Reviews
ALONG CAME POLLY
This movie is from 2004, but I'd never seen it. A giant idiot that I once worked with was constantly quoting this flick, and she is the worst, so I should have known better, but I Pollied up anyway. I'm on such a rom com kick, and was snowed into my apartment anyway. Before I get into the meat of the movie and really rake it over the coals, I have to bring up a really important point: Has anyone ever noticed that Ben Stiller is actually terrible? He is whiny, annoying, helpless, unattractive, pathetic, neurotic, and reminds me of Woody Allen (who I hate and wish was dead). So WHY is he always the star in all these stories where beautiful women are vying for his heart?! It is just not believable. For instance, in this movie, Jennifer Aniston and Deborah Messing (both certified babes) are both competing for Ben Stiller's stupid love. Are you kidding me? In real life that would never happen. They would probably totally overlook him like the geek he is, and try to find some Adonis elsewhere. Anyway! This is the classic story of an uptight dork, down on his luck, who rekindles a romance with an "extreme, life on the edge, spontaneous" type from his high school days. What makes Aniston's character so extreme and spontaneous? OH, you know, CRAZY THINGS, like owning a ferret, salsa dancing, eating Indian food, and having moved around a lot! WOOOOAAAAH, INTENSE!!! If this wild, fly-by-the-seat-of-her-pants love interest wasn't enough for you, rest assured that the movie also includes the always unfunny spattering of the hero's parents, who are just as overbearing and flawed as he is, inadvertently making things more awkward for their failure of a son in his romantic pursuits. It's a tired formula that never deviates from its age old template, predictable and unfunny at all times. Even the supporting role Phillip Seymour Hoffman plays (Stiller's overweight and hyper best friend) was completely lukewarm and not funny. Actually, all of the actors were underwhelming in every sense of the word and lacked any dimension that could possibly make them more funny or likeable. As an IBS person myself, I got excited when it was made known early on in the film that Stiller's character had IBS too, but they didn't run with that as much as they could have. There was maybe one diarrhea scene, but it was in a bathroom, and not even that much of a catastrophe. I was hoping for a solid soiling of the drawers, or even a good shart in public, but it never delivered, and they should have really run more with that. While I am fully aware that a poop joke is certainly low hanging fruit, it would have made up for some of the other failed attempts at humor, for me anyway. Remember the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber? It needed something like that. I won't be watching this again.
ONEOHTRIX POINT NEVER - RIFTS
I dislike the name of this band because it sounds like a bad technology pun, or sounds like an operating system. This is not just one, but a set of three really weird instrumental CDs (Betrayed in the Octagon, Zones Without People, and Russian Mind). The packaging is a very serious trifold, with a lot of glossy cardboard, and the cover art is beautifully designed, mysterious, and ominous. I was like "Damn, when did Criterion start releasing CDs?!" but I was intrigued and ready to get Betrayed. Honestly, the three discs in this set are all pretty similar to each other. The only difference I could really notice was that right in the middle of Z's Without P's there was some song that really didn't fit at all. It was a strange and somber weirdo-folk ditty with lyrics and it did not coincide with the rest of the tracks, but I still allowed it to wash over me and enjoyed it. The rest of the music sounds kind of like the soundtrack from outer space documentaries, with strong Kraftwerk vibes, and also horror movie soundtrack vibes. It reminds me of Demdike Stare and The Haxan Cloak, doing the soundtrack for The fucking ABYSS, only with more robotic type sounds, and less doom/dread than the Cloak. It's still scary and weird enough to make you feel a tad cautious while you get lost in it, but at heart, this is a very ambient New Age record. The mood is still Pure, but it's also unsettling at times. At points, I felt like I was entering the most beautiful and euphoric black vortex, only to find when I reached the dark bottom that there were wolves, coyotes, owls, ghosts, lasers, and robots down there too. There was also a guy down there tuning a radio and getting only static. If I were making a psychedelic version of Cosmos for the 2010's I would definitely use this as the soundtrack. It is great for zoning out and really getting out of your head, consistently calling on the unknowns of Deep Space. This is something I have to be in the mood for, but it's definitely good.
This movie is from 2004, but I'd never seen it. A giant idiot that I once worked with was constantly quoting this flick, and she is the worst, so I should have known better, but I Pollied up anyway. I'm on such a rom com kick, and was snowed into my apartment anyway. Before I get into the meat of the movie and really rake it over the coals, I have to bring up a really important point: Has anyone ever noticed that Ben Stiller is actually terrible? He is whiny, annoying, helpless, unattractive, pathetic, neurotic, and reminds me of Woody Allen (who I hate and wish was dead). So WHY is he always the star in all these stories where beautiful women are vying for his heart?! It is just not believable. For instance, in this movie, Jennifer Aniston and Deborah Messing (both certified babes) are both competing for Ben Stiller's stupid love. Are you kidding me? In real life that would never happen. They would probably totally overlook him like the geek he is, and try to find some Adonis elsewhere. Anyway! This is the classic story of an uptight dork, down on his luck, who rekindles a romance with an "extreme, life on the edge, spontaneous" type from his high school days. What makes Aniston's character so extreme and spontaneous? OH, you know, CRAZY THINGS, like owning a ferret, salsa dancing, eating Indian food, and having moved around a lot! WOOOOAAAAH, INTENSE!!! If this wild, fly-by-the-seat-of-her-pants love interest wasn't enough for you, rest assured that the movie also includes the always unfunny spattering of the hero's parents, who are just as overbearing and flawed as he is, inadvertently making things more awkward for their failure of a son in his romantic pursuits. It's a tired formula that never deviates from its age old template, predictable and unfunny at all times. Even the supporting role Phillip Seymour Hoffman plays (Stiller's overweight and hyper best friend) was completely lukewarm and not funny. Actually, all of the actors were underwhelming in every sense of the word and lacked any dimension that could possibly make them more funny or likeable. As an IBS person myself, I got excited when it was made known early on in the film that Stiller's character had IBS too, but they didn't run with that as much as they could have. There was maybe one diarrhea scene, but it was in a bathroom, and not even that much of a catastrophe. I was hoping for a solid soiling of the drawers, or even a good shart in public, but it never delivered, and they should have really run more with that. While I am fully aware that a poop joke is certainly low hanging fruit, it would have made up for some of the other failed attempts at humor, for me anyway. Remember the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber? It needed something like that. I won't be watching this again.
ONEOHTRIX POINT NEVER - RIFTS
I dislike the name of this band because it sounds like a bad technology pun, or sounds like an operating system. This is not just one, but a set of three really weird instrumental CDs (Betrayed in the Octagon, Zones Without People, and Russian Mind). The packaging is a very serious trifold, with a lot of glossy cardboard, and the cover art is beautifully designed, mysterious, and ominous. I was like "Damn, when did Criterion start releasing CDs?!" but I was intrigued and ready to get Betrayed. Honestly, the three discs in this set are all pretty similar to each other. The only difference I could really notice was that right in the middle of Z's Without P's there was some song that really didn't fit at all. It was a strange and somber weirdo-folk ditty with lyrics and it did not coincide with the rest of the tracks, but I still allowed it to wash over me and enjoyed it. The rest of the music sounds kind of like the soundtrack from outer space documentaries, with strong Kraftwerk vibes, and also horror movie soundtrack vibes. It reminds me of Demdike Stare and The Haxan Cloak, doing the soundtrack for The fucking ABYSS, only with more robotic type sounds, and less doom/dread than the Cloak. It's still scary and weird enough to make you feel a tad cautious while you get lost in it, but at heart, this is a very ambient New Age record. The mood is still Pure, but it's also unsettling at times. At points, I felt like I was entering the most beautiful and euphoric black vortex, only to find when I reached the dark bottom that there were wolves, coyotes, owls, ghosts, lasers, and robots down there too. There was also a guy down there tuning a radio and getting only static. If I were making a psychedelic version of Cosmos for the 2010's I would definitely use this as the soundtrack. It is great for zoning out and really getting out of your head, consistently calling on the unknowns of Deep Space. This is something I have to be in the mood for, but it's definitely good.