I got up way to Early Again
It's a new year again. 2006 Only 3 yrs and 10 months of probation left!
I had an apointment this morning that got me out of bed way to early this morning. I had it all planned out very well; First my appointment, then finish my laundry while playing WoW. Yeah Blizzard decided to through a huge kink in it by updating all morning long. So I got my laundry finished and sat around watching TV and chatting with my buddy in Austin. Then it happens, I saw a commercial that made me cry. It was an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting in which a little boy stood up telling his name and when he started drinking. It is common knowledge among Alcoholics in the program that most of us started drinking before High School. About half of us did so with parental consent. I know I need to grow up and not play the blame game. I need to learn to take responsibility for my actions and not lie. Sounds easy enough for folks that are already used to doing all of those. Many times I have been givin the oppurtunity to change my ways. Daily I am givin the chance. I go several days usually without telling a lie. But then something comes up and my mouth opens without consulting my brain and I am left wishing I were dead again. This is not a sympathy plea or a suicide note to anyone who reads this. I am way to chicken shit to kill myself. The only time I have come close I was aided by Drugs and Alcohol. Those are both out of the picture, drugs longer than alcohol, but none the less out of the picture. I have set some new goals and am trying not to live by the seat of my pants. I have a huge responsiblity at work now and a really sweet friend that lets me call her now and again. I wonder if it really is getting up too early that makes me see how much work I have left to get my life in order or if the amount of coffee I wind up drinking sends me into a nervous frenzy. I think I am going to go hit a meeting. That always helps.
I had an apointment this morning that got me out of bed way to early this morning. I had it all planned out very well; First my appointment, then finish my laundry while playing WoW. Yeah Blizzard decided to through a huge kink in it by updating all morning long. So I got my laundry finished and sat around watching TV and chatting with my buddy in Austin. Then it happens, I saw a commercial that made me cry. It was an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting in which a little boy stood up telling his name and when he started drinking. It is common knowledge among Alcoholics in the program that most of us started drinking before High School. About half of us did so with parental consent. I know I need to grow up and not play the blame game. I need to learn to take responsibility for my actions and not lie. Sounds easy enough for folks that are already used to doing all of those. Many times I have been givin the oppurtunity to change my ways. Daily I am givin the chance. I go several days usually without telling a lie. But then something comes up and my mouth opens without consulting my brain and I am left wishing I were dead again. This is not a sympathy plea or a suicide note to anyone who reads this. I am way to chicken shit to kill myself. The only time I have come close I was aided by Drugs and Alcohol. Those are both out of the picture, drugs longer than alcohol, but none the less out of the picture. I have set some new goals and am trying not to live by the seat of my pants. I have a huge responsiblity at work now and a really sweet friend that lets me call her now and again. I wonder if it really is getting up too early that makes me see how much work I have left to get my life in order or if the amount of coffee I wind up drinking sends me into a nervous frenzy. I think I am going to go hit a meeting. That always helps.