically, this installment is for you if you want Bruce to instruct you to, "look what you did to me" in a sexual way OR if you wondered what screwing Todd Wilkins would be like.
So... there's that?