Funny feeling...
I can't stop itching
over thoughts of tarnished hope
kinda funny
lonely feeling
I'm not in love
You know it's not love
I swear there is a song either by the used or brand new (sometimes both) that describes every mood ive ever been in, or every feeling ive had. this is why i love them so. but that is how i feel right now...lonely, but shouldnt i be in love? i really dont think i am. i'm not really happy, but i dont want to be alone. i hate that so much too, because ive always told myself that i would never depend on a guy for happiness. well, that went out the window apparently a little less than a year ago, but i didnt really realize it until now. i feel bad, because it seems like theres feelings for me sometimes, but most of the time i feel like he doesnt try. he hasnt really opened up to me...i feel like i dont really know who he is. and i know i havent opened up to him, but it's because he hasnt tried to get me to. i never let myself open up to people right away, because im deathly afraid of getting hurt. i think i would rather break my leg than have my heart broken anymore. so maybe it's my fault that this hasnt gone anywhere or gotten any more serious. i dont really know. i dont want to be the heart-breaker, because i know what it's like to be on the other end. "...my weakness is that i care too much." at the same time though, i would probably feel damn good to be the one to break someones heart for once. and another thing, as horrible as this sounds...i dont think i want a boyfriend over spring break. i feel like i just need to break out and have a good time. but then im afraid of what it will be like to have nothing to come home to, because i really don't know where the hell else i'm going to find a decent guy. plus theres the minor issue of him really wanting to do something that i just dont really want to do...at least, not with him. something's missing...something just isn't right about all of this. i dont know what to do. i'm good at giving advice, but when it comes to helping myself, im as useless as tits on a boar. so any ideas, throw em at me, and make sure they hit me nice and hard right between the eyes so that i pass out and dont have to worry about it!
Oh, and if you read this (yes, you), please don't feel like i was trying to be deceitful or anything by not telling you about this. I didn't do it on purpose, i just didn't bother i guess because i feel like it's already over. Obviously i haven't been happy, but you seem to have the ability to change that, and i don't know why...why are you so powerful from so far away?
over thoughts of tarnished hope
kinda funny
lonely feeling
I'm not in love
You know it's not love
I swear there is a song either by the used or brand new (sometimes both) that describes every mood ive ever been in, or every feeling ive had. this is why i love them so. but that is how i feel right now...lonely, but shouldnt i be in love? i really dont think i am. i'm not really happy, but i dont want to be alone. i hate that so much too, because ive always told myself that i would never depend on a guy for happiness. well, that went out the window apparently a little less than a year ago, but i didnt really realize it until now. i feel bad, because it seems like theres feelings for me sometimes, but most of the time i feel like he doesnt try. he hasnt really opened up to me...i feel like i dont really know who he is. and i know i havent opened up to him, but it's because he hasnt tried to get me to. i never let myself open up to people right away, because im deathly afraid of getting hurt. i think i would rather break my leg than have my heart broken anymore. so maybe it's my fault that this hasnt gone anywhere or gotten any more serious. i dont really know. i dont want to be the heart-breaker, because i know what it's like to be on the other end. "...my weakness is that i care too much." at the same time though, i would probably feel damn good to be the one to break someones heart for once. and another thing, as horrible as this sounds...i dont think i want a boyfriend over spring break. i feel like i just need to break out and have a good time. but then im afraid of what it will be like to have nothing to come home to, because i really don't know where the hell else i'm going to find a decent guy. plus theres the minor issue of him really wanting to do something that i just dont really want to do...at least, not with him. something's missing...something just isn't right about all of this. i dont know what to do. i'm good at giving advice, but when it comes to helping myself, im as useless as tits on a boar. so any ideas, throw em at me, and make sure they hit me nice and hard right between the eyes so that i pass out and dont have to worry about it!
Oh, and if you read this (yes, you), please don't feel like i was trying to be deceitful or anything by not telling you about this. I didn't do it on purpose, i just didn't bother i guess because i feel like it's already over. Obviously i haven't been happy, but you seem to have the ability to change that, and i don't know why...why are you so powerful from so far away?