(no subject)
its one of those nights. a night to feel disconnected from everyone...
i dont like it.
there are a few things leading me to feel this way...
one is my dog being put down tomorrow morning. this creature that has shared in our family for nearly 15 years. more than half my life has been spent with this dog in it. im torn as to whether i want to be there with her or not... i think i should, but i just really dont want to. i dont want that flood of emotions... but maybe it would be better to feel the rage of the monsoon in one go instead of letting it seep in over the course of days and weeks...
two is my not having a job, and the stress that ensues from that. parental, mostly... and while im painting rather regularly, i am lazy a large portion of the day, leaving me with a sense of worthlessness. if i can keep the creativity flowing for a couple hours, then great, but if not, my thoughts get darker...
three is the anxhiety of a possible move. the one to canada. the one ive been bothering you all with incessantly for the last few months... there is a lot to do, yet i feel this reluctance to give in to it fully... there is a girl involved, and that has been stressing me out more than anything. its been stressing her out too. and all that stress combines to form two giant monsters in space, duking it out. i preffer to envision a giant squid and sperm whale goin at it, beating each other up...
so yeah, this all leaves me wandering through the night, not sure what to focus on...
i feel like crying, but no tears are ready for the journey out my eye.
for now im going to go finish a painting and see where the night takes me. probably ill stay here, and be in another time zone...
-brandon
i dont like it.
there are a few things leading me to feel this way...
one is my dog being put down tomorrow morning. this creature that has shared in our family for nearly 15 years. more than half my life has been spent with this dog in it. im torn as to whether i want to be there with her or not... i think i should, but i just really dont want to. i dont want that flood of emotions... but maybe it would be better to feel the rage of the monsoon in one go instead of letting it seep in over the course of days and weeks...
two is my not having a job, and the stress that ensues from that. parental, mostly... and while im painting rather regularly, i am lazy a large portion of the day, leaving me with a sense of worthlessness. if i can keep the creativity flowing for a couple hours, then great, but if not, my thoughts get darker...
three is the anxhiety of a possible move. the one to canada. the one ive been bothering you all with incessantly for the last few months... there is a lot to do, yet i feel this reluctance to give in to it fully... there is a girl involved, and that has been stressing me out more than anything. its been stressing her out too. and all that stress combines to form two giant monsters in space, duking it out. i preffer to envision a giant squid and sperm whale goin at it, beating each other up...
so yeah, this all leaves me wandering through the night, not sure what to focus on...
i feel like crying, but no tears are ready for the journey out my eye.
for now im going to go finish a painting and see where the night takes me. probably ill stay here, and be in another time zone...
-brandon