anger?
i think im selfish oh well. realistically, i dont care about high school and the people in it. its a complete waste of time on my part. i cannot wait to get out of this awful town and these awful people and actually make something of myself. im committing to him because i want ambition for him.. i want HIM to strive. some days i think of my past and some things that i did that i cant be proud of and i wonder what id be like if i still did those things. it scares me sometimes and then it makes me angry i dont know why. i definitely have to see cold creek manor this weekend i just keep putting it off. mart thinks im bipolar or schizophrenic, either way i figure... im on to better things now i think. i am happy i just dont know why i dont show it. nothing is good enough for me. and i hate that- maybe thats just the way i was brought up by a maniac of a so called mother. i need help. i rencociled with my sister which gives me hope.. i just hate being immature sometimes. grrr and mom wont fix the god damn spaghetti already im hungry mom. i always confuse myself as to when he will surprise me... he never does when i want him to- go figure! considering Flagler college- barbato clued me in on this program they have with my major- fashion merchandising. i spend 2 yrs at flagler then go to NY on an internship for a year, then spend my last yr at flagler. that internship could be the ticket to fabulous things for me. i love him, and i love the prospects for the future.