(no subject)
So i haven't written in this thing in forever and I'm not even sure if anybody still reads this thing. but I need something to just vent too, without worrying if they really care or if I'm talking about myself to much.
I feel like everything is falling apart around me. I lost my job, my parents are on my ass about finding a new one. my dad actually thinks I'm still working there cause he'd flip out if he knew that I quit, and my mom knows and is making me feel bad cause she hates keeping things from my dad. but Im so sick of them I'm so sick of them in my life I love them with all my heart but I feel that all they fight with me about is fucking money and how I'm never gunna make it, never gunna be able to pay for anything cause I throw my money away and I just wish I wasn't living at home.
I hate college. I go thru everyday not talking to anyone...besides caroline when I see her outside of class. I'm so intimidated by everyone there, I just feel like they all have this life with ESU and with living there and everything and I'm so out of it. I don't know anyone and noone takes the time to get to know me. I miss being with the ppl that I cared enough about to not like. the people I've been with all my life, everyones having sucha good time and I just can't idk whats wrong with me. why can't I move on like everyone else has.
I've lost the two most important people in my life too... they've moved on too. I knew this was gunna happen...in seperate schools, them still in hgihschool. and they sat and told me a month ago that I was gunna be the one to leave them and forget about them cause I was a college girl and I was gunna find a new group of guy friends...but no I promised I wouldn't...and i stuck to that promise and look where that left me..alone. fucking alone. as usual. and I hate myself for depending on them for my happiness for depending on them for anything. I was there all the times when NOONE else was. they had nobody else and I was there. and I was the first to know. the only one they could talk to. now I'm the last to know.
Why can't for once..me be the person with the great relationship, great friends, having the time of my life. I'm always missing one of those things. I need to stop depending on other ppl for my happiness cause I end up having nights like these. and I'm done...
I feel like everything is falling apart around me. I lost my job, my parents are on my ass about finding a new one. my dad actually thinks I'm still working there cause he'd flip out if he knew that I quit, and my mom knows and is making me feel bad cause she hates keeping things from my dad. but Im so sick of them I'm so sick of them in my life I love them with all my heart but I feel that all they fight with me about is fucking money and how I'm never gunna make it, never gunna be able to pay for anything cause I throw my money away and I just wish I wasn't living at home.
I hate college. I go thru everyday not talking to anyone...besides caroline when I see her outside of class. I'm so intimidated by everyone there, I just feel like they all have this life with ESU and with living there and everything and I'm so out of it. I don't know anyone and noone takes the time to get to know me. I miss being with the ppl that I cared enough about to not like. the people I've been with all my life, everyones having sucha good time and I just can't idk whats wrong with me. why can't I move on like everyone else has.
I've lost the two most important people in my life too... they've moved on too. I knew this was gunna happen...in seperate schools, them still in hgihschool. and they sat and told me a month ago that I was gunna be the one to leave them and forget about them cause I was a college girl and I was gunna find a new group of guy friends...but no I promised I wouldn't...and i stuck to that promise and look where that left me..alone. fucking alone. as usual. and I hate myself for depending on them for my happiness for depending on them for anything. I was there all the times when NOONE else was. they had nobody else and I was there. and I was the first to know. the only one they could talk to. now I'm the last to know.
Why can't for once..me be the person with the great relationship, great friends, having the time of my life. I'm always missing one of those things. I need to stop depending on other ppl for my happiness cause I end up having nights like these. and I'm done...