ummmmm
nothing to say! ha HA
oh wait. i remember
on saturday night i called my mom around 1130 NY time. which is 930 washington time, so i wasnt sure if she'd be up, but i called anyway. i had just walked by their old place in clinton hill earlier in the day, and to my surprise, there was an open house for the condominiums it had recently become. here come's the neighborhood!
so! i had to tell her about how i went inside and whatnot. it was done up so slick and nasty. i swear to god, taste is dead.
also, ive been talking to my mom a lot lately, essentially because i suddenly don't have megan to tell everything to. she was gone for 10 days in california. now she's back, and i feel like it will be different than before i left, like maybe we both appreciated the separation and dont really want it back. but im still trying to figure out whether thats how i feel or not. so.
my mom is still awake, although she's kind of drunk. i can tell because she sounds a certain way. we ended up having a LONG conversation and covered a number of topics which didnt really resonate completely with me until this morning while i was at work.
i talked to her when i went to get falafal, and mentioned the girth of our talk, and she said something about me getting all caught up. but essentially, she was a little truthier than usual, and i really got some dirt!
okay, list format time.
1. my brother is moving back from montana to home, which i knew about but didnt know my mom's true feelings about. which are: she is worried because my dad and brother have a fairly shitty relationship in which my brother thinks my dad has been a terrible father (given a big boost by the patriarchal christian identity he has subscribed to of late), and my father is afraid of my brother, and especially defensive around him. also, they havent spent any time together really in the last 4 years.
also, my brother is kind of a dick. my mom confessed 'you know, i love him because he is my son, but i dont really like him.' she'd never say that sober! she also might take it back if she remembers saying it.
he's kind of a prick to my little sister, very bossy to her and cruel to the boys she dates. which is even weirder considering their history. i learned that he once told ellen he wanted to be the one to introduce her to drugs, since he KNOWS (how to control himself? yeah right). what a lame ass.
which brings me to number 2
2. my sister is going to start having sex. her and my mom are pretty close, and my sis was on birth control because she got a cyst, then said she didnt want to be on bc anymore. THEN, recently, she met this guy james (of lesbian mother fame), and she changed her mind about going off the birth control. SO, good for her.
and my mom says: 'well, if she's going to lose her virginity he's not a bad choice!' she totally has a crush on him. she wouldnt stop saying how sweet and (essentially) HOT he is. haha
3. mom mentioned that dad has recently discovered text messaging, and has been texting with 'caroline' who is the woman he had an affair with. my mom didnt say anything about a discovery on her part, only that they are friends and my dad doesnt seem to see anything wrong with it, or wont accept guilt.
im assuming that my dad is depressed and looking back to the relationship for a little pick me up, whether he acts on it or not.
he is in mexico now, and has been for awhile by himself. he seemed to think that it would be good for him, and he would make art. but instead he is lonely and asked his dad to come down and visit. expecting to make art is always kind of failure trap, the more pressure the less
i think he is headed down a bad road, though. i see a pattern of his avoiding his demons, or troubles, or anxieties. i can see it because i do the same thing when im manic and freaked out. take off in different directions to try and escape a feeling, which never works. i think he needs to seek therapy. a good therapist. but hes very sensitive, easily hurt, and gets angry. he fights with my teenage sister, slams doors, yells. he gets so pathetic. he needs constant emotional support, and cant handle criticism. most of his real friends dont really like spending time with him anymore.
the more i thought about it this morning, the more dismal it all seemed.
and it made me feel like i needed to go home and check up on my family. but then i thought, what am i supposed to do? i can't tell them what to do. its not really my place to DO things. ill let them know im here to talk, and call and whatnot. but both of those shithead guys arent the kind who take advice. especially when its reasonable!
oh wait. i remember
on saturday night i called my mom around 1130 NY time. which is 930 washington time, so i wasnt sure if she'd be up, but i called anyway. i had just walked by their old place in clinton hill earlier in the day, and to my surprise, there was an open house for the condominiums it had recently become. here come's the neighborhood!
so! i had to tell her about how i went inside and whatnot. it was done up so slick and nasty. i swear to god, taste is dead.
also, ive been talking to my mom a lot lately, essentially because i suddenly don't have megan to tell everything to. she was gone for 10 days in california. now she's back, and i feel like it will be different than before i left, like maybe we both appreciated the separation and dont really want it back. but im still trying to figure out whether thats how i feel or not. so.
my mom is still awake, although she's kind of drunk. i can tell because she sounds a certain way. we ended up having a LONG conversation and covered a number of topics which didnt really resonate completely with me until this morning while i was at work.
i talked to her when i went to get falafal, and mentioned the girth of our talk, and she said something about me getting all caught up. but essentially, she was a little truthier than usual, and i really got some dirt!
okay, list format time.
1. my brother is moving back from montana to home, which i knew about but didnt know my mom's true feelings about. which are: she is worried because my dad and brother have a fairly shitty relationship in which my brother thinks my dad has been a terrible father (given a big boost by the patriarchal christian identity he has subscribed to of late), and my father is afraid of my brother, and especially defensive around him. also, they havent spent any time together really in the last 4 years.
also, my brother is kind of a dick. my mom confessed 'you know, i love him because he is my son, but i dont really like him.' she'd never say that sober! she also might take it back if she remembers saying it.
he's kind of a prick to my little sister, very bossy to her and cruel to the boys she dates. which is even weirder considering their history. i learned that he once told ellen he wanted to be the one to introduce her to drugs, since he KNOWS (how to control himself? yeah right). what a lame ass.
which brings me to number 2
2. my sister is going to start having sex. her and my mom are pretty close, and my sis was on birth control because she got a cyst, then said she didnt want to be on bc anymore. THEN, recently, she met this guy james (of lesbian mother fame), and she changed her mind about going off the birth control. SO, good for her.
and my mom says: 'well, if she's going to lose her virginity he's not a bad choice!' she totally has a crush on him. she wouldnt stop saying how sweet and (essentially) HOT he is. haha
3. mom mentioned that dad has recently discovered text messaging, and has been texting with 'caroline' who is the woman he had an affair with. my mom didnt say anything about a discovery on her part, only that they are friends and my dad doesnt seem to see anything wrong with it, or wont accept guilt.
im assuming that my dad is depressed and looking back to the relationship for a little pick me up, whether he acts on it or not.
he is in mexico now, and has been for awhile by himself. he seemed to think that it would be good for him, and he would make art. but instead he is lonely and asked his dad to come down and visit. expecting to make art is always kind of failure trap, the more pressure the less
i think he is headed down a bad road, though. i see a pattern of his avoiding his demons, or troubles, or anxieties. i can see it because i do the same thing when im manic and freaked out. take off in different directions to try and escape a feeling, which never works. i think he needs to seek therapy. a good therapist. but hes very sensitive, easily hurt, and gets angry. he fights with my teenage sister, slams doors, yells. he gets so pathetic. he needs constant emotional support, and cant handle criticism. most of his real friends dont really like spending time with him anymore.
the more i thought about it this morning, the more dismal it all seemed.
and it made me feel like i needed to go home and check up on my family. but then i thought, what am i supposed to do? i can't tell them what to do. its not really my place to DO things. ill let them know im here to talk, and call and whatnot. but both of those shithead guys arent the kind who take advice. especially when its reasonable!