More Chemical Blahs
I can't sleep. Not sure if it is due to moving the clocks an hour ahead, or hormones, or stress and anxiety or taking my vitamins too late in the day cos I get too busy otherwise, but I am struggling. I am really struggling.
I am reading a lot of articles on LGBT identity development, as well as articles about the intersection between LGBT identity development and spiritual development, and a separate bunch of articles on Jewish identity development...and all of these things are really getting to me.
To make matters worse, I am so fucking lonely right now. And my parents succeed, yet again, in making me feel even more lonely when I reach out to them.
It is not my fault that I do not have a child. I have an autoimmune disorder that can cause me to have a miscarriage. I would rather not have a child at all than go through the heartbreak of losing a child like that. I do not want to take that chance. It will take far too much energy, financial burden, and time to start a new life if it will end up in loss. To my parents, this makes me a weak, selfish person. And this is why I do not live with them and why I limit my contact with them, because deep down they love my accomplishments, but do not love me, because I cannot give them what daughters far less accomplished can.
Only my honey loves me. And that is the truth. I don't have anyone else in my life who loves me.
Glee is making me cry too. I forgot how Finn Hudson died, but he did, and I am watching the episode where all the Glee kids are mourning him.
I am reading a lot of articles on LGBT identity development, as well as articles about the intersection between LGBT identity development and spiritual development, and a separate bunch of articles on Jewish identity development...and all of these things are really getting to me.
To make matters worse, I am so fucking lonely right now. And my parents succeed, yet again, in making me feel even more lonely when I reach out to them.
It is not my fault that I do not have a child. I have an autoimmune disorder that can cause me to have a miscarriage. I would rather not have a child at all than go through the heartbreak of losing a child like that. I do not want to take that chance. It will take far too much energy, financial burden, and time to start a new life if it will end up in loss. To my parents, this makes me a weak, selfish person. And this is why I do not live with them and why I limit my contact with them, because deep down they love my accomplishments, but do not love me, because I cannot give them what daughters far less accomplished can.
Only my honey loves me. And that is the truth. I don't have anyone else in my life who loves me.
Glee is making me cry too. I forgot how Finn Hudson died, but he did, and I am watching the episode where all the Glee kids are mourning him.