Everything.
Lately, I've gotten rather sick of everything.
I've lost my appetite for food. I nit-pick here and there at food.
I don't really have a taste for food. I'm slowly slipping back into depression again, and I have no clue as to why. I just can't seem to keep myself happy for more than the hour or so a day total that I get.
I've been drinking quite a lot lately, it just kinda makes everything go away for a few hours. It lets me get away from the never ending processes, and envisions of my future that my brain produces. I know, "You shouldn't drink to get away from your problems. That's abuse." Well, it's not like I'm constantly drunk. Its like 2 nights a week. It only used to be like 1 time every two months, but none the less that's a lot more than I have in the past.
I was your typical stoner. I smoked weed, well, because it made me happy. It balanced me out and kept me in a constant good mood. But I stay away from that stuff now. I don't want to seem like a bad influence on my little brother that is in rehab now because he basically did the same thing. I'm going to be giving up drinking and smoking soon too.
Then I'm really gonna be in a dark hole for a while.
I don't feel like I have a life anymore.
My friends and stuff are out having fun.
I got invited to like 4 parties today by old friends that I used to hang out with on a weekly if not daily basis at Geneva on the Lake, Ohio. But I passed.
I was spending time with family.
But it made me think,
"All you do is work, play video games, sleep, and get drunk."
I used to be one of those people that was ALWAYS doing something. But hell anymore it doesn't even seem like I have time. Yet I'm doing less than I used to do. I need to find a source of release, I need to find a way to just take all of this away.
I think that I broke my sisters fiance's nose tonight.
I was outside of the mall while my dad and sister were eating at panda express, and Eric was outside talking to me while I was smoking a cigarette. He wised off about how rough his life is, and how he wishes that someone else could experience his life. That's all I've heard this weekend. How I, myself, don't know what a rough life is. He said, "You try putting up with your bitchy pregnant sister everyday." And in return I replied, "Well maybe you should have been using birth control or a condom. You got her pregnant, now you have to deal with it. If you think that it's a mistake well it's a little too late for that now." He smarted off and said, "It's never too late for anything." I hauled off and slammed him good in the face knocking his ass right on his kiester(sp?). All I've got to say is that if he leaves my sister hanging while she's pregnant, I will hunt his ass down and I will murder him. It's not like I care anyways, I really don't give a shit if I rot in a prison anymore, noone is going to get my sister pregnant and then leave my sister. Fuck no. I will splay his guts out all over the place and make him feel the pain that she felt for 9 months all at the same time.
GOD I HATE THAT KID...
Whatever.
I guess my dad is doing better now. He seemed to be pretty chipper about me being there. Rofl, he made me coffee this morning and yesterday morning too. It's pretty cool waking up to a cup of coffee made to exactly how you drink it... I miss living with him. I miss it just being me and him, getting along harmoniously exactly how it should be, we never fought, we never argued... I really miss him, and I'm actually on the verge of tears right now... I kinda feel horrible for abandoning him like I basically did 1 year and a half ago. I hope to get my own place soon and I can move him in and get him away from amy and eric and make sure that he's actually being taken care of instead of doing all the shit that he shouldn't be because Eric is too fucking lazy to do anything. He's too fucking lazy to even get a job, and he's got a child on the way...
Alright... I'm getting off of here... I need to avoid this damned journal.
I've lost my appetite for food. I nit-pick here and there at food.
I don't really have a taste for food. I'm slowly slipping back into depression again, and I have no clue as to why. I just can't seem to keep myself happy for more than the hour or so a day total that I get.
I've been drinking quite a lot lately, it just kinda makes everything go away for a few hours. It lets me get away from the never ending processes, and envisions of my future that my brain produces. I know, "You shouldn't drink to get away from your problems. That's abuse." Well, it's not like I'm constantly drunk. Its like 2 nights a week. It only used to be like 1 time every two months, but none the less that's a lot more than I have in the past.
I was your typical stoner. I smoked weed, well, because it made me happy. It balanced me out and kept me in a constant good mood. But I stay away from that stuff now. I don't want to seem like a bad influence on my little brother that is in rehab now because he basically did the same thing. I'm going to be giving up drinking and smoking soon too.
Then I'm really gonna be in a dark hole for a while.
I don't feel like I have a life anymore.
My friends and stuff are out having fun.
I got invited to like 4 parties today by old friends that I used to hang out with on a weekly if not daily basis at Geneva on the Lake, Ohio. But I passed.
I was spending time with family.
But it made me think,
"All you do is work, play video games, sleep, and get drunk."
I used to be one of those people that was ALWAYS doing something. But hell anymore it doesn't even seem like I have time. Yet I'm doing less than I used to do. I need to find a source of release, I need to find a way to just take all of this away.
I think that I broke my sisters fiance's nose tonight.
I was outside of the mall while my dad and sister were eating at panda express, and Eric was outside talking to me while I was smoking a cigarette. He wised off about how rough his life is, and how he wishes that someone else could experience his life. That's all I've heard this weekend. How I, myself, don't know what a rough life is. He said, "You try putting up with your bitchy pregnant sister everyday." And in return I replied, "Well maybe you should have been using birth control or a condom. You got her pregnant, now you have to deal with it. If you think that it's a mistake well it's a little too late for that now." He smarted off and said, "It's never too late for anything." I hauled off and slammed him good in the face knocking his ass right on his kiester(sp?). All I've got to say is that if he leaves my sister hanging while she's pregnant, I will hunt his ass down and I will murder him. It's not like I care anyways, I really don't give a shit if I rot in a prison anymore, noone is going to get my sister pregnant and then leave my sister. Fuck no. I will splay his guts out all over the place and make him feel the pain that she felt for 9 months all at the same time.
GOD I HATE THAT KID...
Whatever.
I guess my dad is doing better now. He seemed to be pretty chipper about me being there. Rofl, he made me coffee this morning and yesterday morning too. It's pretty cool waking up to a cup of coffee made to exactly how you drink it... I miss living with him. I miss it just being me and him, getting along harmoniously exactly how it should be, we never fought, we never argued... I really miss him, and I'm actually on the verge of tears right now... I kinda feel horrible for abandoning him like I basically did 1 year and a half ago. I hope to get my own place soon and I can move him in and get him away from amy and eric and make sure that he's actually being taken care of instead of doing all the shit that he shouldn't be because Eric is too fucking lazy to do anything. He's too fucking lazy to even get a job, and he's got a child on the way...
Alright... I'm getting off of here... I need to avoid this damned journal.