A little more personal
Secret Admirer
September 1987
Who is Penny's secret love?
A little too personal...
Sweet Valley High is in a frenzy when the school newspaper begins to run personal ads. Even Penny Ayala, the shy, serious editor of the paper, decides to place an ad, and a boy named Jaime responds. His letters are witty and sensitive just like hers, and he seems to be Penny's perfect match.
Elizabeth Wakefield encourages Penny to persue her secret admirer. But when she overhears a group of boys laughing about "Jaime," she realizes that Penny's perfect match is only a joke-"Jaime" doesn't even exist! Can she stop the boys from breaking Penny's heart?
Okay, I'll admit it. I've been putting this one off because the sooner I finish SA, the sooner I have to kill off Regina, and the moment I do that, I'll be nine years old [maybe ten?] again, sniffling like a fool even though it's one of the big things most people remember about SVH after they grow up and move on. Y'know: Twins, perfect size six, Margo stalks and tries to kill Liz, Todd gets cheated on at every turn, Jeffrey gets dumped in record time, and oh yeah, Regina DIES.
This has absolutely nothing to do with SA, though, aside from the very, very end of the book.
At the end of the last book we learned that Lynne Henry was going to spearhead the personal ads running in The Oracle. It doesn't take long for this to go sour.
Jessica and Lila are looking for older men, so they decide to put out ads of their own, only they can't decide whether it's best to describe yourself [Lila] or your perfect mate [Jessica]. So they set up a little competition. Whichever girl snags the better guy using her chosen method wins. Despite Penny getting the cover and a good chunk of the book, this storyline actually gets the most play. Why didn't they just go with this as the official "A"-story if they were going to devote more pages to it anyway? The mind, she boggles. Anyway, Jessica first meets Paolo, who impresses Jessica by ending his first letter in Italian. Lila proves to be psychic when she points out that anyone can learn two words in a foreign language. Duh. Paolo turns out to be fat and Jessica damn near kills herself trying to get out of their date. Eventually she convinces him that she's got some terminal illness and suffers horribly, and oh, God, she just wanted to go out on one normal date, but the pain... oh the pain. He takes her home and briefly, Jessica's seldom seen conscious appears, but she tells it to go fuck itself since she's got a thing against fat people.
When Jessica gets a letter from John Karger, she decides not to brag too much until after the date, although his picture is awfully gorgeous. They meet and we learn that Jessica's not fluent in Greek desserts, but John asks Jess a ton of questions anyway. She decides he's in love with her and misses the part where he mentions he's a sociology major. Later we learn that Lila's also met a really fantastic guy, and when she and Jessica start taunting one another about who has the best shot of winning, Cara declares that since neither will concede that the other's date is better, Cara, Amy, Jean, and Sandy will be the judges. The winner takes her boy to the Forties Fling dance and the loser goes by herself. They all meet Saturday afternoon before the dance at a beach concert, where we learn that John answered a whole bunch of ads, and a whole bunch of girls thought he was interested in them. His girlfriend, Faye, says she knew this would happen and seems amused. In the real world, Faye would have her ass kicked by Jessica and Lila [who would then feed John to the pack of pissed off teenage girls] but instead John runs away and Faye just comes across as a bitch without the ass-whuppin. Sigh. Cara asks who the winner was, so Jess and Lila throw her in the ocean. Like a pool-push, but better.
Jess and Lila both meet SVC boys and end up at the dance... and we'll meet back up with them in a little bit.
Now, on to Penny. Penny's the editor of the Oracle and a bit of a stick in the mud. Now, personally, I like to pretend she and Mr. C have a little something going on, but we can't have that as canon, so Penny is shy and awkward around boys her own age. She's too serious for them and since she doesn't really go out of her way to look super pretty, none really approach her. Honestly, they could and I don't think Penny would realize they were hitting on her, based on the way she acts around various guys in this book. Doesn't matter. As a kid I could identify and also feel badly for Penny. How much does it suck that she seems to have no friends and also her love life is in the hands of Elizabeth freakin' Wakefield, someone who doesn't really have to worry about boyfriends? Liz is also all kinds of condescending all over the book. Meh. Anyway, she decides that Penny should put out an ad and see who responds. She points out that if it's a bunch of duds, no one will know she put the ad out since it's anonymous and all. Penny considers this and agrees. She writes up a fairly amusing little ad and Liz laughs and then says, "No, seriously, what're you going to say?" Penny's dead serious. She wants a guy who would find that funny AND be able to come up with a good reply. I can see her point, and since SVH isn't at all realistic, she doesn't have to worry about the fact that very few teenage boys could come up with the wit that she's expecting. And so... we wait.
It's also worth noting that Enid isn't being pushed to find a guy because this marks the first appearance of Hugh, Enid's on again/off again boyfriend. WOO. Except, y'know, Hugh's mostly a dud. He's essentially a cardboard cutout that Enid trots out to events and everyone pretends he's real. I will say that for this book, he's not all that thrilling, but he shows a smidge of promise, though we're not told a damn thing about him other than they met at the new bookstore downtown. Sigh.
Elsewhere, Kirk-the-Jerk and the rest of his tennis team cronies read Penny's ad and decide to create a person to reply. They come up with Jaime, a funny guy who is mostly Neil Freemount writing as Jaime. Other than Kirk coming up with the idea, we aren't told what role the team plays in this little prank since Neil does "most of the writing" and eventually falls for Penny. Their initial letters to one another are cute, but by the end it's blah, mainly because Kirk's pushing for them to meet so he can find out who the mystery hunchback is. When they find out it's Penny, they all die from laughing, except Neil, who is amazed that such weirdness of the best possible sort could come from straitlaced Penny Ayala. But he lacks the spine to go meet her in front of the bookstore, so Penny waits an hour for a guy who is never going to show. Poor Penny.
Neil tries to get to know Penny on his own, but quickly realizes that his stupidity has made Penny shut down even more than she was before. So he writes her again, as Jaime, and asks her to give him one more shot. They meet and Neil confesses. Penny tries to leave but Neil tells her that he didn't show up just to confess, but because he really did want to get to know her. Going against all teen-read laws of nature, Penny agrees then and there, and the two kiss and make plans and are freakishly happy. Seriously, they go from zero to sixty in 2 seconds. It's amazing, really.
Enid and Elizabeth overhear Kirk and company going on about Penny being the mystery woman [before she and Neil hookup] and decide to teach Kirk-the-Jerk a lesson since he's the most obnoxious of the bunch. Liz shreds some of Jessica's magazines and claims that Erica Hall, some hot model, is her NYC cousin. Kirk gets one look of the model, doesn't care that there are no candid shots of her, and tells Elizabeth that since her cousin is coming to town in time for the Fling, he'll be the one escorting the lovely lady. Liz tries to warn him that Erica is shallow, vain, bitchy, self absorbed, a pain in the ass.... Kirk In A Skirt, but as Enid points out, Kirk loves himself so he'd love a girl just like him. Of course Erica isn't her cousin and Kirk gets stood up and everyone has a good old laugh at Kirk.
The dance brings us Regina, who has shown up stag, since Bruce is at home, working on a project. Jess and Lila try and remember if anyone's seen Amy at the dance, because she's made it clear that she's after Bruce in the worst way...
Trivia:
Excerpts from the Oracle:
[also known as somewhere between a quote and trivia]
Quotable SVH:
"I really shouldn't be doing your work for you, you know. One more slip up and you're out." - Penny's teasing Liz. Or is she? p3
She was the sort of person people instinctively turned to-for help, sympathy, or the warmth of her sunny smile. - Oh, gag me. p6
"Do you want us to help you write the ad?"
With a little chuckle, Penny shook her head. "Listen, if there's one thing I do have plenty of confidence about, it's writing." - Also known as "Fuck off, Liz. I'm the editor around here and I didn't get the position just by sleeping my way to the top. Er..." p 29
Elizabeth burst out laughing. "Penny, this is hysterical. But you're not really going to use it, are you?" - Liz misses the point of Penny's ad. p30
"Jessica, anybody could learn two words of Italian. Give me a break." -Lila doubts the almighty Paolo. p 49
Never in her life had Jessica ever dated anyone who wasn't handsome and slim. And now she was going out with-with-someone fat. - Way to go, ghosties. Cuz, y'know, none of your readers would be fat or anything. p73
She frowned a little as a little voice inside told her she'd just played a mean trick on a polite, friendly, and interesting boy. But she ignored the voice. After all, she couldn't help it if she simply couldn't stand to be around fat people. - p79
"I guess you could say I like a dare. I'll do anything once-and I'll do it again if I like it," she added suggestively. - And later you'll wonder why people believe her when Missy Fox tells everyone you're a skank, Jessica. p105
"Truce! Truce!" Lila cut in. "Anyway, my date is in college, too, and believe me, he's very sophisticated. I know that already, just from his letter. Now Steve is a very nice guy, and I'm sure your little friend is nice, too, " she added condescendingly, grinning at Jessica. "But I'm talking about a real man." - It's that 'little friend' thing that makes Lila so bitchy. And loved so very, very much. p 122
This would have been up hours ago, but I had to drive myself crazy looking for Lila and Jessica's fonts. Oi. What a nightmare. Big thanks to SV Unlimited for saving what's left of my sanity. Of course, the hours I lost trying to find the reprint cover? Yeah, they're not coming back, either. So if you've got a clearer image than the grainy gif Amazon kept throwing my way, please. Share.
In the grand scheme of things, Penny got shafted. She happens to get the least desirable of all real estate. The book before a recurring character finally bites it. No one remembers this book. Really, they don't. Penny's not going to be remembered for her moment of weakness when she wished she weren't all alone, she's going to be remembered for being such a hardass. I'm not even sure she IS one, but that's how history remembers her.
And I'm sorry, but for everyone screaming, "but why, oh why, does she need male validation"- I say shut it. While it would be nice to assume that everyone is completely self reliant, she's a seventeen year old girl who has no friends to speak of and sucks when it comes to speaking to the opposite sex. Let the girl have her brief moment in the sun, where she doesn't cave to the traditional trappings of geek!girl gets guy [she does her own semi-makeover, and honey, if that's what you look like after the makeover...] and doesn't need Liz, or even Neil, to come to her rescue. She didn't go momentarily stupid and realize she should have been herself all along- she was weird, dorky Penny, and still managed to get the guy who was upfront with her, so we didn't have to endure the painful waiting for the other shoe to drop, for Penny to find out she was a joke, and then the stupid reconciliation between the two so we could have a happy ending before it was time to march off to the gallows for Regina.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go ponder what the hell Michael Harris did between breaking up with Maria and now, so that Liz thinks he's an asshole on the same level as Kirk-the-Jerk...
September 1987
Who is Penny's secret love?
A little too personal...
Sweet Valley High is in a frenzy when the school newspaper begins to run personal ads. Even Penny Ayala, the shy, serious editor of the paper, decides to place an ad, and a boy named Jaime responds. His letters are witty and sensitive just like hers, and he seems to be Penny's perfect match.
Elizabeth Wakefield encourages Penny to persue her secret admirer. But when she overhears a group of boys laughing about "Jaime," she realizes that Penny's perfect match is only a joke-"Jaime" doesn't even exist! Can she stop the boys from breaking Penny's heart?
Okay, I'll admit it. I've been putting this one off because the sooner I finish SA, the sooner I have to kill off Regina, and the moment I do that, I'll be nine years old [maybe ten?] again, sniffling like a fool even though it's one of the big things most people remember about SVH after they grow up and move on. Y'know: Twins, perfect size six, Margo stalks and tries to kill Liz, Todd gets cheated on at every turn, Jeffrey gets dumped in record time, and oh yeah, Regina DIES.
This has absolutely nothing to do with SA, though, aside from the very, very end of the book.
At the end of the last book we learned that Lynne Henry was going to spearhead the personal ads running in The Oracle. It doesn't take long for this to go sour.
Jessica and Lila are looking for older men, so they decide to put out ads of their own, only they can't decide whether it's best to describe yourself [Lila] or your perfect mate [Jessica]. So they set up a little competition. Whichever girl snags the better guy using her chosen method wins. Despite Penny getting the cover and a good chunk of the book, this storyline actually gets the most play. Why didn't they just go with this as the official "A"-story if they were going to devote more pages to it anyway? The mind, she boggles. Anyway, Jessica first meets Paolo, who impresses Jessica by ending his first letter in Italian. Lila proves to be psychic when she points out that anyone can learn two words in a foreign language. Duh. Paolo turns out to be fat and Jessica damn near kills herself trying to get out of their date. Eventually she convinces him that she's got some terminal illness and suffers horribly, and oh, God, she just wanted to go out on one normal date, but the pain... oh the pain. He takes her home and briefly, Jessica's seldom seen conscious appears, but she tells it to go fuck itself since she's got a thing against fat people.
When Jessica gets a letter from John Karger, she decides not to brag too much until after the date, although his picture is awfully gorgeous. They meet and we learn that Jessica's not fluent in Greek desserts, but John asks Jess a ton of questions anyway. She decides he's in love with her and misses the part where he mentions he's a sociology major. Later we learn that Lila's also met a really fantastic guy, and when she and Jessica start taunting one another about who has the best shot of winning, Cara declares that since neither will concede that the other's date is better, Cara, Amy, Jean, and Sandy will be the judges. The winner takes her boy to the Forties Fling dance and the loser goes by herself. They all meet Saturday afternoon before the dance at a beach concert, where we learn that John answered a whole bunch of ads, and a whole bunch of girls thought he was interested in them. His girlfriend, Faye, says she knew this would happen and seems amused. In the real world, Faye would have her ass kicked by Jessica and Lila [who would then feed John to the pack of pissed off teenage girls] but instead John runs away and Faye just comes across as a bitch without the ass-whuppin. Sigh. Cara asks who the winner was, so Jess and Lila throw her in the ocean. Like a pool-push, but better.
Jess and Lila both meet SVC boys and end up at the dance... and we'll meet back up with them in a little bit.
Now, on to Penny. Penny's the editor of the Oracle and a bit of a stick in the mud. Now, personally, I like to pretend she and Mr. C have a little something going on, but we can't have that as canon, so Penny is shy and awkward around boys her own age. She's too serious for them and since she doesn't really go out of her way to look super pretty, none really approach her. Honestly, they could and I don't think Penny would realize they were hitting on her, based on the way she acts around various guys in this book. Doesn't matter. As a kid I could identify and also feel badly for Penny. How much does it suck that she seems to have no friends and also her love life is in the hands of Elizabeth freakin' Wakefield, someone who doesn't really have to worry about boyfriends? Liz is also all kinds of condescending all over the book. Meh. Anyway, she decides that Penny should put out an ad and see who responds. She points out that if it's a bunch of duds, no one will know she put the ad out since it's anonymous and all. Penny considers this and agrees. She writes up a fairly amusing little ad and Liz laughs and then says, "No, seriously, what're you going to say?" Penny's dead serious. She wants a guy who would find that funny AND be able to come up with a good reply. I can see her point, and since SVH isn't at all realistic, she doesn't have to worry about the fact that very few teenage boys could come up with the wit that she's expecting. And so... we wait.
It's also worth noting that Enid isn't being pushed to find a guy because this marks the first appearance of Hugh, Enid's on again/off again boyfriend. WOO. Except, y'know, Hugh's mostly a dud. He's essentially a cardboard cutout that Enid trots out to events and everyone pretends he's real. I will say that for this book, he's not all that thrilling, but he shows a smidge of promise, though we're not told a damn thing about him other than they met at the new bookstore downtown. Sigh.
Elsewhere, Kirk-the-Jerk and the rest of his tennis team cronies read Penny's ad and decide to create a person to reply. They come up with Jaime, a funny guy who is mostly Neil Freemount writing as Jaime. Other than Kirk coming up with the idea, we aren't told what role the team plays in this little prank since Neil does "most of the writing" and eventually falls for Penny. Their initial letters to one another are cute, but by the end it's blah, mainly because Kirk's pushing for them to meet so he can find out who the mystery hunchback is. When they find out it's Penny, they all die from laughing, except Neil, who is amazed that such weirdness of the best possible sort could come from straitlaced Penny Ayala. But he lacks the spine to go meet her in front of the bookstore, so Penny waits an hour for a guy who is never going to show. Poor Penny.
Neil tries to get to know Penny on his own, but quickly realizes that his stupidity has made Penny shut down even more than she was before. So he writes her again, as Jaime, and asks her to give him one more shot. They meet and Neil confesses. Penny tries to leave but Neil tells her that he didn't show up just to confess, but because he really did want to get to know her. Going against all teen-read laws of nature, Penny agrees then and there, and the two kiss and make plans and are freakishly happy. Seriously, they go from zero to sixty in 2 seconds. It's amazing, really.
Enid and Elizabeth overhear Kirk and company going on about Penny being the mystery woman [before she and Neil hookup] and decide to teach Kirk-the-Jerk a lesson since he's the most obnoxious of the bunch. Liz shreds some of Jessica's magazines and claims that Erica Hall, some hot model, is her NYC cousin. Kirk gets one look of the model, doesn't care that there are no candid shots of her, and tells Elizabeth that since her cousin is coming to town in time for the Fling, he'll be the one escorting the lovely lady. Liz tries to warn him that Erica is shallow, vain, bitchy, self absorbed, a pain in the ass.... Kirk In A Skirt, but as Enid points out, Kirk loves himself so he'd love a girl just like him. Of course Erica isn't her cousin and Kirk gets stood up and everyone has a good old laugh at Kirk.
The dance brings us Regina, who has shown up stag, since Bruce is at home, working on a project. Jess and Lila try and remember if anyone's seen Amy at the dance, because she's made it clear that she's after Bruce in the worst way...
Trivia:
- Penny has hazel eyes and short, dark blond hair. Really? I always thought of her as a brunette... Also, she's a senior and most likely to be valedictorian.
- After Penny teases Liz about doing her work for her, Liz types out one of the few Eyes and Ears columns to not use initials instead of names. Weird.
- When describing the twins and how they keep to their perfect size six selves, why do ghosties keep saying they both love to jog? Jess has made her feelings on jogging quite clear: It sucks.
- Mr. Collins is asking Ms. Dalton to the Forties Night Swing Fling, as he's set to be a chaperone. He tells Penny and Liz to save a jitterbug for him.
- Lila's frequently wearing a maillot and they almost always either seem to be absolutely stunning on her, or wash her out. Hmm. This one is red, for those who need to know.
- Lila believes you should describe yourself, and the right boy will follow in the ad. Jessica says you should describe your perfect mate and they'll respond. Naturally, Lila thinks of herself first and Jessica's obsessed with the pretty boy at the end of the tunnel.
- Hugh Grayson met Enid at "the new bookstore downtown." He spends more time with Jeffrey than Enid, though...
- Hugh goes to Big Mesa, and Liz seems to think that Jeffrey, a recent SVH transplant, would be the one to hold Hugh going to a rival school against him? Oh, Lizzie, if weren't constantly told of your brilliance, I'd assume you were a moron.
- Oh, Amy... You're really going to regret going after Bruce.
- Penny's responses for her ad: "Mr. X" who didn't seem to get that Penny had to be joking, although he didn't seem like a complete ass, #2 was more into auras than Penny would like, and answer #3 was Jaime.
- It's amazing that in that entire school, there isn't a single Jaime. What's more amazing is that Penny and Liz immediately know that.
- Penny loves Dickens, Alcott, Austen.
- She's just finished The Lord of the Flies and likes the beach at dawn, when it's mostly deserted.
- The Wakefields have lemon trees in their backyard.
- Lila has a queen size bed. Naturally.
- Jessica gets seven letters initially.
- Kirk Anderson, Michael Harris, Neil Freemount, Chad Ticknor, and Ron Reese of the tennis club create "Jaime." Later Liz wonders why Ron and Neil would be such bastards, but can see Chad and Michael being asshats. Interesting, considering she seemed to think Michael was a good guy when he and Maria Santelli were engaged. What changed?
- Paolo's parents are Italian, but he was born and raised in California, though he speaks Italian, too. He's got a thing for food and astronomy, and is very sweet, though very gullible.
- Kirk drives a white Trans Am.
- The cover of the book TRIES to depict the scene where Penny's waiting for Jaime, but in the book she's wearing a short, denim skirt and a bright madras top. That is so not what she's wearing. This makes it look like Penny's not even trying. Also, for years, I thought Penny was at the Oracle office waiting [on the cover] not the bookstore. D'oh!
- John Karger has brown eyes that are constantly referred to anytime he shows up. He can be contacted at the sociology department down at SVC. So can Faye, his bitchy red haired girlfriend.
- Neil and Penny are both in Mr. Collins' American Lit class.
- Jessica doesn't know what baklava is.
- Jess was all set to let Jim Daly take her to the Swing Fling, but dumped him the day of so she could go with John. Y'know, before he turned out to be an ass.
- Lila and Jessica show up at the beach concert wearing matching leopard print bikinis.
Excerpts from the Oracle:
[also known as somewhere between a quote and trivia]
Quotable SVH:
"I really shouldn't be doing your work for you, you know. One more slip up and you're out." - Penny's teasing Liz. Or is she? p3
She was the sort of person people instinctively turned to-for help, sympathy, or the warmth of her sunny smile. - Oh, gag me. p6
"Do you want us to help you write the ad?"
With a little chuckle, Penny shook her head. "Listen, if there's one thing I do have plenty of confidence about, it's writing." - Also known as "Fuck off, Liz. I'm the editor around here and I didn't get the position just by sleeping my way to the top. Er..." p 29
Elizabeth burst out laughing. "Penny, this is hysterical. But you're not really going to use it, are you?" - Liz misses the point of Penny's ad. p30
"Jessica, anybody could learn two words of Italian. Give me a break." -Lila doubts the almighty Paolo. p 49
Never in her life had Jessica ever dated anyone who wasn't handsome and slim. And now she was going out with-with-someone fat. - Way to go, ghosties. Cuz, y'know, none of your readers would be fat or anything. p73
She frowned a little as a little voice inside told her she'd just played a mean trick on a polite, friendly, and interesting boy. But she ignored the voice. After all, she couldn't help it if she simply couldn't stand to be around fat people. - p79
"I guess you could say I like a dare. I'll do anything once-and I'll do it again if I like it," she added suggestively. - And later you'll wonder why people believe her when Missy Fox tells everyone you're a skank, Jessica. p105
"Truce! Truce!" Lila cut in. "Anyway, my date is in college, too, and believe me, he's very sophisticated. I know that already, just from his letter. Now Steve is a very nice guy, and I'm sure your little friend is nice, too, " she added condescendingly, grinning at Jessica. "But I'm talking about a real man." - It's that 'little friend' thing that makes Lila so bitchy. And loved so very, very much. p 122
This would have been up hours ago, but I had to drive myself crazy looking for Lila and Jessica's fonts. Oi. What a nightmare. Big thanks to SV Unlimited for saving what's left of my sanity. Of course, the hours I lost trying to find the reprint cover? Yeah, they're not coming back, either. So if you've got a clearer image than the grainy gif Amazon kept throwing my way, please. Share.
In the grand scheme of things, Penny got shafted. She happens to get the least desirable of all real estate. The book before a recurring character finally bites it. No one remembers this book. Really, they don't. Penny's not going to be remembered for her moment of weakness when she wished she weren't all alone, she's going to be remembered for being such a hardass. I'm not even sure she IS one, but that's how history remembers her.
And I'm sorry, but for everyone screaming, "but why, oh why, does she need male validation"- I say shut it. While it would be nice to assume that everyone is completely self reliant, she's a seventeen year old girl who has no friends to speak of and sucks when it comes to speaking to the opposite sex. Let the girl have her brief moment in the sun, where she doesn't cave to the traditional trappings of geek!girl gets guy [she does her own semi-makeover, and honey, if that's what you look like after the makeover...] and doesn't need Liz, or even Neil, to come to her rescue. She didn't go momentarily stupid and realize she should have been herself all along- she was weird, dorky Penny, and still managed to get the guy who was upfront with her, so we didn't have to endure the painful waiting for the other shoe to drop, for Penny to find out she was a joke, and then the stupid reconciliation between the two so we could have a happy ending before it was time to march off to the gallows for Regina.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go ponder what the hell Michael Harris did between breaking up with Maria and now, so that Liz thinks he's an asshole on the same level as Kirk-the-Jerk...