moon.
*warning*: long post meant more for me than for you
in 9th grade, i happened upon a new boy, who coincidentally became friends with the boy i liked. this fellow, by the name of 'moon' eventually became a good friend of mine. we were in band together, both liked anime, and loved to stumble upon quirky tv shows that nobody has ever heard of. we talked on the phone for hours, and he listened to me talk about everything. friends, family, that cute boy. he would be the one person who always remember my birthday and buy me christmas presents that i actually liked b/c he knew me well enough to know my tastes. we were good friends up til the point when i sort of made him blurt out who he liked, unfortunately it was me. i didn't know how to deal with it so i took to ignoring him for a good six months if not more. for some reason, we started talking again and things quickly gelled back together just like they were before.
before long, it was senior year. he hung out with me and my group of friends a bunch, but began to spread himself out amongst other cliques, which was good for him, he wasn't really tight with most of my friends anyways. he grew to semi-popularity, and we hung out less but we still talked a lot be it on the phone or online. then college, we went to different schools but they were fairly close to each other (usc and ucla). we didn't visit each other that often, but we still had marathon phone conversations. things were great, but in our second year of college, i could feel our friendship tapering off. we were both busy with our own college lives, so talking became quite sparse. when i saw him online, he'd be busy or about to go out. when he called me, i'd have something to do or someone to talk to. soon, i came to just cut conversations off whenever there was the slightest hint that he'd have something to do. we talked less and less.
it was a great surprise to see him come out to chinatown with a bunch of our friends from high school on a saturday morning. i hadn't seen or talked to him for a long time so i didn't even know he was going. we hung out, talked, laughed, and to me, it seemed to be a good day. however, after being ditched by one of my friends, i had to ride the bus back to campus with another girl. i was told that it's easy and that the buses run until 6:30pm. unfortunately for me, my friend was wrong and i got stuck in the cold waiting for a bus that never came. i ended up calling one of my friends for a ride home. chinatown was 10 minutes away from campus, but it took me an hour and a half to get back. i was steamed. i called my friend and he didn't pick up. so of course, i naturally called moon next, i always vented to him. bad fricking move.
the next day, he told me that he thought we shouldn't talk to each other anymore. i was shocked, i had no idea what was going on. upset and angry, hurtful words were exchanged by both of us. he had been upset at me a lot of times before, but never said anything, and it had all come out at that moment. then, it was over. he said he needed space. i decided that since he came up with the idea to stop talking, i would respect that and cease contact until he was ready to talk to me. i didn't tell anyone about what happened because i didn't feel that anyone needed to know. it was between him and i. i looked back at some of the things he had said to me and was still angry, but deep down inside, i knew he was right. the skies in gooland weren't sunny for days. but slowly, the pain buried itself deep, only hurting when it was dug up. we didn't talk until 3 months later when i saw that it was his birthday. i didn't know if he wanted to talk to me yet, but i decided to text him a happy birthday. he called to say thank you and we talked for a bit. i thought things were on their way to being back to normal. but i would IM him and he'd either not answer or say he was busy. i was treading on thin ice so i decided not to ask any questions. but i still kept saying hi in hopes that he wouldn't be busy. up until today, he was still busy.
i know he'll probably never read this, nor will anyone else besides twit b/c apparently no one knows this exists, but i regret a lot of things that i've done concerning my friendship with moon. i'm sorry for all that i've done wrong, and while i'm not saying everything is my fault, a good majority of it probably is. i need to be more independent and not come running to you whenever life veers in the wrong direction. there's a limit to how much a friend can vent to a friend, regardless of how good of friends they may be. i didn't appreciate our friendship, nor do i think i've ever told you thank you for being there for me all the time. as cliche as this sounds, you were there for me through thick and thin. i know i had previously said something kind of weird, i never considered you one of my best friends even though you were the friend i had talked with the most and was the most open with. but now i'm not sure if i knew what i was talking about back then. i didn't think i would miss you nearly as much as i did, nor do i want to admit it. for everything that i've done wrong, i'm sorry. i hope one day, things will be back to how they were.
in 9th grade, i happened upon a new boy, who coincidentally became friends with the boy i liked. this fellow, by the name of 'moon' eventually became a good friend of mine. we were in band together, both liked anime, and loved to stumble upon quirky tv shows that nobody has ever heard of. we talked on the phone for hours, and he listened to me talk about everything. friends, family, that cute boy. he would be the one person who always remember my birthday and buy me christmas presents that i actually liked b/c he knew me well enough to know my tastes. we were good friends up til the point when i sort of made him blurt out who he liked, unfortunately it was me. i didn't know how to deal with it so i took to ignoring him for a good six months if not more. for some reason, we started talking again and things quickly gelled back together just like they were before.
before long, it was senior year. he hung out with me and my group of friends a bunch, but began to spread himself out amongst other cliques, which was good for him, he wasn't really tight with most of my friends anyways. he grew to semi-popularity, and we hung out less but we still talked a lot be it on the phone or online. then college, we went to different schools but they were fairly close to each other (usc and ucla). we didn't visit each other that often, but we still had marathon phone conversations. things were great, but in our second year of college, i could feel our friendship tapering off. we were both busy with our own college lives, so talking became quite sparse. when i saw him online, he'd be busy or about to go out. when he called me, i'd have something to do or someone to talk to. soon, i came to just cut conversations off whenever there was the slightest hint that he'd have something to do. we talked less and less.
it was a great surprise to see him come out to chinatown with a bunch of our friends from high school on a saturday morning. i hadn't seen or talked to him for a long time so i didn't even know he was going. we hung out, talked, laughed, and to me, it seemed to be a good day. however, after being ditched by one of my friends, i had to ride the bus back to campus with another girl. i was told that it's easy and that the buses run until 6:30pm. unfortunately for me, my friend was wrong and i got stuck in the cold waiting for a bus that never came. i ended up calling one of my friends for a ride home. chinatown was 10 minutes away from campus, but it took me an hour and a half to get back. i was steamed. i called my friend and he didn't pick up. so of course, i naturally called moon next, i always vented to him. bad fricking move.
the next day, he told me that he thought we shouldn't talk to each other anymore. i was shocked, i had no idea what was going on. upset and angry, hurtful words were exchanged by both of us. he had been upset at me a lot of times before, but never said anything, and it had all come out at that moment. then, it was over. he said he needed space. i decided that since he came up with the idea to stop talking, i would respect that and cease contact until he was ready to talk to me. i didn't tell anyone about what happened because i didn't feel that anyone needed to know. it was between him and i. i looked back at some of the things he had said to me and was still angry, but deep down inside, i knew he was right. the skies in gooland weren't sunny for days. but slowly, the pain buried itself deep, only hurting when it was dug up. we didn't talk until 3 months later when i saw that it was his birthday. i didn't know if he wanted to talk to me yet, but i decided to text him a happy birthday. he called to say thank you and we talked for a bit. i thought things were on their way to being back to normal. but i would IM him and he'd either not answer or say he was busy. i was treading on thin ice so i decided not to ask any questions. but i still kept saying hi in hopes that he wouldn't be busy. up until today, he was still busy.
i know he'll probably never read this, nor will anyone else besides twit b/c apparently no one knows this exists, but i regret a lot of things that i've done concerning my friendship with moon. i'm sorry for all that i've done wrong, and while i'm not saying everything is my fault, a good majority of it probably is. i need to be more independent and not come running to you whenever life veers in the wrong direction. there's a limit to how much a friend can vent to a friend, regardless of how good of friends they may be. i didn't appreciate our friendship, nor do i think i've ever told you thank you for being there for me all the time. as cliche as this sounds, you were there for me through thick and thin. i know i had previously said something kind of weird, i never considered you one of my best friends even though you were the friend i had talked with the most and was the most open with. but now i'm not sure if i knew what i was talking about back then. i didn't think i would miss you nearly as much as i did, nor do i want to admit it. for everything that i've done wrong, i'm sorry. i hope one day, things will be back to how they were.