who brought me here?
this portion of the summer is going much better for me. i've given up on finding a job if that wasn't made clear already. the job search made me upset and frustrated and worried and stressed. now that the search has died, i don't mind kicking back and embracing the free time. i think i've adjusted to the boredom factor. i think i had such a hard time at first because i just wasn't accustomed to having literally nothing to do. usually when that happened at school my mind was too far from reality to notice. but i seem to find something to pass the time each day and i don't go insane. hmm, come to think of it though, perhaps the weather had a greater effect on my mood then i thought. its been beautiful lately for days at a time even. the rain ended when tara came home, literally.
my parents came back from visiting my mother's family today. it was the first i had seen my mom since her second chemo treatment. her hair had been falling out before she left but she had my cousin completely shave it while she was in PA. i tried my best to keep a strait face when i first saw her. it was just weird to see my mother without hair. but hair isn't that important. i'll adjust and her wig is kinda cool. if my hair ever starts to thin real bad i'm gonna go wig crazy. the versatility is simply marvelous!
i love how selfless my mother is. the more i think about myself and her, the more i realize how similar we are, and the more i appreciate the great example she has set for me. she'll do anything for me and my sisters, but she'll never put up with any shit. i think she's discovered the fine line between traditional femininity and strength (i say traditional because feminine is often defined as weak, although i no longer believe that). i like to think i'm walking the same tight rope. she's soft, loving, and caring, but she won't tolerate a single ounce of bullshit. she has much more command over the family than my father could ever have. although i wonder if i had brothers if things would be different. oh well, its a wonderful environment i grow up in.
oh yea, back to why i brought up the point of my mother's selflessness. aaron is taking me to another show next week. we're seeing the mars volta next wednesday but my mother has another treatment that thursday that i usually drive her to. when i asked if i could go, without hesitation she assured me that i didn't need to worry about driving her around. i don't know who will or if she even knows who will. i'd certainly come home early if she needed me to.
this new mars volta album is simply amazing. i can't really explain it more than that but i feel lucky to have discovered such awesome music. can't wait to see them live. can't wait to see my honey.
despite the hardships that have come along, i feel incredibly lucky for everything i have right now. i call it luck because i don't deserve this anymore than anyone else does. but i'll admit, i don't not deserve it. this is the first time i can ever recall feeling this good and lucky. something's bound to go wrong soon.
my parents came back from visiting my mother's family today. it was the first i had seen my mom since her second chemo treatment. her hair had been falling out before she left but she had my cousin completely shave it while she was in PA. i tried my best to keep a strait face when i first saw her. it was just weird to see my mother without hair. but hair isn't that important. i'll adjust and her wig is kinda cool. if my hair ever starts to thin real bad i'm gonna go wig crazy. the versatility is simply marvelous!
i love how selfless my mother is. the more i think about myself and her, the more i realize how similar we are, and the more i appreciate the great example she has set for me. she'll do anything for me and my sisters, but she'll never put up with any shit. i think she's discovered the fine line between traditional femininity and strength (i say traditional because feminine is often defined as weak, although i no longer believe that). i like to think i'm walking the same tight rope. she's soft, loving, and caring, but she won't tolerate a single ounce of bullshit. she has much more command over the family than my father could ever have. although i wonder if i had brothers if things would be different. oh well, its a wonderful environment i grow up in.
oh yea, back to why i brought up the point of my mother's selflessness. aaron is taking me to another show next week. we're seeing the mars volta next wednesday but my mother has another treatment that thursday that i usually drive her to. when i asked if i could go, without hesitation she assured me that i didn't need to worry about driving her around. i don't know who will or if she even knows who will. i'd certainly come home early if she needed me to.
this new mars volta album is simply amazing. i can't really explain it more than that but i feel lucky to have discovered such awesome music. can't wait to see them live. can't wait to see my honey.
despite the hardships that have come along, i feel incredibly lucky for everything i have right now. i call it luck because i don't deserve this anymore than anyone else does. but i'll admit, i don't not deserve it. this is the first time i can ever recall feeling this good and lucky. something's bound to go wrong soon.