i can't get these demons out. the knives, the knives are too dull to cut still i bleed and bleed!
the a moment and i am graved .. how is it that i try and help only to be toiled and tooled as a fool .. i help and when i need help i am shunned and betrayed by those who i have grown to depend on.. i'm happy for you .. i have bad days.. but alas it must mean i am mad .. well i'm not .. i feel as a failure does ..that i devote me myself and i to a cause only to find that it is only me myself and i alone .. on the battle field .. it must be my flaw that i think of all others before my self .. and the moment i look inward i get stabbed in the back .. .. i aid when asked for help .. i give when i see its needed .. but everyone else i find is out to get what they can for hemselves..that make me want to cry. and i, godless yet more human and compassionate than most in my moment of weakness look faithfully on those i need to support me.. and there are none .. only those that enrage and annoy.. is it me!? is my weight so that no one can support me .. i have taught you to forgive and to look past the most hideous acts in the name of love as you have reminded me .. but now it feels that because i am in turmoil you feel that the world is all about you.. and my outrage has everything to do with everything that happens to you.. i fear, not! .. my smile is hidden by heavy burdens and if you so call yourself friend you would know to take me at my word and leave you uneducated opinions of what i may or may not think in your empty head... friend, if that be your name? ask.. and i will confide that my woes are more worrisome and bare more weight than your child like spine can bare ... you are weak and cannot take the strains i have had to ... do not say that i hate the things i helped time and time again to repair .. if you feel that i am mad then ask me .. and i will tell you the truth .. and it is, that i was not.. grow up!