(no subject)
okay so i wanted to make a new lj and i did and it sucked. i miss this one and i love this one and uhhh yes. i feel really bad right now and guilty and upset and confused. im not sure anyone will see this comment because this is the first post in a LONG time and well im not sure how many people still use theirs.
but things started out great at the beginning of the year and now i feel so vulnerable and willing to do anything to feel alive. i can't focus anymore on school work and i dont think i am trying my hardest like i did 1st semester. i have been distracted a lot and so confused with things. its like my life seemed perfect. johnny and i loved each other, i was doing awesome in all my classes, i wanted to do awesome in all my classes...i guess im a perfectionist but it seems so different lately like i am taking chances i shouldn't be and doing things that aren't exactly good for me mentally, emotionally, and physically. I guess that sounds like i would be doing something insane and it really isn't i guess.
i just feel so distracted and i can't focus and its more like my priorities have shifted. im not sure if in the end it will hurt me or what but i guess sometimes people can't control how they are.
i have been wanting to post on lj because i miss venting my feelings. and lately i guess i have been feeling a lot of them.
i was looking at my previous posts and i can't remember how i felt then..its weird reading them.
but things started out great at the beginning of the year and now i feel so vulnerable and willing to do anything to feel alive. i can't focus anymore on school work and i dont think i am trying my hardest like i did 1st semester. i have been distracted a lot and so confused with things. its like my life seemed perfect. johnny and i loved each other, i was doing awesome in all my classes, i wanted to do awesome in all my classes...i guess im a perfectionist but it seems so different lately like i am taking chances i shouldn't be and doing things that aren't exactly good for me mentally, emotionally, and physically. I guess that sounds like i would be doing something insane and it really isn't i guess.
i just feel so distracted and i can't focus and its more like my priorities have shifted. im not sure if in the end it will hurt me or what but i guess sometimes people can't control how they are.
i have been wanting to post on lj because i miss venting my feelings. and lately i guess i have been feeling a lot of them.
i was looking at my previous posts and i can't remember how i felt then..its weird reading them.