half a z really does the trick
jury duty is superhero gey. but i get a day off for it. damnit. ever feel godamned highs in lows in extremes for weeks? consider yourself lucky if you never find yourself on that ride. oh horray im so excited blah blah and then in a few hours goddamn everything. so far i blame it all on being a woman, women are a million times more prone to this waste of time pattern than guys. all guys get is schizophrenia an mornin wood. so i pretty much feel used by my brut man now. dont think he ever really liked my dispite blue blood paralytic drunken love confession, twice. i used to think a sip of the hooch makes people say how they really feel. unless they are total liars sober, but now im realizing that its hard to find honesty and its even harder to be honest myself. am i happy? yeah sure why not? or im just kidding, im just a stupid hormone playing stupid games with your life. your not really a fat lazy looser, i take that back. goddddamnit another thing thats really hard not to do is to not compare yourself to EVERYONE else. its either pssh i am way better or shit, i really am a lazy good for nothin goddamnit. suckit. oh to be so cool and go out everynight drink to block you insecurities and inhabitions then only to have a million conversations that go no deeper than a puddle and then brag about them as experieces of a life time. then make it public so everyone knows they it was oh so much better than what you did last night. fuck off. yeah i go to bed early, wake up early, work 40 hrs in the heat, fuck off. fuck off fuck off. im sick of the "im so drunk right now" "i got so drunk last night" "my friends are so superior than yours" "im artsy and its my onnly salvation from my otherwise depressing life" blah blah fuck off suck your self you can go screw. id like to see more facts than exaggerated social events. i just dont want to be 40 at 20..........godddddddddddaaaaaaaaaaaaammmmmnnnnit rambler rambler rambler go screw