(no subject)
i'm still so mad at you for hurting me.
i'm hung up on it and its really bothering me.
i want to say i cant believe you chose her over me,
but fuck, story of my goddamn life.
fuck this.
i hope she hurts you, and thats horrible to say because i love you.
but i don't like you right now.
for being the only person i didnt think would hurt me, then going right for it.
but i still hope she fucks you over because i know she will.
then i hope you try coming back to me and i'll tell you straight up
that its not fair.
the amount of desired revenge in my life is really killing me.
it's always been.
and i hate living my life like that
but just once i'd like to see some kind of repercussions for the shit thats been done to me.
and that makes me just as bad as everyone else, i realize.
but god, i've tried so hard.
i dont know what to do about college.
i'm not complaining but oswego gave me a lot of money in scholarships,
but i want to go to new paltz and they didn't give me anything.
so my dad's pushing oswego. ugh.
i think i'd fit in much better at new paltz.
hardcore gay hippie scene? yeah. i'm basically obligated to go there.
i just spent my entire saturday night sleeping.
and i don't know why i'm so tired.
i've been laying in my bed since 5 when i got home from the gym.
yeah. the gym. what a joke. that's not doing shit for me.
fuck.
i want to talk to someone.
but no ones online.
shit.
you know whats really lame.
therapists. i mean yeah they help or whatever, i wouldn't know.
but its not like they really care.
i mean i'm totally sure they went into psychiatry with the ambition to help people.
but its not like they're these great people that came up with all of their advice and everything on their own.
they learned it and probably had to be taught
"Okay, when a patient says this.... you say this."
that's shitty.
i'm sorry im shitty at helping you.
i'm trying.
it's hard when i'm basically just as fucked up as you are.
i need something good.
really soon.
i hate saying that because i know i have a few good things in my life right now.
but i need something really good.
something like what i almost just had.
i really needed that to work out.
damn.
brand new is tomorrow.
i hope that goes well.
it should.. i hope so?
how could it not though.
last softball game ever tomorrow morning.
i don't know if i'll miss it or what.
i hope it wasnt a huge mistake for me to not play.
but i'll have more time on my hands.
it's the end of senior year.
i wont have to deal with shitty people that i dont want in my life whatsoever.
just focus on those.
i don't really want many people in my life right now.
as in i feel so much like just being alone.
but i know i don't want to be.
but at the second i do.
i need a new start.
please. :[
i'm hung up on it and its really bothering me.
i want to say i cant believe you chose her over me,
but fuck, story of my goddamn life.
fuck this.
i hope she hurts you, and thats horrible to say because i love you.
but i don't like you right now.
for being the only person i didnt think would hurt me, then going right for it.
but i still hope she fucks you over because i know she will.
then i hope you try coming back to me and i'll tell you straight up
that its not fair.
the amount of desired revenge in my life is really killing me.
it's always been.
and i hate living my life like that
but just once i'd like to see some kind of repercussions for the shit thats been done to me.
and that makes me just as bad as everyone else, i realize.
but god, i've tried so hard.
i dont know what to do about college.
i'm not complaining but oswego gave me a lot of money in scholarships,
but i want to go to new paltz and they didn't give me anything.
so my dad's pushing oswego. ugh.
i think i'd fit in much better at new paltz.
hardcore gay hippie scene? yeah. i'm basically obligated to go there.
i just spent my entire saturday night sleeping.
and i don't know why i'm so tired.
i've been laying in my bed since 5 when i got home from the gym.
yeah. the gym. what a joke. that's not doing shit for me.
fuck.
i want to talk to someone.
but no ones online.
shit.
you know whats really lame.
therapists. i mean yeah they help or whatever, i wouldn't know.
but its not like they really care.
i mean i'm totally sure they went into psychiatry with the ambition to help people.
but its not like they're these great people that came up with all of their advice and everything on their own.
they learned it and probably had to be taught
"Okay, when a patient says this.... you say this."
that's shitty.
i'm sorry im shitty at helping you.
i'm trying.
it's hard when i'm basically just as fucked up as you are.
i need something good.
really soon.
i hate saying that because i know i have a few good things in my life right now.
but i need something really good.
something like what i almost just had.
i really needed that to work out.
damn.
brand new is tomorrow.
i hope that goes well.
it should.. i hope so?
how could it not though.
last softball game ever tomorrow morning.
i don't know if i'll miss it or what.
i hope it wasnt a huge mistake for me to not play.
but i'll have more time on my hands.
it's the end of senior year.
i wont have to deal with shitty people that i dont want in my life whatsoever.
just focus on those.
i don't really want many people in my life right now.
as in i feel so much like just being alone.
but i know i don't want to be.
but at the second i do.
i need a new start.
please. :[