This will be my selfish Journal so be aware!
I just wanted to let everyone know who reads this that it is a selfish journal. This will be my outlet for things out of my control that irratate me and there is nothing I can do but let it go and ask God to fix it. I cried at the meeting this morning. Luckily I was in the corner and I don't think anyone noticed I was even there. Today we talked about Forgiveness. Perfect topic after working through some of the details of step one with Sally last night. I keep busting out in tears when I feel His hand on my shoulder. I found out today that I don't have to forgive anyone for anything to recover. I found that God has Forgiven me. After years of denial and self abuse He still loves me and wants to help. I know I have a lot of friends and family that feel the same way about me, but here is where it has to start. I don't get the privilage of forgiving. That right is left to God. I can only forgive myself, now that He has told me I am forgiven. I can change my ways. I can live humbly with Him. By living His way I am showing I forgive myself. My resentments are just that. The grudge that I hold on you for whatever, is just that, a grudge. It's a lot easier for me to let a grudge go than to forgive. Why am I holding a grudge? Maybe because I didn't get my way. Or what my expectations have been were not being met. Could it have been a situation that I thought was in my control became obviously not by an action you committed. Probably a combination of all these at once. Well here I sit telling you and God that these things were out of my control therefore I must concede they were Gods Will. Who am I to judge God? I am nothing without Him and you. I have had a remarkable week. I have slipped up only in how the truth rolls off my tongue into a selfish lie. Patience, meditation, prayer. One day at a time. Thanks to all my family and friends who have helped me along this journey of spiritual discovery. I have my Armor on today and nothing evil shall penetrate.