.052
Dreams came tonight. They haven't bothered me this much since... I can't even remember. At least, not the midparts.
Is that my fate? Am I just like them? Will I succumb just like they did? Am I cursed to fall in line with the rest of The Order?
No, it's more than that. I've learned a lot about Silent Hill since coming here, and of The Order. Things from Eileen, from Henry, from James, hell, even Wesker... I have to wonder now. Was it me? Did I create that goddamn monster all on my own? Was I the executioner all along? Could I have hated dad that much then?
Everything's all fucked up and wrong in my head right now. I saw him here, once. Claire was dead, and Joshua's ghost was staring me down. Chris came, then Wesker, and then... him. I thought he was after me because I'd escaped Silent Hill. Maybe he was. But maybe he was there to punish me, because I wanted to punish myself.
Do people turn into monsters? I guess maybe as much as they're able to make them. Could I really become him? I never wanted to think about it again, but all those months ago, during that event, when I was a follower, it felt so righteous. After all, isn't that what I'm good for? I'm a loyal soldier, and not much else. I'll fall in line somewhere eventually. I can't rule out the possibility that it'll be there, with them, whether I want to or not. Shit, I'm sure dad didn't want to, but he did, too.
This entry doesn't even make sense anymore. I'm just trying to fit the pieces together in my head. The only problem is that so many pieces fit in so many different places, and I don't know which one goes where.
My name is Shepherd. I'm descended from the head founder. I am the failed sacrifice. I can't keep running from it forever.
I can't shake the feeling that it's all about to catch up with me.