A part apart
I miss my family. By my family I mean my father, mother, sister, and Daniella. It feels so unnatural to be away from them. I know that I am doing what I need to do, but ultimately you only have a limited amount of time on this earth, hell in the realm of EXISTENCE, to be with the ones you love. I am not sure what I feel about the afterlife- one thing I have settled on is that whatever it is, it is how it is SUPPOSED to be- but the thought of my mother or father passing with me never being able to talk to them or see them again... I can't handle. I can barely write. We aren't meant to live like this. We aren't meant to live in a world so big that people that love each other must live so far apart. And like Daniella, she is my soul sister. We have always said that, and we use the term "soul sister" because it describes the fact that it is a very special connection, very rare connection. Yet we are hardly able to see each other either. I hate to say it but I am afraid of us drifting apart. I know that we will always have that connection deep down- I have no doubt of that. But when you never see someone, your habits and thoughts and LIVES just naturally... drift. I have always wanted to travel, to see EVERYTHING, study in South America and Africa, backpack across Europe, tramp across the US... but is this the COST? Why must you choose between your life and having the ones you love around you? Why can't we just live in tribes and do it all together? I guess maybe this is just a transition point and that eventually something will get figured out, get better. I mean I am sure once I have a child my parents will HAVE to move closer so they can be a part of its life. I guess I am at the age (25) where I am SUPPOSED (not that I believe that there is a set plan of your life of how things are supposed to go, but what I am referring to is just that there is a time and place for everything- an ebb and flow) to go my own way, find my own path, leave the ones I love, even if just for a little bit. Like that Winnie the Pooh quote, "If there ever comes a day when we can't be together, keep me in your heart, I'll stay there forever." And it's true. I still feel the presence of my missing loved ones; I feel it everyday, maybe every second. Maybe I wouldn't feel it or acknowledge it if we didn't have this time apart. Maybe it's showing me a different side of our love. Maybe it's revealing its strength. And being able to see this is truly wonderful. It's like a little strand inside of me, that kind of hurts, yet also feels so beautiful, warm and beyond value.