(no subject)
I'm too confused. I can't really explain it. I've just been thinking so much about stuff, stuff that I thought i'd already had figured out, stuff that I knew, but i'm questioning what i've always thought to be the truth, questioning my beliefs.
One thing I hate the most, is when I don't have an opinion on something, when I can't see whether something is wrong or right, true or fale, when there is no clear answer and now I've got thinking and i'm starting to second guess all the stuff i've "known" was the truth, everything that for years I have lived by, argued over and strongly protested. This is a kind of major thing as well, that no one will ever really know.
All my beliefs, feeling and thoughts are linked together, as I believe every elses are and when I start to question and pick at something which could be considered the main structure in my, in every persons brain then everything else starts to fall with it, and your head is just a pile of fucking rubble. You have no beliefs left, no opinions, no feelings, and unless you can work out that one thing and build it up again then you can have no other thoughts, because the one thing that could affect everything else still isn't clear, and when you know that that one thing can never be clear then you start to feel like giving up.
Today i've just sat, staring, I haven't thought about anything but this and all the other things that spring out from this uncertainty. I haven't felt one single fucking emotion really, except for when I was talking to Bill and Becki and even then I couldn't really think of words to say back.
My beliefs are very important to me, but when I don't know what to believe I don't know what to do with myself other than sit and try and sort things out, which never happens.
I really can't describe this too well.
and it all started because I looked at a grape and thought "I can actually eat this". Think about it.
ha I just read that through and I totally fuck up halfway :/
One thing I hate the most, is when I don't have an opinion on something, when I can't see whether something is wrong or right, true or fale, when there is no clear answer and now I've got thinking and i'm starting to second guess all the stuff i've "known" was the truth, everything that for years I have lived by, argued over and strongly protested. This is a kind of major thing as well, that no one will ever really know.
All my beliefs, feeling and thoughts are linked together, as I believe every elses are and when I start to question and pick at something which could be considered the main structure in my, in every persons brain then everything else starts to fall with it, and your head is just a pile of fucking rubble. You have no beliefs left, no opinions, no feelings, and unless you can work out that one thing and build it up again then you can have no other thoughts, because the one thing that could affect everything else still isn't clear, and when you know that that one thing can never be clear then you start to feel like giving up.
Today i've just sat, staring, I haven't thought about anything but this and all the other things that spring out from this uncertainty. I haven't felt one single fucking emotion really, except for when I was talking to Bill and Becki and even then I couldn't really think of words to say back.
My beliefs are very important to me, but when I don't know what to believe I don't know what to do with myself other than sit and try and sort things out, which never happens.
I really can't describe this too well.
and it all started because I looked at a grape and thought "I can actually eat this". Think about it.
ha I just read that through and I totally fuck up halfway :/