return to livejournal!
For some reason I was compelled to log in to facebook for the first time in 6 months... the last time was to write an account of my first date with David, and I just really haven't been on here since. part of that is that it's incredibly hard updating this thing with my cellphone. :p
so what's new in my life? I'm living by Bucktown in Chicago, trying my best to make due supporting myself in this putrid economy... a lot of things about it seem bleak but I think things will pick up after the holidays. I'm also trying to remain friends with Sean, which is difficult considering some of what happened and his emotional vacancy. The details of our breakup were, as I understood them, mostly based around three factors: he developed an interest in having a family despite earlier decisions (and invasive medical procedures) that indicated otherwise, he felt he didn't or possibly couldn't feel as strongly about us as I did, and that at this point in his life he was uninterested in having a partner. He handled the situation poorly and initially gave me no reasons for the decision but after a while we sorted it out and I agreed it was for the best. Unforunately his mostly clinical interest in most people makes him a poor candidate for being any sort of friend, as does his unwillingness to make time for normal social things. That being said, when I was in close proximity and he was less busy, he was my best friend for almost a decade and I sincerely hope he is satisfied with wherever/however he ends up. One of my clients said something today that I think sums it up pretty well - a good relationship pushes and challenges you to grow, unfortunately sometimes that direction takes you away from each other.
I had another dating experience muddled in there with someone I consider the weakest, laziest, most cowardly, unmotivated waste of tissue I've met. I rarely wish ill upon others but I would get some satisfaction over seeing him stumble over the insanely, ridiculously stupid decisions he makes. And his teeth rotting out of his increasingly chinless greasy head, because apparently that was already happening. He continually replaced one unhealthy obsssion with another, failing to look at and assess any situation in the light of reality, never learning from mistakes or growing. He was such an immense blubbering, stupid chore to deal with, I think I will have anxiety problems forever as a result. I desperately wish it had all never happened because it added nothing of value to my life. just loads and loads of seething frustration and shame and disgust. I look back on all of it as being the longest-running instance in my life of "what in the hell were you THINKING?!" I could go on for days, as some of my private entries do.
But despite my bad luck previously, everything changed when I met David. We clicked immediately; and everything about him is captivating. Our first date ended up spanning almost two days, we walked around Chicago and Kenosha til my feet were blistered. Looking at a calendar one could say it was very quick, the way it progressed, and the timing was horrible for both of us, having both just been through very messy and unpleasant breakups. We didn't want it to be based around feelings of insecurity from breakup fallout but we both knew it was a lot more than just rebound comfort. It took off like a freight train... and everything you have ever heard in some eye-roller romantic comedy, cheesy as it may sound, that's how it is. I never imagined I'd meet someone who fit me so well and reciprocated my feelings. He's honest and understands how to treat someone with consideration rather than just being patronizing. He respects me and treats me like a partner and an equal... I want to gush about it for years; when I see him I see a future that makes me happy.
I met two of these people the same way. funny how one thing can be responsible for both the best and worst things that you've experienced...
so what's new in my life? I'm living by Bucktown in Chicago, trying my best to make due supporting myself in this putrid economy... a lot of things about it seem bleak but I think things will pick up after the holidays. I'm also trying to remain friends with Sean, which is difficult considering some of what happened and his emotional vacancy. The details of our breakup were, as I understood them, mostly based around three factors: he developed an interest in having a family despite earlier decisions (and invasive medical procedures) that indicated otherwise, he felt he didn't or possibly couldn't feel as strongly about us as I did, and that at this point in his life he was uninterested in having a partner. He handled the situation poorly and initially gave me no reasons for the decision but after a while we sorted it out and I agreed it was for the best. Unforunately his mostly clinical interest in most people makes him a poor candidate for being any sort of friend, as does his unwillingness to make time for normal social things. That being said, when I was in close proximity and he was less busy, he was my best friend for almost a decade and I sincerely hope he is satisfied with wherever/however he ends up. One of my clients said something today that I think sums it up pretty well - a good relationship pushes and challenges you to grow, unfortunately sometimes that direction takes you away from each other.
I had another dating experience muddled in there with someone I consider the weakest, laziest, most cowardly, unmotivated waste of tissue I've met. I rarely wish ill upon others but I would get some satisfaction over seeing him stumble over the insanely, ridiculously stupid decisions he makes. And his teeth rotting out of his increasingly chinless greasy head, because apparently that was already happening. He continually replaced one unhealthy obsssion with another, failing to look at and assess any situation in the light of reality, never learning from mistakes or growing. He was such an immense blubbering, stupid chore to deal with, I think I will have anxiety problems forever as a result. I desperately wish it had all never happened because it added nothing of value to my life. just loads and loads of seething frustration and shame and disgust. I look back on all of it as being the longest-running instance in my life of "what in the hell were you THINKING?!" I could go on for days, as some of my private entries do.
But despite my bad luck previously, everything changed when I met David. We clicked immediately; and everything about him is captivating. Our first date ended up spanning almost two days, we walked around Chicago and Kenosha til my feet were blistered. Looking at a calendar one could say it was very quick, the way it progressed, and the timing was horrible for both of us, having both just been through very messy and unpleasant breakups. We didn't want it to be based around feelings of insecurity from breakup fallout but we both knew it was a lot more than just rebound comfort. It took off like a freight train... and everything you have ever heard in some eye-roller romantic comedy, cheesy as it may sound, that's how it is. I never imagined I'd meet someone who fit me so well and reciprocated my feelings. He's honest and understands how to treat someone with consideration rather than just being patronizing. He respects me and treats me like a partner and an equal... I want to gush about it for years; when I see him I see a future that makes me happy.
I met two of these people the same way. funny how one thing can be responsible for both the best and worst things that you've experienced...