postpardom depression
I don't know any other words to describe what I know I'm going thru.
Last night my dad was watching a PBS seris on Artists and he desided I should watch it too since I am an artist. the frist one was on Van Gough and the narrorator overused adjectives to the point where it stoped making sence. The second one was over a single work of Piccoso depicting a war rade. I gess he saw death and destruction in everything. I was fine till they went over one part of the mural..... a mother holding her dead baby son. THAT spoke to me a little too loudly and I went to bed. I couldn't sleep tho, all i could do was cry.
I wake up this morrning and the feeling is still there. Today is going to be a realy bad day for my depression. I took two Zoloft in hopes that it will take the edge off. I hate this feeling of constent pain and heartach. Thoughts have been going thru my head that hadn't before. Now I'm wishing Julain Hadn't been born just for the fact that I don't want to be feeling this pain now. If I had gotton that abortion, I wouldn't be in pain over losing him now. Kevin would'v dummped me then and I would already be on with my life. Deep down I had this feeling SOMETHING was going to go wrong when i found out I was pregnate. I should have listened to my instinct.
I hate Missing Julain this way. My heart is aching so bad right now it feels like I'm having a heart attack. it's making me feel sick. I should see a doctor BUT I don't have insurance or any way to pay a doctors bill, so I'm screwed!
Last night my dad was watching a PBS seris on Artists and he desided I should watch it too since I am an artist. the frist one was on Van Gough and the narrorator overused adjectives to the point where it stoped making sence. The second one was over a single work of Piccoso depicting a war rade. I gess he saw death and destruction in everything. I was fine till they went over one part of the mural..... a mother holding her dead baby son. THAT spoke to me a little too loudly and I went to bed. I couldn't sleep tho, all i could do was cry.
I wake up this morrning and the feeling is still there. Today is going to be a realy bad day for my depression. I took two Zoloft in hopes that it will take the edge off. I hate this feeling of constent pain and heartach. Thoughts have been going thru my head that hadn't before. Now I'm wishing Julain Hadn't been born just for the fact that I don't want to be feeling this pain now. If I had gotton that abortion, I wouldn't be in pain over losing him now. Kevin would'v dummped me then and I would already be on with my life. Deep down I had this feeling SOMETHING was going to go wrong when i found out I was pregnate. I should have listened to my instinct.
I hate Missing Julain this way. My heart is aching so bad right now it feels like I'm having a heart attack. it's making me feel sick. I should see a doctor BUT I don't have insurance or any way to pay a doctors bill, so I'm screwed!