Love the Label You're In...
Labels exist. And as often as we all say that we don’t fit into one, don’t use them, and despise them, we run to them for comfort, security, and identity. (it's ok for me to be in the dressing room with her, She's my BFF and I'm Gay!) But what I think that we really want to be saying is that we are not ONLY those things that we are labeled, that we are not stereotypes of some group, some label, or some set of pre-determined characteristics. At least that is true for me.
So, as an exercise I thought that I would try to list some of the labels that I might apply to myself, so that I can own them and on some level break the molds…
Male - White - Gay - Adopted - Bear - Midwestern - Chicagoan - Musician - Composer -
HR Professional - Funny - Open-minded - Coffee Drinker - Polyamorous - Smoker - Reader - Drinker…
Even in this short list I can think of things that I am NOT, but people might assume because of the label… For instance, yes I am a white male, but I can dance! And I may identify as being adopted, but I feel as connected to my (adoptive) parents as if they were blood. I like to read, but don’t always have a book in hand, I work in HR but I’m not a jag-off, I am a musician but haven’t played or sung anything in over a year, I am a Chicagoan but don't know any mobsters… (even in that list, I have given into stereotypes, and on some level enforced them by claiming to not fit into them)
This all comes about because I recently had a conversation with a guy that I happen to be in love with, but we were previously unable to make a relationship work for us in the traditional-1950’s housewife-what my parents have-what everyone expects-monogamous kind of way. We broke up months ago, were miserable apart, have recently started to spend more time together, and started to act like a couple again. On (this historic!) election night he was over at my place to watch the returns and I asked “So ummm, are we dating?” He of course rolled his eyes since he knows that this was going to lead to Andrew “having a conversation” and then over-analyzing everything… I assured him that I was still trying to enjoy my “live in the moment” approach, but that I just wanted to define where we are right now, and that I would let the next steps present themselves as they would. I was in fact asking to put a label on “us” and the relationship. I needed that comfort, that security and that definition… And since that night and that short conversation, I have felt renewed… and I now have that comfort and security that we are on the same page, feeling the same things, and yes, maybe even heading in the same direction.
I can say that yes I do believe there are many downsides to labeling (or stereotyping), and that there are so many things about us as individuals and groups that can not be effectively labeled, But at the same time there are also many positive uses of those labels, and feeling like a member of those groups in spite of and in support of the many things that either fit into those molds or not. We just have to be aware of those dangers and differences and be sure to maintain our own identity.