i miss my boyfriend.
So I'm grounded. I miss Joey a lot. He's not being
cooperative about it. I waited allllll day for it to be time for
him to call me. And he didn't. And so I called him like 4
times and he didn't pick up. So about 2 hours later he calls me
back, asks to talk to Andy, and then I get the phone and he's like,
"Hey, can I just call you tomorrow because I can't hear you and you
can't hear me." And then I was like "...yeah." And then I
just gave in and let a tear run down my cheek. It wasn't just
from that. It was a combination of everything that's been going
on. But I'm good now. Except for the fact that I miss Joey
a lot. I had always questioned if I liked him as much as I
thought I did. Because it's like he's my soul-mate. He
would always tell me that he missed me so much, but I always think that
he's just saying that. Well, here's a strike against that.
Here I am, having a horrible day, missing him like crazy, and he can't
even talk to me on the phone. It makes me feel so dumb for
believing him when he says that. I kind of felt bad when he would
say stuff like that because I only missed him a little, or something,
but now I feel worse. This is just a horrible week. And
Joey can't even call me. When he gets his chains tightened on his
teeth, or when he's sick, I call him sooo much, even just to see how
he's doing. Oh, that reminds me. His bottom left tooth is
coming in. =] I'm really happy for him. He showed me it
after I pestered him. God, I care about him so much. I feel
really dumb because I'm only 15 years old and we're already kind of
talking about marriage. He wants to do stuff, and we've already
done some stuff, but like, I don't want to do more. I kind of
want to stick to that no sex until marriage thing. And I talked
to him about it. And he seemed to understand, but he was still
really confused. He kept asking me what changed my mind.
And nothing changed my mind, I just kind of... I don't
know. It was always like that. So we're not going to go any
farther, and like, we're not gonna do stuff a lot. Like, we
didn't even barely do stuff anyway, but I still felt kind of wrong
doing what we were doing. I really want him to be the person that
I marry, but after stuff like this, I don't know if he feels the
same. He tells me all the time that he's never going to break up
with me. And even Anthony said that we're perfect for
eachother. But then again, Anthony said that we'd last for a long
time, but he knows we'll break up. That scares me. I don't
want to last for a long time if we're going to break up. Like,
one time, he fell asleep on my couch, and Jeremy was on the computer,
and a movie was on, and instead of watching the movie, I just looked
and Joey and I was thought to myself, "God, I can't believe I'm
actually with him." It's so unbelievable to me that he can like
me in the way that he does. He makes me feel so lucky. I
can stare at him for hours. Sometimes he catches me staring at
him and I feel really stupid. But I don't care. I think I
love him. But I'm scared that I'm not good enough for him.
I don't want to fully committ to him because once I do, there's no
turning back. I want to have trust in our relationship, I really
do, but I'm scared. I've fallen for him way too hard already for
him to drop me. He honestly makes my day. I love him.
I love the way he smiles when goofs around. I like the way he
scrunches his shoulders up when he laughs. I love his vampire
teeth. I think they're adorable. I love his hands. No
matter what way I grab them, they fit perfectly with mine. I love
how he always tries to pop my thumbs. It hurts so bad, but it's
so cute. I love how jealous he is of me too. I pretend like
I hate it, but I love it. I love how he cares so much about
DDR. It's so nerdy, yet so cute. I think it's really cute
how out of breath he gets after playing some songs. And how he
inhales, then puts his hands on my shoulders, and hten exhales,
lowering his shoulders. I always cringe when he does, because
most of the time, he's going to pull me into him when he's all
sweaty. Then we go outside and he leans against a wall and pulls
me close to him. He always has to be the one who's leaning
against something. Never me. And when I do lean against
something, he moves me, and then pulls me onto him. I think it's
really sweet how he can't ever say dirty stuff in front of me. He
always nods his head when he'd normally say the word. And when we
used to talk about how far we'd go with eachother, it was so
akward. Yet, he still decided to tell the story about how his
aunt told Amber to use a condom, if she felt the urge to have sex with
Josh, ya, that nice story, right in front of my dad. I like how
he used to tell me that friends are before his girlfriend, and now he
says that he would side with me over his friends. I think it's
funny how he thinks he can beat up my brother. And especially how
he hates Andy Hulten because he used to be my closest guy friend.
I love how he thinks Sarah and Ashley are the coolest thing since
Nintendo came out. I love how blue his eyes are. But I've
noticed that they're gradually getting lighter. I love how curly
his hair gets when it's humid, or when he's sweaty, or when it's
raining. I love how he smells. I like it when he wears his
old shirts because they're tighter and I kind of like it to show off
his chissled(sp?) chest. I love his arms. He always thinks
I'm so weird becuase I put my hands up his sleeves and feel his arm
muscles. One time, I called him weird for like poking me or
something, so he put his hands up my sleeves and was like, "I'm
weird?" I was like, "shut up." and then he kissed my cheek.
I love how he kisses my cheek. And I love how we don't make out a
lot. We just kiss. I love it. I love how he knows
that I don't like spit, and when he spits, he puts his hand on my face,
turns it to the side, and pulls it to his chest, so I don't hear it or
see it. I know he cares about me a whole lot. So I don't
even know why I started writing this in the first place. I love
him.