(no subject)
I am overwhelmed. I have been overwhelmed for a year. I have broken promises, I haven't been getting my priorities straight.
It started here: Worse health happened this summer. At first I denied it. Lalalala it'll be good in a spell lalala, sure it was all my own choices and nothing I couldn't control. Then there was overwhelmedness in abundance. And then there was shame, so much shame. I tried so hard to hide it, even when that meant it made me very hard for my surroundings to understand. Shame, you see. Strong stuff.
I'm not saying it's been horrible all the time or even that I have been keeping my fingers in my ears all the time, but it's been a pretty hard year and I hope it has taught me enough that I don't have to go through that again. My health issues are out of my control (but not out of my influence!), but how I handle the challenges coming my way most certainly is not.
I am in the process of digging myself up from that place, and since January I have started accepting how slow it needs to be. Sometimes I have silly priorities. But I am making better choices. I gave up a lot of the voluntary work. Some of it I was feeling trapped by, some of it wasn't being done very well, a couple of things wasn't being done at all. That's where the shame came in, by the way. But then I changed that, gave some things up and gave warning that I'd be giving less in others.
Another thing I have been doing is getting more consistant about my spirituality. It does wonders. It also shakes me a bit sometimes. Healthy, good, but not always comfy.
Now for keeping working towards a stable living situation, better health, better routines, better priorities, and working to fully re-own the courage that I owned not that long ago.
It started here: Worse health happened this summer. At first I denied it. Lalalala it'll be good in a spell lalala, sure it was all my own choices and nothing I couldn't control. Then there was overwhelmedness in abundance. And then there was shame, so much shame. I tried so hard to hide it, even when that meant it made me very hard for my surroundings to understand. Shame, you see. Strong stuff.
I'm not saying it's been horrible all the time or even that I have been keeping my fingers in my ears all the time, but it's been a pretty hard year and I hope it has taught me enough that I don't have to go through that again. My health issues are out of my control (but not out of my influence!), but how I handle the challenges coming my way most certainly is not.
I am in the process of digging myself up from that place, and since January I have started accepting how slow it needs to be. Sometimes I have silly priorities. But I am making better choices. I gave up a lot of the voluntary work. Some of it I was feeling trapped by, some of it wasn't being done very well, a couple of things wasn't being done at all. That's where the shame came in, by the way. But then I changed that, gave some things up and gave warning that I'd be giving less in others.
Another thing I have been doing is getting more consistant about my spirituality. It does wonders. It also shakes me a bit sometimes. Healthy, good, but not always comfy.
Now for keeping working towards a stable living situation, better health, better routines, better priorities, and working to fully re-own the courage that I owned not that long ago.