today's actual grocery store impulse buy: chupa chups. seriously.
YESSSSS you guys today I got a definite position hostessing at this classy-as-shit restaurant that is a 10-minute walk from my place, allows me to wear fancy dresses, and guarantees unbelievable tips (according to the manager, who is the nicest, friendliest person of all time in the entire world...and we have similar senses of humour). Anyway basically I have a hard-on for everything about this job and all is right with the world!!
Oh I also found out from a legitimate model agency lady that I should be modeling (print obviously, since I can stand up erect in an airplane seat without my head even touching the ceiling). Oh but too bad it costs £390 to get photos taken HA HA NOPE, NO THANK YOU, I will stick to semi-inebriated photos on Facebook. She kept insisting that I would make it back immediately (and the money wasn't even going to her, but some photographer she knew?) as though I HAVE the money lying around to SPEND. It was a pretty great compliment, though?!?!
The rest of my day can pretty much be summarized by these emails I exchanged with Meghan:
Subject: ACTUAL KRAKEN QUOTE
Steph 11:39 AM
'"Vardy, you reading lolcats?" She peered over the edge of his computer screen. He looked at her without warmth. "I can has squid back?" she said. "Noooo! They be stealin my squid!"'
I lolled SO FUCKIN HARD. I don't think I have ever laughed this hard by myself in public before. Baaaahahhahaha this book!!
Steph 12:01 PM
OH MY GOD THIS BOOK HAS TRIBBLES
At first I was just PICTURING them as tribbles because of their description, but no, they are ACTUALLY, EXPLICITLY TRIBBLES. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Steph 12:09 PM
"What is the fucking deal with this tribble thing?" Dane said.
"That's what I'm trying to tell you," Wati said. He spoke in little gusts. "Simon was totally into that stupid show. He went to conventions. Had the collections, the figures, all that stuff. Half the time he dressed in that stupid uniform."
"So?" Dane said. "So he's talented, made money and pissed it away on tat. He's a beamer who made himself Mr. fucking Spock."
"Scotty," Billy said. He looked at Dane over the top of his glasses. "Spock didn't beam anything."
THEN THEY GO TO A STAR TREK AUCTION. THIS IS AN ACTUAL CENTRAL PLOT POINT.
Steph 12:11 PM
Oh my god there is a possessed Captain Kirk action figure. I can't even function anymore.
Editor's note: Here I ate some sushi.
Meghan 12:53 PM
THERE IS NO WAY THIS IS A REAL BOOK YOU ARE MAKING IT UP
Steph 12:55 PM
THE LINE I JUST READ
This took forever to send because apparently Shaftesbury between Piccadilly & Green Park is a Vodafone dead zone, so I kept frantically pressing 'resend, resend, RESEND'. During this time I also saw a girl get arrested for shoplifting on Bond Street by a super-cute police officer.
Steph 1:22 PM
"SAID THE LITTLE KIRK IN HIS POCKET"
Obviously job hunting is on hold until I devour the rest of this book hahaha
Steph 1:29 PM
'The man smirked, raised his right hand, split his fingers between the middle and ring fingers.
"Live long and be prosperous."
"Live long and PROSPER," she corrected. "Come on, make Spock proud."'
It has been like 20 pages straight of All Star Trek All The Time!!
Steph 1:31 PM
'The man smirked, raised his right hand, split his fingers between the middle and ring fingers.
"Live long and be prosperous."
"Live long and PROSPER," she corrected. "Come on, make Spock proud."'
It has been like 20 pages straight of All Star Trek All The Time!!
(Obviously I looked totally cool whipping my phone out every other page and transcribing from my book in public.)
At this point I went and bought China Miéville's first book, King Rat, because obviously I will be reading his entire oeuvre over the next few weeks. (Also king rats scare the everloving shit out of me, so I'm already nervous.)
I also, you know, went and got my ass hired, so that was productive! (I lied about putting the job search on hold, though did seriously consider not going to the hiring fair because I was getting super into the book. I made good life choices in the end, though!!)
Then I went to the Natural History Museum for a bit, came back to my hood, bought some bananas, read some Star Trek fic, the uuuusual. I've only got 100 pages left of Kraken now, so if I don't finish tonight, I definitely will tomorrow!! I'm also going to go on the behind-the-scenes tour of the Natural History Museum tomorrow to see the actual giant squid that it was based on because I am a huge nerd and of course that is what I'm doing tomorrow. I am very excited!!! YAY LONDON.
Oh I also found out from a legitimate model agency lady that I should be modeling (print obviously, since I can stand up erect in an airplane seat without my head even touching the ceiling). Oh but too bad it costs £390 to get photos taken HA HA NOPE, NO THANK YOU, I will stick to semi-inebriated photos on Facebook. She kept insisting that I would make it back immediately (and the money wasn't even going to her, but some photographer she knew?) as though I HAVE the money lying around to SPEND. It was a pretty great compliment, though?!?!
The rest of my day can pretty much be summarized by these emails I exchanged with Meghan:
Subject: ACTUAL KRAKEN QUOTE
Steph 11:39 AM
'"Vardy, you reading lolcats?" She peered over the edge of his computer screen. He looked at her without warmth. "I can has squid back?" she said. "Noooo! They be stealin my squid!"'
I lolled SO FUCKIN HARD. I don't think I have ever laughed this hard by myself in public before. Baaaahahhahaha this book!!
Steph 12:01 PM
OH MY GOD THIS BOOK HAS TRIBBLES
At first I was just PICTURING them as tribbles because of their description, but no, they are ACTUALLY, EXPLICITLY TRIBBLES. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Steph 12:09 PM
"What is the fucking deal with this tribble thing?" Dane said.
"That's what I'm trying to tell you," Wati said. He spoke in little gusts. "Simon was totally into that stupid show. He went to conventions. Had the collections, the figures, all that stuff. Half the time he dressed in that stupid uniform."
"So?" Dane said. "So he's talented, made money and pissed it away on tat. He's a beamer who made himself Mr. fucking Spock."
"Scotty," Billy said. He looked at Dane over the top of his glasses. "Spock didn't beam anything."
THEN THEY GO TO A STAR TREK AUCTION. THIS IS AN ACTUAL CENTRAL PLOT POINT.
Steph 12:11 PM
Oh my god there is a possessed Captain Kirk action figure. I can't even function anymore.
Editor's note: Here I ate some sushi.
Meghan 12:53 PM
THERE IS NO WAY THIS IS A REAL BOOK YOU ARE MAKING IT UP
Steph 12:55 PM
THE LINE I JUST READ
This took forever to send because apparently Shaftesbury between Piccadilly & Green Park is a Vodafone dead zone, so I kept frantically pressing 'resend, resend, RESEND'. During this time I also saw a girl get arrested for shoplifting on Bond Street by a super-cute police officer.
Steph 1:22 PM
"SAID THE LITTLE KIRK IN HIS POCKET"
Obviously job hunting is on hold until I devour the rest of this book hahaha
Steph 1:29 PM
'The man smirked, raised his right hand, split his fingers between the middle and ring fingers.
"Live long and be prosperous."
"Live long and PROSPER," she corrected. "Come on, make Spock proud."'
It has been like 20 pages straight of All Star Trek All The Time!!
Steph 1:31 PM
'The man smirked, raised his right hand, split his fingers between the middle and ring fingers.
"Live long and be prosperous."
"Live long and PROSPER," she corrected. "Come on, make Spock proud."'
It has been like 20 pages straight of All Star Trek All The Time!!
(Obviously I looked totally cool whipping my phone out every other page and transcribing from my book in public.)
At this point I went and bought China Miéville's first book, King Rat, because obviously I will be reading his entire oeuvre over the next few weeks. (Also king rats scare the everloving shit out of me, so I'm already nervous.)
I also, you know, went and got my ass hired, so that was productive! (I lied about putting the job search on hold, though did seriously consider not going to the hiring fair because I was getting super into the book. I made good life choices in the end, though!!)
Then I went to the Natural History Museum for a bit, came back to my hood, bought some bananas, read some Star Trek fic, the uuuusual. I've only got 100 pages left of Kraken now, so if I don't finish tonight, I definitely will tomorrow!! I'm also going to go on the behind-the-scenes tour of the Natural History Museum tomorrow to see the actual giant squid that it was based on because I am a huge nerd and of course that is what I'm doing tomorrow. I am very excited!!! YAY LONDON.