Self Confidence
August 20, 2007 - Monday
Self Confidence
Current mood:
confused
Self-confidence is faith in one's own abilities.
I lack this in a lot of aspects in my life, but I have no reason NOT to have self confidence. Given my education and life experiences I should be confident when faced with anything, or at least someone would assume so. Sadly, I lack self confidence in so many aspects of my life. I admit, I have gotten better about it, but I'm still a major work in progress.
I think my frustration and grumpiness at work stems from my lack of confidence in my abilities as a tech. I realize that everyone is their own worst critic and that we are all human and will make mistakes, BUT I expect to be a fantastic tech regardless of the challenge placed in front of me. I'm so set on proving myself as a good tech, and gaining respect from my peers I don't take the time to realize that I'm doing a damn good job given all the stuff I have had to do that I never encountered while a student (which was just 3 months ago)! I get frustrated with myself and it tends to be lashed out at co-workers to a point. I tend to blow off steam and the heat is felt from anyone who is around so to speak. I think it clicked today when I had a patient tell me I was a good tech because I didn't have any repeats. If any techs are reading this you know as well as I do repeat rate isn't the best way to measure whether or not a tech is good or not simply because there are SO many factors that contribute to the need for a repeat.
Confidence or the lack there of has played a big part in my issues with making friends, dating, and just being comfortable with myself. For so long I just haven't thought very highly of myself because for one reason or another people felt the need to make me feel like shit.
Yet, did they really make me feel bad - make me feel like I'm not good enough?
No.
"No one can make you feel inferior without your permission"
Alright, so with that being said, what has made me allow so many people's opinions of me affect the way I feel about myself? I just don't know how to can start to build the confidence I need so much. I know people are attracted to confident people, so obviously it would solve a major problem I'm facing at the present moment. Ugh, if only I knew what to do. I'm doing what I can to improve the things I dislike about myself. I'm working out. I'm working on not being so damn emotional. I'm honestly lost at to what steps to take to make me a more confident person. I think I will always be incredibly humble, but I think at this moment I'm not so much humble instead I'm not believing I'm this amazing person. If I can't convince myself that I'm awesome, how the hell am I ever going to convince someone who doesn't know me?
I think if I could only gain some confidence things would start to turn around in all the areas of my life that need work.