Tin Man Fic: In a Self-Inflicted Excile, PG, DG/Cain
Title: In a Self-Inflicted Exile
Author: jennukes
Rating: PG
Characters/Pairing: Cain, DG, Raw, Glitch, Az, Lavender Eyes, Ahamo; DG/Cain
Spoilers: All Three Parts of Tin Man
Warnings: None
Summary: The first empty tin suit arrived two days after she left. Cain wasn't there to see it.
Disclaimer: Bugger it all, I still don't own any of it.
Author's Notes: Thanks to a girl's best betas, squeelated and pixie_on_acid. And thanks to caroly_214 for all the comments and the beta! There is no story without them. The title is a line from Dar William's Mercy of the Fallen, which as I listen to the lyrics has many parallels to the story told in Tin Man.
This is a sequel to Where She Rests Her Head Tonight; the vow DG makes to Cain there obviously needed to be fulfilled.
DG took her time. They had the entire O.Z. to put to rights. She needed to learn how to be a Princess. But a month after she and Az melted the wicked witch, she grabbed Az and Glitch and asked them a question she needed answered. It would tell her if she could accomplish her goal on her own, or if she'd have to wait and work through others.
"Az, I know this is going to hurt you, but I need to know. Did the witch keep records of who she had placed into Tin Suits? And do you know where they are?" She'd asked Glitch to be with them just so Az would have some support, as the two were growing close. Plus, she was sure he would be able to help her find the records. "I wouldn't ask if it wasn't important, Az. Please."
Az stared at her sister. DG had always been careful not to ask her about her time with the witch; she'd always let Az bring it up. She could read the need in her sister's eyes and had to wonder what she wanted with this information. She was sure it had to do with a certain Tin Man, but she didn't understand what it could mean. Az took a breath and closed her eyes. She wouldn't let her sister down. DG asked so little of her, she knew she had to give her the answer. "Yes. They were kept…" Az went on to explain where the records were located. The witch liked to keep detailed records of her various tortures.
"Thank you, Az. Thank you!" DG hugged her sister and ran out. She had lessons to get to.
DG was a model student, learning all about the O.Z. She steered Tutor to spend a lot of time on geography until she knew the whole kingdom. It took her two weeks, but she worked steadily, plotting all the locations from the records on a map she would need one day soon. She told Cain it was homework for her studies. Then, she made a second copy.
*****
Two months after the witch was gone, she asked Cain to teach her to shoot a revolver.
"I don't think so, Princess," was his answer.
It took her another two days to wear him down. She had valid arguments… he wouldn't always be at her side; he did have a tendency to get shot protecting her; and she didn't want to be vulnerable like she had been at the bar down in the Realm of the Unwanted. But it was her words huffed in anger that finally persuaded him she was serious. "Fine! If you won't, I'll find someone who will. Jeb will! Or I'll teach myself!"
Cain looked up to the sky and closed his eyes. "Fine. I'll teach you."
He was actually surprised when, during their first lesson, he realized she had pretty good aim.
DG just rolled her eyes. "Cain, I grew up on a farm. And I never said I'd never shot before. I asked you to teach me to shoot revolver. I've been shooting a rifle for years."
She heard his muttered, "Princesses!" and couldn't stop her laugh.
Around the same time she coerced Cain into teaching her to shoot revolvers, she cornered Glitch. Most called him Ambrose, given that he had his brain back, but DG still called him Glitch, because that was how she'd known him, and he didn't seem to mind. "Teach me to fight, Glitch. Please. I don't want to be vulnerable like at the bar. I need to be able to help Cain." And with Glitch, it was that easy. DG knew she wasn't going to learn everything in the short time she had, but she trusted Glitch to teach her things that she would be able to remember and use.
*****
Three months in and she decided it was time to add one more thing to her already over-filled plate. And for the first time, she had to stretch the truth.
She was practicing a move Glitch had taught her, under his watchful eye, when she casually commented, "Mother tells me you were good at throwing knives, too."
"DG, I don't think you need to learn how to throw knives."
"I need to carry a weapon, Glitch. And I don't think Cain is going to give me his revolver." It was the truth. Cain would never give her his. She was pretty certain he'd never let her carry any revolver, either. She looked at Glitch with wide eyes, pleading.
He sighed, knowing it was useless to resist. She'd just try it herself. "Fine."
*****
Four months in and even Cain was impressed with her aim. Glitch was happy with her progress in fighting and scared at her accuracy with knives.
DG was just happy her plan was actually going well, even if she was exhausted. Between dancing lessons, magic lessons, history lessons, princess lessons, shooting lessons, fighting lessons, and knife-throwing lessons, DG barely slept. She thought about leaving then, but knew it was too soon. She wasn't ready just yet. She had her clothes made by the seamstress. Pants and shirts, and good, sturdy boots from a cobbler. She knew how to ride a horse now. She had old, scarred saddle bags for her travels. Soon.
*****
Five months after the witch melted, DG was antsy and perversely annoyed no one had put anything together. It was almost time to leave.
*****
Six months to the day and she smiled at the fact there was a new moon. She packed her things and sat at her desk to write her notes. She wrote one to her family - her mother and father and Az. That one was actually easy. It was the one she wrote to Cain that took her longer and caused tears to fall.
Long before dawn, she slipped out of the palace and raced on horseback across the fields to the shelter of the forest. This was one quest she had to do alone. She was glad it was Cain's night off; she was pretty certain that had he been on duty, she'd have never made it out of the palace.
She knew who would find her notes. That's why her family's note was inside Cain's.
When Cain burst into her room just before dawn because he just knew something was wrong, the light from the hall lit her bed and showed it was empty. The cream paper stood out in sharp contrast to the deep blue of the bedspread. Cain felt his heart stop at the envelope with his name on it.
Dear Cain-
I'll admit that I am surprised no one put everything together. Maybe I did a good job of keeping everyone and what they were doing for me separate. Maybe I just think too much of my importance.
I don't know what I should say. I didn't think it would be this difficult to write this. The one to my family took five minutes. Please give it to Mother? Thanks.
I know you are freaking out right now. I'm sorry. I wish I could do this without hurting you. I don't want to hurt you. You've suffered more than enough for too many lifetimes. I know you don't understand and I wish I could make you understand. I need to do this. You wouldn’t let me explain why and wouldn't hear anything about it, no matter how much I tried to tell you. I wish you had let me explain. I wish you could understand.
I don't want you to worry, but I know you will. I know how to shoot; I stole a revolver and a ton of bullets. I know how to fight, some. And I know that I scared Glitch with my accuracy in throwing knives. I can take care of myself now, Cain. I've watched the best (you, if you had any doubts) and have learned from you.
I'd tell you not to try and find me, but I know you will ride out within an hour or so of reading this. I'd like to say you'll never find me, but I am sure you will at some point. I just hope the next time I see you, you won't be bitterly angry with me for leaving like this. And if by some chance I come home first, I hope you are there and that I don't see disappointment in your eyes.
I made a vow to you, Wyatt Cain, one I know you thought I had forgotten by now. After all, it's been six months today. But I never forgot. I had to prepare, to get ready to accomplish it before I could start. I am not a complete idiot, no matter what you are saying right now. I wish you had let me tell you everything. I wish I had the courage to make you listen to everything, but you are so hard-headed at times and stubborn.
Tell Glitch I am sorry I tricked him into teaching me all he did. He did it because I told him I needed to help you if anything ever happened; that I didn't want to feel as helpless as I did that night in the bar in the Realm of the Unwanted. Which is true, but not the real reason I asked him to teach me to fight and then to throw knives. I needed to learn to be prepared for this quest of mine. One I need to do alone.
If this were the movies, I'd have saved my sister and everything would have been perfect from then on. You'd have kissed me and told me you loved me and everyone would live happily ever after. But this isn't a fairytale and life is never like the movies. Peace has a cost.
I'm sorry. I really am. And one day, I hope you forgive me and can let yourself understand.
But, know this. I will return. That is my vow to you.
Love,
DG
*****
The first empty Tin Suit arrived two days after she left. Cain wasn't there to see it.
It was then that her mother, father, Az, Glitch, and Raw understood everything. It was then that her note to her family made sense.
Mom, Dad, and Az-
Don't worry too much. I need to do this and I know you all would have stopped me.
He gets this look when he remembers that is like a knife to my heart. It scares me more than the witch ever did. It breaks my heart and I made him a vow six months ago that I would destroy every single one. I love him.
Please don't hate me, but I have to do this, alone. I love you all so much. I hope you understand. I will come home, just as soon as I am done.
Love, DG
*****
There were, according to the records, forty-two Tin Suits, spread out all over the realm. In three weeks, DG had found the twenty closest to the palace. She was tired and hungry and just a bit desperate. She missed her friends and family. She missed Cain. She worried that he'd strangle her when she met up with him.
DG sat cross-legged in front of the small fire, tired and bruised and sore. She'd evaded some men who had tried to hurt her. She'd killed one and injured the rest. She wanted Cain. She wanted to talk to him to make the attack and her actions stop repeating in her head. It had been her one and only encounter with a group bent on harm. She'd expected it, but that didn't mean she was ready for it. She longed for Cain's arms around her.
"Tell me why I shouldn't strangle you with my bare hands for this ridiculous, stupid stunt!" The voice was angry and hurt and relieved and a touch scared, but loud. The hand that gripped her should was hard.
She grimaced at the pain, but bit her lip to stop the gasp. Her gun was in her other hand and as she turned to look at him, she lowered the revolver. She'd know his voice and touch anywhere.
Her head tilted and she craned her neck to meet his eyes; he released her shoulder as he read the pain and fear in them. He sat down next to her and saw the revolver still in her hand, pointed away from him, but ready. And it was then that he cursed and knew he was too late in finding her.
"Tell me." It was a demand, but there was softness in his voice now.
"There were four little Indians and now there are three," she giggled, but it was a hysterical giggle and not a happy one.
Cain didn't get the reference, but he was pretty sure he knew what it meant. "Tell me what happened, DG." This time it was more a plea than a demand.
"Maybe my little quest is bringing them out, but there were four. Longcoats once upon a time, I suppose. They didn't expect me to fight back. I shot one, no, two. The last one was coming at me and I just let the knife go. I picked up my revolver, threw their weapons away and left." She looked over at him, her haunted eyes met his. "I'm so tired, Cain. Can we have this lecture and argument tomorrow?"
Cain moved to lean against a nearby tree trunk. "Get over here, Princess." She settled in his arms and he held her close. "Just rest." DG fell asleep to the steady beat of his heart.
Cain didn't sleep; his eyes stayed on the steady flicker of the fire. He'd been so angry at first; then the fear had seized him. And now he knew he had failed her. He should have found her sooner, kept her safe and protected. At least she was alive… but more broken than he had ever thought she'd be.
The sun woke them and DG sat up, sighing. "I suppose it's time for the lecture now." He didn't respond to her words and it was only then that she looked over at him, worried. She met his gaze and it scared her; he was too quiet and there was something in his eyes she didn't recognize. "Cain?" She knelt before him, wide eyes worried and telegraphing her fear.
"I'm sorry."
His words shocked her. He had no reason to be sorry. She was the one who ran. She was the one who scared the hell out of him. "Cain, you are starting to freak me out!" There was desperation and panic in her voice.
"I failed Adora. I failed Jeb. And now I've failed you."
DG sat back on her rear, startled at his words. "You didn't fail me, Cain. You were here when I needed you, just like you always are. I don't know what I am going to do when you finally leave me. Who's going to keep me in check? Going to make sure I act more the princess than the weirdo from the Other Side?"
"I wasn't there yesterday, was I?" Cain's voice was full of self-derision.
"I didn't need you there yesterday. I could take care of myself. I needed you here last night and you were."
"I'm supposed to be there so no one hurts you. It's my duty."
DG rolled her eyes. "If that's the case, where were you when I was in fourth grade and Bobby Denton pulled my pig-tails and pushed me down? Where were you when I was sixteen and that same jerk broke my heart by asking someone else to junior prom? Oh, that’s right, you were in the Tin Suit I PUT YOU IN!"
Cain looked at her, startled. "You didn't put me in that suit. The witch did." He'd never realized she felt responsible for what the witch had done to him. He’d never thought she was responsible.
"But I let the witch out so she could do it. It's my fault that you lost your family. That you spent years, annuals, whatever, in that tin prison!" There were tears streaming down her face. "Everything is my fault! All of it!"
"NO, it's not!" Cain was standing now, strong hands gripping her arms. He wanted to shake some sense into her, but he stopped himself. "You were a child. And the witch tricked you."
The strength seemed to leave her then along with her anger. "You really don't blame me at all, do you?"
"Never. Not for a second."
She gave him a small smile. "I suppose now you want to give me that lecture?"
"I'm pretty sure you've told it to yourself a thousand times already."
"Let's see if it matches what you want to say." Some of her impishness found its way back into her voice.
"You scared the hell out of me, Princess. And I swear to I don't even know what, if you ever do that again, run off like this, I will hunt you down just to murder you."
"I don’t think the populace will take kindly to you killing a princess." There was her quick grin.
"Somehow, I think I'll have the blessing of the royal family." And his answering half smile.
"Are they really upset?" There was worry in her voice. She hated the fact that she had to hurt so many of the people she loved.
"I honestly don't know. I left as soon as I got supplies together, about an hour and half after I read the note and found your list of locations for the Tin Suits. I wish you had given a start point or something so I could have found you faster." Cain shrugged. "I'd say they are pretty worried."
"I really am sorry. You wouldn't let… I needed to… I've missed you, Cain." She turned away from him, no longer sure of what to say, unable to voice what she really wanted to.
"Missed you, too, Princess. We'd better head out if we want to finish this quest of yours before I die of old age."
"Mr. Cain, you are not that old! We only have twenty-two left. I suppose I should have ridden to the farthest one and moved inward."
"What's with ‘Mister’ all of a sudden? And if you had done that, I'd still be searching for you."
"I always called the old men in rockers ‘Mister.’ It's a sign of respect."
"Or in your case, mocking."
"You are the one calling yourself ancient."
He helped her up on her horse. At her grimace of pain, he asked, "Are you sure you are okay to ride?"
"Nothing a few Advil wouldn't cure. I'd kill for some." Her eyes dropped to her saddle with her words.
"Hey. It will get easier. And he was going to kill you. He's lucky you spared him me finding him, kiddo."
"Sometimes, if I didn’t like you, you'd scare the crap out of me."
"That will be the day."
"Come on, we have a day's ride to the next one. We can send a message back with this suit, letting them know you found me."
He waited until they were riding before he asked, "Send a message back with the suit?"
"You really haven't talked to anyone in the palace, have you?" She was surprised, but not.
"No, I had a missing princess to hunt down."
She ignored the humor in his voice. "I can't exactly destroy them out here so I have the Tin Suits sent to the palace. There Glitch can melt the metal down and use it for something or other. The evil things can be used for good."
He's surprised at her answer. She really had thought out this whole quest. He wondered when she grew up into the woman he saw now and realized it was under his own watchful eyes. There was hardness in her now, since the witch, but her heart hadn't changed. She was the same, but better. And knowing he never deserved the woman he first knew, he deserved this one even less. The one in front of him now would be a wonderful Queen one day, whether or not she would admit it. She was still charging into to situations, but this time she had better weapons than a simple stick.
*****
They had two left and it had been four weeks since he found her.
"Tell me why."
His words startled her. She gave up a long time ago hoping he'd at least try to understand or let her try to explain to him why she needed to destroy the tin suits.
"It's not all about you, you know. Part of it, at least a small part, is me. It's me erasing something of the witch. Not me and Az or me and you, Raw and Glitch. Me, just me. It eases the guilt everyone says I shouldn't feel." Her words were whispered; her eyes locked on the fire she had started. "But mostly, it's you. You still don't believe me that that look in your eyes scares me more than the witch did. It's never entered your mind that I think I don't deserve you. But, then you don't see yourself as I do. Sometimes I want to strangle you. You have this strict code of duty and honor and you never waver from it. I love you for it, but sometimes I hate you for it, too. I'm not like that, because I know I'd try every trick I could think of to make you see me as more than a kid to be protected if I thought for a second you'd let me. I'm nowhere near as honorable as you, Cain, and I never will be. But sometimes you make me want to try. This quest, as we’ve dubbed it, was one way for me to try. I knew from the beginning that it wouldn't work, but I had to give it a shot. Sometimes I miss who I was before the night of the witch, but I love who you've made me, Cain. And I will do what I can to slay your dragons that have become mine." She sighed then. "Sometimes I feel like I have aged a hundred years in the last almost eight months."
Cain had no idea what to say to her words. He opened his mouth to say something and then closed it, unable to think of anything. She thought he was honorable? And that she wasn't? She wanted to honor him by trying to be better than she thought she was?
He almost asked where his DG was, but even he knew this wasn't the time for humor.
"There is nothing you have to say, Cain. I'm tired and am hitting the hay." Her eyes met his, held for a moment and he saw how serious she was. She honestly believed everything she had just said. But he saw something else in the firelight reflected in her eyes, something he wasn't in the mood to figure out.
*****
They had sent the last one on its way to the palace the night before. They were just passing through the small village for food and water on their own way back.
The woman sidled up to him and he knew she was a prostitute. He just gave her his usual stony look and ignored her. It was DG who shocked him.
"Don't touch him again." There was steel in her voice and an anger he rarely heard.
"Oh? And who are you? His daughter?" The woman didn't heed the danger in the younger one's voice.
Cain wondered how many they'd fight this time.
"No. But I am the woman in love with him." She was tired of playing the nice little girl in everyone's eyes. She was young, but she wasn't a child. So what if just once she let the jealousy she usually choked down flare up? DG let the hood of her cape fall back.
"Princess!" It was someone else who yelled it. And DG had to smile at the shock in the woman's eyes. For once she didn't stop someone from bowing to her. She froze when she heard Cain's muttered, "Great!"
"I warned you I wasn't as honorable as you," she hissed at him and turned to the one who had identified her.
She flashed the man her best fake smile. "Sir, you do me a great honor, recognizing me. But my guard and I must be heading back to the palace. We have finished our business out here in the border lands and are eager to return to see my family. I promise that next time we pass through, we shall be able to spend longer, but for now, we must hurry back. I trust you understand?"
"Of course. Safe travels, Princess!"
Cain breathed a sigh of relief only when they were miles away. Then he reached over and reigned in her horse. "What got into you back there?"
"Sometimes I get tired of everyone thinking I am nice and perfect. Sometimes I get cranky. I'm female. I get bitchy. Deal. And maybe just once I'd like to pass through a place without having to watch every woman around ogle you. Princesses aren't supposed to be jealous? Who made up that stupid rule?"
Cain chuckled. She had a point; it was a stupid notion.
DG sighed. "I wish we could just beam ourselves home."
"I don't understand."
"It's this... forget it. I couldn't explain Star Trek even if I understood it! It means we'd be home in an instant, not in two weeks."
*****
It took them longer than two weeks because of the weather. But she jumped off her horse and ran to her family and grabbed them in a giant hug and then she had Glitch and Raw in a separate one. It really was good to be home.
*****
Three months later, Cain was worried. She had turned herself into what everyone else wanted her to be instead of the woman he admired. Raw had taken to shooting Cain looks of worry. Even Glitch had noticed something wrong with their DG. When Az came to him, he knew it was time to talk to her. They hadn't really talked or spent time alone since they returned and he missed her.
He went looking for her, but it was Raw that stopped him, more worried than Cain had ever seen him. "DG hurting. Crying. Needs Cain."
"Where is she, Raw?"
"Trapped in own suit of tin."
That scared Cain more than anything he could remember.
He found her in a shed, huddled at the foot of the last tin suit, crying.
"Hey, Princess." He knelt next to her and placed his hand on her shoulder. She turned to face him, eyes rimmed red from tears. They started anew when she saw the haunted look in his eyes.
"You shouldn't be here. I'm fine."
"Yeah. The puffy eyes tell me that." He looked at her and sighed. "Why are you here, DG, crying your beautiful eyes out?" And he started as he realized what he said. He knew she wouldn't miss it. But she said nothing, just stared into his ice blue eyes, reading what he wasn't sure.
"I didn't want to feel anymore." Her voice was so soft, he almost missed her words.
"Oh, DG. This isn't the answer. Everyone is scared for you. Even Az came to me, wanting me to talk to you because you've become this person none of us knows and we can't lose you."
"I've tried being what you all want me to be - this perfect little Princess with a mask, hiding all feeling. I've tried being the perfect Royal who sees the plight of her subjects, but shows no emotion at it. I tried locking everything I feel away, so I could be who everyone expects me to be. I wanted a tin heart so I could please everyone, but I can't be this person anymore. I can't even look in the mirror anymore; I don't recognize my own reflection. I don't want to be someone who can see suffering and show no emotion at it. It's just not me, not who I am!" He can hear the despair in her voice, but her next words shock him. "But it works for you."
His hand cupped her cheek, thumb wiping her tears away. "No, it doesn't." His voice was unsteady and he was aware he had finally surrendered.
"It doesn't?" It worried her how unsteady his voice was.
"Nope."
"What does that mean, Cain?" She was too drained to try to follow him.
His face was all she could see. His lips were a hair's breadth away from hers. "It means, Princess, that I'm too far gone to fight everything I feel anymore." And then his lips were on hers and her arms were around his neck and he was pulling her ever closer to him.
When they had to breathe, he pulled back slightly and smiled at her unfocused eyes and well-kissed lips. "You are beautiful."
"I'm a disaster."
He chuckled and shook his head. "Not once have I ever seen you look like a disaster. You're always beautiful."
"Who are you and where is my Tin Man?" She demanded, worried for a second this was nothing but a dream.
He laughed and brought his lips down on hers for another kiss.
It was her turn to whisper when they needed oxygen. "I love you, Wyatt."
He sucked in a breath because she'd never called him that before and he could get used to it. "And I love you, Princess DG."
Her smile was brighter than he had ever seen and it made him want to say it again, just to keep the smile.
She pulled him down for a third kiss and then when they separated, she informed him, "Just so we are clear, Wyatt Cain, you are going to marry me."
"Was there ever really doubt?"
She laughed and shook her head.
"Can we get out of here now? That suit still creeps me out."
"Jesus, Cain! Why didn't you say something earlier?" DG jumped up and grabbed his wrist and practically dragged him out of the shed the last suit was in… right into a crowd of people - her family, Raw and Glitch.
"Raw happy DG happy. Cain happy." DG hugged her friend, grinning.
"He's going to marry me!" DG announced happily.
"About time!" Az called out, and hugged her sister.
"If I don’t shoot myself first!" Cain grumbled, but then DG was in his arms and he couldn't help the smile that planted itself on his face.
"I'd probably shoot you first, anyway." She laughed and kissed him.
Author: jennukes
Rating: PG
Characters/Pairing: Cain, DG, Raw, Glitch, Az, Lavender Eyes, Ahamo; DG/Cain
Spoilers: All Three Parts of Tin Man
Warnings: None
Summary: The first empty tin suit arrived two days after she left. Cain wasn't there to see it.
Disclaimer: Bugger it all, I still don't own any of it.
Author's Notes: Thanks to a girl's best betas, squeelated and pixie_on_acid. And thanks to caroly_214 for all the comments and the beta! There is no story without them. The title is a line from Dar William's Mercy of the Fallen, which as I listen to the lyrics has many parallels to the story told in Tin Man.
This is a sequel to Where She Rests Her Head Tonight; the vow DG makes to Cain there obviously needed to be fulfilled.
DG took her time. They had the entire O.Z. to put to rights. She needed to learn how to be a Princess. But a month after she and Az melted the wicked witch, she grabbed Az and Glitch and asked them a question she needed answered. It would tell her if she could accomplish her goal on her own, or if she'd have to wait and work through others.
"Az, I know this is going to hurt you, but I need to know. Did the witch keep records of who she had placed into Tin Suits? And do you know where they are?" She'd asked Glitch to be with them just so Az would have some support, as the two were growing close. Plus, she was sure he would be able to help her find the records. "I wouldn't ask if it wasn't important, Az. Please."
Az stared at her sister. DG had always been careful not to ask her about her time with the witch; she'd always let Az bring it up. She could read the need in her sister's eyes and had to wonder what she wanted with this information. She was sure it had to do with a certain Tin Man, but she didn't understand what it could mean. Az took a breath and closed her eyes. She wouldn't let her sister down. DG asked so little of her, she knew she had to give her the answer. "Yes. They were kept…" Az went on to explain where the records were located. The witch liked to keep detailed records of her various tortures.
"Thank you, Az. Thank you!" DG hugged her sister and ran out. She had lessons to get to.
DG was a model student, learning all about the O.Z. She steered Tutor to spend a lot of time on geography until she knew the whole kingdom. It took her two weeks, but she worked steadily, plotting all the locations from the records on a map she would need one day soon. She told Cain it was homework for her studies. Then, she made a second copy.
*****
Two months after the witch was gone, she asked Cain to teach her to shoot a revolver.
"I don't think so, Princess," was his answer.
It took her another two days to wear him down. She had valid arguments… he wouldn't always be at her side; he did have a tendency to get shot protecting her; and she didn't want to be vulnerable like she had been at the bar down in the Realm of the Unwanted. But it was her words huffed in anger that finally persuaded him she was serious. "Fine! If you won't, I'll find someone who will. Jeb will! Or I'll teach myself!"
Cain looked up to the sky and closed his eyes. "Fine. I'll teach you."
He was actually surprised when, during their first lesson, he realized she had pretty good aim.
DG just rolled her eyes. "Cain, I grew up on a farm. And I never said I'd never shot before. I asked you to teach me to shoot revolver. I've been shooting a rifle for years."
She heard his muttered, "Princesses!" and couldn't stop her laugh.
Around the same time she coerced Cain into teaching her to shoot revolvers, she cornered Glitch. Most called him Ambrose, given that he had his brain back, but DG still called him Glitch, because that was how she'd known him, and he didn't seem to mind. "Teach me to fight, Glitch. Please. I don't want to be vulnerable like at the bar. I need to be able to help Cain." And with Glitch, it was that easy. DG knew she wasn't going to learn everything in the short time she had, but she trusted Glitch to teach her things that she would be able to remember and use.
*****
Three months in and she decided it was time to add one more thing to her already over-filled plate. And for the first time, she had to stretch the truth.
She was practicing a move Glitch had taught her, under his watchful eye, when she casually commented, "Mother tells me you were good at throwing knives, too."
"DG, I don't think you need to learn how to throw knives."
"I need to carry a weapon, Glitch. And I don't think Cain is going to give me his revolver." It was the truth. Cain would never give her his. She was pretty certain he'd never let her carry any revolver, either. She looked at Glitch with wide eyes, pleading.
He sighed, knowing it was useless to resist. She'd just try it herself. "Fine."
*****
Four months in and even Cain was impressed with her aim. Glitch was happy with her progress in fighting and scared at her accuracy with knives.
DG was just happy her plan was actually going well, even if she was exhausted. Between dancing lessons, magic lessons, history lessons, princess lessons, shooting lessons, fighting lessons, and knife-throwing lessons, DG barely slept. She thought about leaving then, but knew it was too soon. She wasn't ready just yet. She had her clothes made by the seamstress. Pants and shirts, and good, sturdy boots from a cobbler. She knew how to ride a horse now. She had old, scarred saddle bags for her travels. Soon.
*****
Five months after the witch melted, DG was antsy and perversely annoyed no one had put anything together. It was almost time to leave.
*****
Six months to the day and she smiled at the fact there was a new moon. She packed her things and sat at her desk to write her notes. She wrote one to her family - her mother and father and Az. That one was actually easy. It was the one she wrote to Cain that took her longer and caused tears to fall.
Long before dawn, she slipped out of the palace and raced on horseback across the fields to the shelter of the forest. This was one quest she had to do alone. She was glad it was Cain's night off; she was pretty certain that had he been on duty, she'd have never made it out of the palace.
She knew who would find her notes. That's why her family's note was inside Cain's.
When Cain burst into her room just before dawn because he just knew something was wrong, the light from the hall lit her bed and showed it was empty. The cream paper stood out in sharp contrast to the deep blue of the bedspread. Cain felt his heart stop at the envelope with his name on it.
Dear Cain-
I'll admit that I am surprised no one put everything together. Maybe I did a good job of keeping everyone and what they were doing for me separate. Maybe I just think too much of my importance.
I don't know what I should say. I didn't think it would be this difficult to write this. The one to my family took five minutes. Please give it to Mother? Thanks.
I know you are freaking out right now. I'm sorry. I wish I could do this without hurting you. I don't want to hurt you. You've suffered more than enough for too many lifetimes. I know you don't understand and I wish I could make you understand. I need to do this. You wouldn’t let me explain why and wouldn't hear anything about it, no matter how much I tried to tell you. I wish you had let me explain. I wish you could understand.
I don't want you to worry, but I know you will. I know how to shoot; I stole a revolver and a ton of bullets. I know how to fight, some. And I know that I scared Glitch with my accuracy in throwing knives. I can take care of myself now, Cain. I've watched the best (you, if you had any doubts) and have learned from you.
I'd tell you not to try and find me, but I know you will ride out within an hour or so of reading this. I'd like to say you'll never find me, but I am sure you will at some point. I just hope the next time I see you, you won't be bitterly angry with me for leaving like this. And if by some chance I come home first, I hope you are there and that I don't see disappointment in your eyes.
I made a vow to you, Wyatt Cain, one I know you thought I had forgotten by now. After all, it's been six months today. But I never forgot. I had to prepare, to get ready to accomplish it before I could start. I am not a complete idiot, no matter what you are saying right now. I wish you had let me tell you everything. I wish I had the courage to make you listen to everything, but you are so hard-headed at times and stubborn.
Tell Glitch I am sorry I tricked him into teaching me all he did. He did it because I told him I needed to help you if anything ever happened; that I didn't want to feel as helpless as I did that night in the bar in the Realm of the Unwanted. Which is true, but not the real reason I asked him to teach me to fight and then to throw knives. I needed to learn to be prepared for this quest of mine. One I need to do alone.
If this were the movies, I'd have saved my sister and everything would have been perfect from then on. You'd have kissed me and told me you loved me and everyone would live happily ever after. But this isn't a fairytale and life is never like the movies. Peace has a cost.
I'm sorry. I really am. And one day, I hope you forgive me and can let yourself understand.
But, know this. I will return. That is my vow to you.
Love,
DG
*****
The first empty Tin Suit arrived two days after she left. Cain wasn't there to see it.
It was then that her mother, father, Az, Glitch, and Raw understood everything. It was then that her note to her family made sense.
Mom, Dad, and Az-
Don't worry too much. I need to do this and I know you all would have stopped me.
He gets this look when he remembers that is like a knife to my heart. It scares me more than the witch ever did. It breaks my heart and I made him a vow six months ago that I would destroy every single one. I love him.
Please don't hate me, but I have to do this, alone. I love you all so much. I hope you understand. I will come home, just as soon as I am done.
Love, DG
*****
There were, according to the records, forty-two Tin Suits, spread out all over the realm. In three weeks, DG had found the twenty closest to the palace. She was tired and hungry and just a bit desperate. She missed her friends and family. She missed Cain. She worried that he'd strangle her when she met up with him.
DG sat cross-legged in front of the small fire, tired and bruised and sore. She'd evaded some men who had tried to hurt her. She'd killed one and injured the rest. She wanted Cain. She wanted to talk to him to make the attack and her actions stop repeating in her head. It had been her one and only encounter with a group bent on harm. She'd expected it, but that didn't mean she was ready for it. She longed for Cain's arms around her.
"Tell me why I shouldn't strangle you with my bare hands for this ridiculous, stupid stunt!" The voice was angry and hurt and relieved and a touch scared, but loud. The hand that gripped her should was hard.
She grimaced at the pain, but bit her lip to stop the gasp. Her gun was in her other hand and as she turned to look at him, she lowered the revolver. She'd know his voice and touch anywhere.
Her head tilted and she craned her neck to meet his eyes; he released her shoulder as he read the pain and fear in them. He sat down next to her and saw the revolver still in her hand, pointed away from him, but ready. And it was then that he cursed and knew he was too late in finding her.
"Tell me." It was a demand, but there was softness in his voice now.
"There were four little Indians and now there are three," she giggled, but it was a hysterical giggle and not a happy one.
Cain didn't get the reference, but he was pretty sure he knew what it meant. "Tell me what happened, DG." This time it was more a plea than a demand.
"Maybe my little quest is bringing them out, but there were four. Longcoats once upon a time, I suppose. They didn't expect me to fight back. I shot one, no, two. The last one was coming at me and I just let the knife go. I picked up my revolver, threw their weapons away and left." She looked over at him, her haunted eyes met his. "I'm so tired, Cain. Can we have this lecture and argument tomorrow?"
Cain moved to lean against a nearby tree trunk. "Get over here, Princess." She settled in his arms and he held her close. "Just rest." DG fell asleep to the steady beat of his heart.
Cain didn't sleep; his eyes stayed on the steady flicker of the fire. He'd been so angry at first; then the fear had seized him. And now he knew he had failed her. He should have found her sooner, kept her safe and protected. At least she was alive… but more broken than he had ever thought she'd be.
The sun woke them and DG sat up, sighing. "I suppose it's time for the lecture now." He didn't respond to her words and it was only then that she looked over at him, worried. She met his gaze and it scared her; he was too quiet and there was something in his eyes she didn't recognize. "Cain?" She knelt before him, wide eyes worried and telegraphing her fear.
"I'm sorry."
His words shocked her. He had no reason to be sorry. She was the one who ran. She was the one who scared the hell out of him. "Cain, you are starting to freak me out!" There was desperation and panic in her voice.
"I failed Adora. I failed Jeb. And now I've failed you."
DG sat back on her rear, startled at his words. "You didn't fail me, Cain. You were here when I needed you, just like you always are. I don't know what I am going to do when you finally leave me. Who's going to keep me in check? Going to make sure I act more the princess than the weirdo from the Other Side?"
"I wasn't there yesterday, was I?" Cain's voice was full of self-derision.
"I didn't need you there yesterday. I could take care of myself. I needed you here last night and you were."
"I'm supposed to be there so no one hurts you. It's my duty."
DG rolled her eyes. "If that's the case, where were you when I was in fourth grade and Bobby Denton pulled my pig-tails and pushed me down? Where were you when I was sixteen and that same jerk broke my heart by asking someone else to junior prom? Oh, that’s right, you were in the Tin Suit I PUT YOU IN!"
Cain looked at her, startled. "You didn't put me in that suit. The witch did." He'd never realized she felt responsible for what the witch had done to him. He’d never thought she was responsible.
"But I let the witch out so she could do it. It's my fault that you lost your family. That you spent years, annuals, whatever, in that tin prison!" There were tears streaming down her face. "Everything is my fault! All of it!"
"NO, it's not!" Cain was standing now, strong hands gripping her arms. He wanted to shake some sense into her, but he stopped himself. "You were a child. And the witch tricked you."
The strength seemed to leave her then along with her anger. "You really don't blame me at all, do you?"
"Never. Not for a second."
She gave him a small smile. "I suppose now you want to give me that lecture?"
"I'm pretty sure you've told it to yourself a thousand times already."
"Let's see if it matches what you want to say." Some of her impishness found its way back into her voice.
"You scared the hell out of me, Princess. And I swear to I don't even know what, if you ever do that again, run off like this, I will hunt you down just to murder you."
"I don’t think the populace will take kindly to you killing a princess." There was her quick grin.
"Somehow, I think I'll have the blessing of the royal family." And his answering half smile.
"Are they really upset?" There was worry in her voice. She hated the fact that she had to hurt so many of the people she loved.
"I honestly don't know. I left as soon as I got supplies together, about an hour and half after I read the note and found your list of locations for the Tin Suits. I wish you had given a start point or something so I could have found you faster." Cain shrugged. "I'd say they are pretty worried."
"I really am sorry. You wouldn't let… I needed to… I've missed you, Cain." She turned away from him, no longer sure of what to say, unable to voice what she really wanted to.
"Missed you, too, Princess. We'd better head out if we want to finish this quest of yours before I die of old age."
"Mr. Cain, you are not that old! We only have twenty-two left. I suppose I should have ridden to the farthest one and moved inward."
"What's with ‘Mister’ all of a sudden? And if you had done that, I'd still be searching for you."
"I always called the old men in rockers ‘Mister.’ It's a sign of respect."
"Or in your case, mocking."
"You are the one calling yourself ancient."
He helped her up on her horse. At her grimace of pain, he asked, "Are you sure you are okay to ride?"
"Nothing a few Advil wouldn't cure. I'd kill for some." Her eyes dropped to her saddle with her words.
"Hey. It will get easier. And he was going to kill you. He's lucky you spared him me finding him, kiddo."
"Sometimes, if I didn’t like you, you'd scare the crap out of me."
"That will be the day."
"Come on, we have a day's ride to the next one. We can send a message back with this suit, letting them know you found me."
He waited until they were riding before he asked, "Send a message back with the suit?"
"You really haven't talked to anyone in the palace, have you?" She was surprised, but not.
"No, I had a missing princess to hunt down."
She ignored the humor in his voice. "I can't exactly destroy them out here so I have the Tin Suits sent to the palace. There Glitch can melt the metal down and use it for something or other. The evil things can be used for good."
He's surprised at her answer. She really had thought out this whole quest. He wondered when she grew up into the woman he saw now and realized it was under his own watchful eyes. There was hardness in her now, since the witch, but her heart hadn't changed. She was the same, but better. And knowing he never deserved the woman he first knew, he deserved this one even less. The one in front of him now would be a wonderful Queen one day, whether or not she would admit it. She was still charging into to situations, but this time she had better weapons than a simple stick.
*****
They had two left and it had been four weeks since he found her.
"Tell me why."
His words startled her. She gave up a long time ago hoping he'd at least try to understand or let her try to explain to him why she needed to destroy the tin suits.
"It's not all about you, you know. Part of it, at least a small part, is me. It's me erasing something of the witch. Not me and Az or me and you, Raw and Glitch. Me, just me. It eases the guilt everyone says I shouldn't feel." Her words were whispered; her eyes locked on the fire she had started. "But mostly, it's you. You still don't believe me that that look in your eyes scares me more than the witch did. It's never entered your mind that I think I don't deserve you. But, then you don't see yourself as I do. Sometimes I want to strangle you. You have this strict code of duty and honor and you never waver from it. I love you for it, but sometimes I hate you for it, too. I'm not like that, because I know I'd try every trick I could think of to make you see me as more than a kid to be protected if I thought for a second you'd let me. I'm nowhere near as honorable as you, Cain, and I never will be. But sometimes you make me want to try. This quest, as we’ve dubbed it, was one way for me to try. I knew from the beginning that it wouldn't work, but I had to give it a shot. Sometimes I miss who I was before the night of the witch, but I love who you've made me, Cain. And I will do what I can to slay your dragons that have become mine." She sighed then. "Sometimes I feel like I have aged a hundred years in the last almost eight months."
Cain had no idea what to say to her words. He opened his mouth to say something and then closed it, unable to think of anything. She thought he was honorable? And that she wasn't? She wanted to honor him by trying to be better than she thought she was?
He almost asked where his DG was, but even he knew this wasn't the time for humor.
"There is nothing you have to say, Cain. I'm tired and am hitting the hay." Her eyes met his, held for a moment and he saw how serious she was. She honestly believed everything she had just said. But he saw something else in the firelight reflected in her eyes, something he wasn't in the mood to figure out.
*****
They had sent the last one on its way to the palace the night before. They were just passing through the small village for food and water on their own way back.
The woman sidled up to him and he knew she was a prostitute. He just gave her his usual stony look and ignored her. It was DG who shocked him.
"Don't touch him again." There was steel in her voice and an anger he rarely heard.
"Oh? And who are you? His daughter?" The woman didn't heed the danger in the younger one's voice.
Cain wondered how many they'd fight this time.
"No. But I am the woman in love with him." She was tired of playing the nice little girl in everyone's eyes. She was young, but she wasn't a child. So what if just once she let the jealousy she usually choked down flare up? DG let the hood of her cape fall back.
"Princess!" It was someone else who yelled it. And DG had to smile at the shock in the woman's eyes. For once she didn't stop someone from bowing to her. She froze when she heard Cain's muttered, "Great!"
"I warned you I wasn't as honorable as you," she hissed at him and turned to the one who had identified her.
She flashed the man her best fake smile. "Sir, you do me a great honor, recognizing me. But my guard and I must be heading back to the palace. We have finished our business out here in the border lands and are eager to return to see my family. I promise that next time we pass through, we shall be able to spend longer, but for now, we must hurry back. I trust you understand?"
"Of course. Safe travels, Princess!"
Cain breathed a sigh of relief only when they were miles away. Then he reached over and reigned in her horse. "What got into you back there?"
"Sometimes I get tired of everyone thinking I am nice and perfect. Sometimes I get cranky. I'm female. I get bitchy. Deal. And maybe just once I'd like to pass through a place without having to watch every woman around ogle you. Princesses aren't supposed to be jealous? Who made up that stupid rule?"
Cain chuckled. She had a point; it was a stupid notion.
DG sighed. "I wish we could just beam ourselves home."
"I don't understand."
"It's this... forget it. I couldn't explain Star Trek even if I understood it! It means we'd be home in an instant, not in two weeks."
*****
It took them longer than two weeks because of the weather. But she jumped off her horse and ran to her family and grabbed them in a giant hug and then she had Glitch and Raw in a separate one. It really was good to be home.
*****
Three months later, Cain was worried. She had turned herself into what everyone else wanted her to be instead of the woman he admired. Raw had taken to shooting Cain looks of worry. Even Glitch had noticed something wrong with their DG. When Az came to him, he knew it was time to talk to her. They hadn't really talked or spent time alone since they returned and he missed her.
He went looking for her, but it was Raw that stopped him, more worried than Cain had ever seen him. "DG hurting. Crying. Needs Cain."
"Where is she, Raw?"
"Trapped in own suit of tin."
That scared Cain more than anything he could remember.
He found her in a shed, huddled at the foot of the last tin suit, crying.
"Hey, Princess." He knelt next to her and placed his hand on her shoulder. She turned to face him, eyes rimmed red from tears. They started anew when she saw the haunted look in his eyes.
"You shouldn't be here. I'm fine."
"Yeah. The puffy eyes tell me that." He looked at her and sighed. "Why are you here, DG, crying your beautiful eyes out?" And he started as he realized what he said. He knew she wouldn't miss it. But she said nothing, just stared into his ice blue eyes, reading what he wasn't sure.
"I didn't want to feel anymore." Her voice was so soft, he almost missed her words.
"Oh, DG. This isn't the answer. Everyone is scared for you. Even Az came to me, wanting me to talk to you because you've become this person none of us knows and we can't lose you."
"I've tried being what you all want me to be - this perfect little Princess with a mask, hiding all feeling. I've tried being the perfect Royal who sees the plight of her subjects, but shows no emotion at it. I tried locking everything I feel away, so I could be who everyone expects me to be. I wanted a tin heart so I could please everyone, but I can't be this person anymore. I can't even look in the mirror anymore; I don't recognize my own reflection. I don't want to be someone who can see suffering and show no emotion at it. It's just not me, not who I am!" He can hear the despair in her voice, but her next words shock him. "But it works for you."
His hand cupped her cheek, thumb wiping her tears away. "No, it doesn't." His voice was unsteady and he was aware he had finally surrendered.
"It doesn't?" It worried her how unsteady his voice was.
"Nope."
"What does that mean, Cain?" She was too drained to try to follow him.
His face was all she could see. His lips were a hair's breadth away from hers. "It means, Princess, that I'm too far gone to fight everything I feel anymore." And then his lips were on hers and her arms were around his neck and he was pulling her ever closer to him.
When they had to breathe, he pulled back slightly and smiled at her unfocused eyes and well-kissed lips. "You are beautiful."
"I'm a disaster."
He chuckled and shook his head. "Not once have I ever seen you look like a disaster. You're always beautiful."
"Who are you and where is my Tin Man?" She demanded, worried for a second this was nothing but a dream.
He laughed and brought his lips down on hers for another kiss.
It was her turn to whisper when they needed oxygen. "I love you, Wyatt."
He sucked in a breath because she'd never called him that before and he could get used to it. "And I love you, Princess DG."
Her smile was brighter than he had ever seen and it made him want to say it again, just to keep the smile.
She pulled him down for a third kiss and then when they separated, she informed him, "Just so we are clear, Wyatt Cain, you are going to marry me."
"Was there ever really doubt?"
She laughed and shook her head.
"Can we get out of here now? That suit still creeps me out."
"Jesus, Cain! Why didn't you say something earlier?" DG jumped up and grabbed his wrist and practically dragged him out of the shed the last suit was in… right into a crowd of people - her family, Raw and Glitch.
"Raw happy DG happy. Cain happy." DG hugged her friend, grinning.
"He's going to marry me!" DG announced happily.
"About time!" Az called out, and hugged her sister.
"If I don’t shoot myself first!" Cain grumbled, but then DG was in his arms and he couldn't help the smile that planted itself on his face.
"I'd probably shoot you first, anyway." She laughed and kissed him.