my shit, other shit and shit
here's a fragment of a short story i'm working on that's got a working title of 'space dive'. quite honestly i have no idea how good it is because i don't often show my work to people nor ask opinions. i figured i'd drop it here and see if i got any comments. criticizim is more than welcome or even just a that sucks or that rocks. lemme know, if you read it
Space Dive
Jon checked the straps for his burton 2LLC shield board one final time and tightened his helmet. He was up next. Shelia gave him a thumbs up as she slapped on her air supply and made a running dive out the airlock.
wiht one last look around the room taking in the hover shaft in the center he came up after his ride from the suface on a bullet shuttle, the outward slanting walls surrounding it with the seven other launch locks and the lame add screens beside every one john slapped his left glove turning on his air supply, checked the and launched himself.
He got a good leap out. the station was perfectly situated on the edge of earth's atmospheric gravity well there was about a 90 second gap before it realy caught hold. Shelia was just ahead of him board allready ignited and catching the first edge of the scut zone, the air thickening to kick her into a hella sweet arc setting up for a huge 360 with a tight rollover
John was just able to catch her tight spirals before his shield auto ignited and his helmet alarm sounded telling him he'd dropped too fast. He smiled tightly to himself thinking of the cautious fools who'd designed the saftey parameters of his shield. The burton 2LLC was designed for dives of straight down pure hellfire.
he flicked the alarm off with his inner glove bypass and watched the head gauge skyrocket as he tightened into a maddening dive blasting past the wasted outer atmosphere that everyone else warms up in before dropping into the true insanity of heat and jetstreams that he craved.
just as the heat reached the burton's upper limit range John whipped it around and carved the lower edge into the screaming galeforce winds bouncing him almost striaght back up in a brief hop that set him perfectly for wicked spiral with a tight multiple three-sixty rocketing himself sideways.
the board-alarms cried one last protest as he pulled out of the last one and tucked his head down to angle the upper edge down to pick speed back up. he smiled at his good luck as the winds kicked him leftwards and he leaned into it turning the air currents into a spiral with the flat of his burton.
almost out of the heat layer now, he turned, using the wind to propel him even faster, the alarms on his board screaming and flames starting to streak off of the lower edge, still he needed faster. John ruled at this trick and whipped his board to the side and jammed it down in one quick moment, *jamming* it into the g-forces.
The compensators whined in his helmet telling him that he'd done it right, and john held on for dear life as he bounced off of his downward fall with jarring reverse force catapulting back up half way through the heat layer before he leveled off.
His Burton cooled down quite a bit, loosing it's grip on the air. he hovered a bit taking in the fantastical view of the globe, seeing most of the continent in one vast sweep. John had no doubts he was a space-dive junkie. he and sheila had been doing this for 5 years now, at first saving all their cash up and taking the overcrowded bulk shuttles up, laughing at the too close quarters that none of them noticed, sharing the camraderie of addrenneline junkies about to get their fix.
he looked down at his pro airsuit and next generation board. they dived professionally now whipping about with insane aerials, their boards scintillating the flame edge of danger
in other worlds it appears that the script for alice sucks, we've changed some scenes but there's some distinct discontinuity between those scenes and the rest and it needs a once over. x has either handed it to the previous writer or had it taken away from him, i'm not sure what. i'm going to spend the rest of the time before work seeing if i can help and send him what i can work out of it. if the script that chicka came up with is any sign, she sucks, it sucks, and i don't trust her ability to step this up to the level we do things.
>.< we shall see. she's not inspired by our dark cirkus like we are. maybee that'll help me.
Space Dive
Jon checked the straps for his burton 2LLC shield board one final time and tightened his helmet. He was up next. Shelia gave him a thumbs up as she slapped on her air supply and made a running dive out the airlock.
wiht one last look around the room taking in the hover shaft in the center he came up after his ride from the suface on a bullet shuttle, the outward slanting walls surrounding it with the seven other launch locks and the lame add screens beside every one john slapped his left glove turning on his air supply, checked the and launched himself.
He got a good leap out. the station was perfectly situated on the edge of earth's atmospheric gravity well there was about a 90 second gap before it realy caught hold. Shelia was just ahead of him board allready ignited and catching the first edge of the scut zone, the air thickening to kick her into a hella sweet arc setting up for a huge 360 with a tight rollover
John was just able to catch her tight spirals before his shield auto ignited and his helmet alarm sounded telling him he'd dropped too fast. He smiled tightly to himself thinking of the cautious fools who'd designed the saftey parameters of his shield. The burton 2LLC was designed for dives of straight down pure hellfire.
he flicked the alarm off with his inner glove bypass and watched the head gauge skyrocket as he tightened into a maddening dive blasting past the wasted outer atmosphere that everyone else warms up in before dropping into the true insanity of heat and jetstreams that he craved.
just as the heat reached the burton's upper limit range John whipped it around and carved the lower edge into the screaming galeforce winds bouncing him almost striaght back up in a brief hop that set him perfectly for wicked spiral with a tight multiple three-sixty rocketing himself sideways.
the board-alarms cried one last protest as he pulled out of the last one and tucked his head down to angle the upper edge down to pick speed back up. he smiled at his good luck as the winds kicked him leftwards and he leaned into it turning the air currents into a spiral with the flat of his burton.
almost out of the heat layer now, he turned, using the wind to propel him even faster, the alarms on his board screaming and flames starting to streak off of the lower edge, still he needed faster. John ruled at this trick and whipped his board to the side and jammed it down in one quick moment, *jamming* it into the g-forces.
The compensators whined in his helmet telling him that he'd done it right, and john held on for dear life as he bounced off of his downward fall with jarring reverse force catapulting back up half way through the heat layer before he leveled off.
His Burton cooled down quite a bit, loosing it's grip on the air. he hovered a bit taking in the fantastical view of the globe, seeing most of the continent in one vast sweep. John had no doubts he was a space-dive junkie. he and sheila had been doing this for 5 years now, at first saving all their cash up and taking the overcrowded bulk shuttles up, laughing at the too close quarters that none of them noticed, sharing the camraderie of addrenneline junkies about to get their fix.
he looked down at his pro airsuit and next generation board. they dived professionally now whipping about with insane aerials, their boards scintillating the flame edge of danger
in other worlds it appears that the script for alice sucks, we've changed some scenes but there's some distinct discontinuity between those scenes and the rest and it needs a once over. x has either handed it to the previous writer or had it taken away from him, i'm not sure what. i'm going to spend the rest of the time before work seeing if i can help and send him what i can work out of it. if the script that chicka came up with is any sign, she sucks, it sucks, and i don't trust her ability to step this up to the level we do things.
>.< we shall see. she's not inspired by our dark cirkus like we are. maybee that'll help me.