Fic: Troper Tales
Title: Troper Tales (AO3)
Author: katiemariie
Pairing/Character: Abed/Troy
Rating: PG
Summary: Abed orchestrates a few roommate tropes.
Spoilers: Up until "Remedial Chaos Theory"
Word Count: ~800
Notes: Written for help_kelly for sarcasticsra.
Troy took a bite of an apple and nearly choked. There was something distinctly not-apple on his apple. He spat it out into his hand.TROY. “Abed, why does this apple have my name?”
“I took the liberty of labeling all of our food to prevent any future conflict.”
“Oh.” He put down the apple. He didn't know if he could eat something with a name, especially his name. “Does everything have to be labelled?”
“Everything we don't want to share. Anything that doesn't have a label is considered fair game.”
“Cool.” Troy backed away from the counter, eyeing the apple nervously. Did apples feel pain? “I'm gonna go get breakfast at McDonald's.”
“Cool. Cool, cool, cool.”
-
Later, after his Big Mac (turned out McDonald's stopped serving breakfast at eleven-who was even up that early?), Troy hit the Wal-Mart. (He knew he shouldn't go to Wal-Mart because blah blah Britta blah blah blah, but every time he went to Target he was always wearing a red shirt and people would come up to him and asks him all these questions he didn't know the answer to. “Where's this?” “Do you carry that?” “What time is it?” It was annoying.) He needed to find food that he liked that Abed wouldn't eat. Which wasn't a lot. Abed would eat anything.
Troy ended up buying a whole cart of bacon and Jimmy Dean sausages. And some no-no juice to share.
-
The next morning he awoke to the smell of... “Bacon!” Troy shot out of bed, hitting his head on Abed's bunk, and ran out into the kitchen. “Bacon?” he asked Abed, but all he could see was a pile of dirty skillets. Abed shook his head. “Bacon?” Troy squeaked feebly. He opened the fridge. “No bacon.” He whirled around. “How could you eat all my bacon?”
“It didn't have your name on it.”
“It was bacon! You're not... You can't eat bacon!”
“It was turkey bacon.”
“That doesn't ma-Wait, they make turkeys out of bacon?”
“They make bacon out of turkeys.”
“How long has this been going on?”
“I don't know. For at least the past thirty years.”
“I feel lied to.” Troy's shoulder slumped. “I'm going back to bed.”
As he walked away, he heard Abed say, “And so it begins...” Never a good sign.
-
When he awoke, there was a big yellow line dividing their bedroom... and the living room... and the kitchen... and the bathroom. “Abed!”
“It's cool, huh?”
“What happened? Was someone murdered?”
“No, I split the apartment in half. This is my side. This is your side. My side, your side. My side, your side. I thought after this morning we could both use some space.”
Oh. That was thoughtful. Although Troy wasn't really mad at Abed anymore. Could he and Abed stay on one side of the apartment and Butterball stay on the other?
-
It was only after two hours of living with the Barnes-Nadir Line (or, as Abed called it, the 304th Parallel) that Troy realized how much he and Abed touched on the usual. And now that he couldn't touch Abed, he wanted to touch Abed all that more. Like, he just wanted to reach out and... Watching TV, his finger hovered three inches away from Abed's temple.
“You can't touch me.”
“I'm not touching you.”
-
The Duct Tape Curtain didn't last long; Jeff tore it down five minutes into their movie night. Apparently, asking people to go through immigration when going from one side to the other was “stupid” and “completely insane.” Offering Jeff dual citizenship didn't change his mind. (Troy and Abed couldn't do anything after Jeff ripped up the border, because they granted the entire study group diplomatic immunity.)
-
“It's freezing in here.” Troy burrowed deeper into his covers. “Is the heater on?”
“I set the thermostat... I must have forgotten to pay the bill.”
“Abed!” Troy whined into his pillow. “Can you pay it over the phone?”
“It's too late now.”
Troy did not start crying.
“I have an idea.” Abed climbed down from his bunk, dragging his comforter and blankets along with him. He crawled into bed next to Troy. “Body heat.”
Troy thought it over for a minute. “If I'm ninety-eight degrees and you're ninety-eight degrees...”
“Together we would make 196 degrees.”
“Science is awesome!” He lifted his covers, letting Abed snuggle in, and they spooned like they usually. Until...
“Troy, do you want to be gay together?”
“Abed?”
“I mean, it would be just like what we do already, but with sex.”
Huh. He hadn't thought of it like that. “Would we have to get one of those flags?”
“I don't think so.”
“Good. You know how I feel about rainbows.”
Author: katiemariie
Pairing/Character: Abed/Troy
Rating: PG
Summary: Abed orchestrates a few roommate tropes.
Spoilers: Up until "Remedial Chaos Theory"
Word Count: ~800
Notes: Written for help_kelly for sarcasticsra.
Troy took a bite of an apple and nearly choked. There was something distinctly not-apple on his apple. He spat it out into his hand.TROY. “Abed, why does this apple have my name?”
“I took the liberty of labeling all of our food to prevent any future conflict.”
“Oh.” He put down the apple. He didn't know if he could eat something with a name, especially his name. “Does everything have to be labelled?”
“Everything we don't want to share. Anything that doesn't have a label is considered fair game.”
“Cool.” Troy backed away from the counter, eyeing the apple nervously. Did apples feel pain? “I'm gonna go get breakfast at McDonald's.”
“Cool. Cool, cool, cool.”
-
Later, after his Big Mac (turned out McDonald's stopped serving breakfast at eleven-who was even up that early?), Troy hit the Wal-Mart. (He knew he shouldn't go to Wal-Mart because blah blah Britta blah blah blah, but every time he went to Target he was always wearing a red shirt and people would come up to him and asks him all these questions he didn't know the answer to. “Where's this?” “Do you carry that?” “What time is it?” It was annoying.) He needed to find food that he liked that Abed wouldn't eat. Which wasn't a lot. Abed would eat anything.
Troy ended up buying a whole cart of bacon and Jimmy Dean sausages. And some no-no juice to share.
-
The next morning he awoke to the smell of... “Bacon!” Troy shot out of bed, hitting his head on Abed's bunk, and ran out into the kitchen. “Bacon?” he asked Abed, but all he could see was a pile of dirty skillets. Abed shook his head. “Bacon?” Troy squeaked feebly. He opened the fridge. “No bacon.” He whirled around. “How could you eat all my bacon?”
“It didn't have your name on it.”
“It was bacon! You're not... You can't eat bacon!”
“It was turkey bacon.”
“That doesn't ma-Wait, they make turkeys out of bacon?”
“They make bacon out of turkeys.”
“How long has this been going on?”
“I don't know. For at least the past thirty years.”
“I feel lied to.” Troy's shoulder slumped. “I'm going back to bed.”
As he walked away, he heard Abed say, “And so it begins...” Never a good sign.
-
When he awoke, there was a big yellow line dividing their bedroom... and the living room... and the kitchen... and the bathroom. “Abed!”
“It's cool, huh?”
“What happened? Was someone murdered?”
“No, I split the apartment in half. This is my side. This is your side. My side, your side. My side, your side. I thought after this morning we could both use some space.”
Oh. That was thoughtful. Although Troy wasn't really mad at Abed anymore. Could he and Abed stay on one side of the apartment and Butterball stay on the other?
-
It was only after two hours of living with the Barnes-Nadir Line (or, as Abed called it, the 304th Parallel) that Troy realized how much he and Abed touched on the usual. And now that he couldn't touch Abed, he wanted to touch Abed all that more. Like, he just wanted to reach out and... Watching TV, his finger hovered three inches away from Abed's temple.
“You can't touch me.”
“I'm not touching you.”
-
The Duct Tape Curtain didn't last long; Jeff tore it down five minutes into their movie night. Apparently, asking people to go through immigration when going from one side to the other was “stupid” and “completely insane.” Offering Jeff dual citizenship didn't change his mind. (Troy and Abed couldn't do anything after Jeff ripped up the border, because they granted the entire study group diplomatic immunity.)
-
“It's freezing in here.” Troy burrowed deeper into his covers. “Is the heater on?”
“I set the thermostat... I must have forgotten to pay the bill.”
“Abed!” Troy whined into his pillow. “Can you pay it over the phone?”
“It's too late now.”
Troy did not start crying.
“I have an idea.” Abed climbed down from his bunk, dragging his comforter and blankets along with him. He crawled into bed next to Troy. “Body heat.”
Troy thought it over for a minute. “If I'm ninety-eight degrees and you're ninety-eight degrees...”
“Together we would make 196 degrees.”
“Science is awesome!” He lifted his covers, letting Abed snuggle in, and they spooned like they usually. Until...
“Troy, do you want to be gay together?”
“Abed?”
“I mean, it would be just like what we do already, but with sex.”
Huh. He hadn't thought of it like that. “Would we have to get one of those flags?”
“I don't think so.”
“Good. You know how I feel about rainbows.”