Recurring Theme
I keep having a recurring theme in my dreams every so often. I am in a military setting, usually a drill hall, or the base in Baghdad wearing a mismatched or just really unsatisfactory uniform. Sometimes it is just my hairstyle not being military standard. Some higher up either from the company or some outside commander will come into the setting and call everyone out on something being unsatisfactory. They will have an inspection right then and there. Usually that is the moment when the pit of my stomach drops off the face of the earth. The dream never progresses to a conclusion though. But I am still left with a lingering sense of having disappointed someone, or just feeling as if something I did was not sufficient or up to standard.
I connect that to the dissonance I have with having military history, doing what I had to do (what I was supposed to do), and not considering that to any degree or measure heroic. Hence not wanting to be associated with or labeled in that category. This also presents another conundrum.
If I don't want to be labeled or categorized in that, why do I bring attention to it? would it not achieve the exact thing I am trying to distance myself from?
I connect that to the dissonance I have with having military history, doing what I had to do (what I was supposed to do), and not considering that to any degree or measure heroic. Hence not wanting to be associated with or labeled in that category. This also presents another conundrum.
If I don't want to be labeled or categorized in that, why do I bring attention to it? would it not achieve the exact thing I am trying to distance myself from?