you blow me away
Why is it that I can never be happy? Maybe I'm doomed to forever live a mediocre life, with my CEC job as a REGULAR cast member, living with my parents in agony, never truly finding happiness. Why is it that when I find something I really like, that it comes with some many damn complications? Why can't life be simple and easy and fun? I realize that if it was that way all the time, I would never learn to persevere and whatnot, but it seems I'm always getting the short end of the stick. This seems like a cruel game that God is playing on me.
I think I have found someone I truly like, but because of certain "complications", I feel the need to not get too close, to not reveal myself all the way. Why?? Because I've done that in the past, be myself, let them see the real me, and it's always ended bad, with me regretting that I didn't. I find myself pulling back, stepping away to test myself. I don't want to be suckered again. So maybe I'm leading and living a lie by not showing all of me. I just can't open up anymore. I'm not going to be a naive girl anymore.
I think he has a point. We're not together, so why stick to just seeing each other?? I should see as many people as possible. I should go out every night with a different boy, experiment, fuck around, be crazy. And everytime I say this to myself, I believe it. But I never end up doing it. Maybe deep down, I'm a one-man type of girl. I like to talk to lots of people, but when it comes down to it, I just end up going out with the one I find most interesting. It's not like I don't have offers, guys wanting my attention. I have quite a few that strike me as wonderful. And I can keep it as casual as possible for a little while, date, test the waters, whatever you would like to call it. But sooner or later, you got to either call it quits/decide to be friends, or fall in love/be together. We'll see what happens, how my story plays out on all fronts.
♥
I think I have found someone I truly like, but because of certain "complications", I feel the need to not get too close, to not reveal myself all the way. Why?? Because I've done that in the past, be myself, let them see the real me, and it's always ended bad, with me regretting that I didn't. I find myself pulling back, stepping away to test myself. I don't want to be suckered again. So maybe I'm leading and living a lie by not showing all of me. I just can't open up anymore. I'm not going to be a naive girl anymore.
I think he has a point. We're not together, so why stick to just seeing each other?? I should see as many people as possible. I should go out every night with a different boy, experiment, fuck around, be crazy. And everytime I say this to myself, I believe it. But I never end up doing it. Maybe deep down, I'm a one-man type of girl. I like to talk to lots of people, but when it comes down to it, I just end up going out with the one I find most interesting. It's not like I don't have offers, guys wanting my attention. I have quite a few that strike me as wonderful. And I can keep it as casual as possible for a little while, date, test the waters, whatever you would like to call it. But sooner or later, you got to either call it quits/decide to be friends, or fall in love/be together. We'll see what happens, how my story plays out on all fronts.
♥