Needs: Yours VS Mine
Everytime it doesn't work out between me and a guy, the guy says he needs time to himself. He needs time away from me. Now don't get me wrong! I fully understand the reason behind all of that. I honestly do. However, I'm almost the opposite. Maybe it's just because almost no one really talks to me as much as that person has. Maybe I just need the company. Or maybe on some subconscious level I don't understand it- which isn't true. Because it makes sense that that person would need their time. It's just that I'm not like that, so giving them what they want, what they need, makes it more difficult for me.
But that's how it's always been with me, for some reason. My old best friend Will, who I was friends with for years, fell in love with me and told me that he needed time away from me in order for his feelings to cool down. Next thing you know, he wanted all or nothing. It was either him and I together, or no him and I at all. Needless to say, we haven't talked in a long while. I'll never forgive him for throwing away one of the best friendships I've ever had. I just don't understand how someone can't grow up and understand their feelings and how to deal with them. I know it's rough sometimes. Really rough. But that's no excuse to throw away a friendship, ever.
However, it wasn't just Will. Other guys have done that, as well. They told me they "loved" me, and then told me to choose: relationship, or nothing. And just for the record, anyone who says I have to make that choice is not worth my time, and they will be given nothing.
I think what it basically comes down to is that I'm afraid of every guy being like that. Even the ones that I care about. And it will hurt me more than it will hurt them if I have to tell that person, someone I care about, that I have nothing to give them if they hand me that choice. Because if they give me that decision to make, then it'll show they're not worth my time, and I would feel used. I'm just nervous I guess. I'm really scared of being used. I'm scared of ending up with no one who cares about me platonically. Why can't I have guy friends who are just friends? I mean, I do have guy friends who are strictly guy friends, but not many. And I know it's quality over quantity, but damn.. I'd really like to have more solid and true friends. Friends that actually want to hang out with me. Friends that call me up, even if it's just to talk. Friends that aren't embarrassed by who I am. Friends that understand and are willing to listen to some shit sometimes. I mean, I'm always all ears for each one of my friends.
Did I do something to "deserve" this? Am I really that bad of a person? What is it about me that I can't make friends who want to really be friends with me?
(I mean no disrespect to anyone. I'm just speaking my mind. Make me think otherwise if you have a doubt.)
(And there is no victor of who's needs are more important. They're equally important, just different.)