All Good Things
I hope to use this soon, metaphorically (!). Be sure to note the metaphorically part, and think DEEP(ugh) and HARD(ooh) about IT.
Nabbefeld, Kyle Matthew
Holt, MI
Age __, was taken unexpectedly from his family and friends on ________________ by (A, see instructions below). He was born on March 6, 1986 in Lansing to Keith and Faith (Zalewski). Kyle loved heroin and cocaine. Generally he enjoyed them together, though sometimes he would add intoxicated sex to the mix to create a euphoric experience for both he and his partner. He really was a caring soul and he showed it to all that were lucky enough to have known him. He was a (B, consult list underneath letter A). Everyone (C) Kyle and he will (D) truly missed. Survived by (E, see below). Funeral services will be celebrated at 3:04 a.m. on _______________ at (F) with the people of his (G) as apposed to any Reverend, Minister, Rabbi or other religious affiliate (H). Interment will follow in ___________ Cemetery. The family will receive visitors at any time throughout the week preceding the funeral. In lieu of flowers, you can all go fuck yourselves.
(Blank space should be filled in accordingly, with the missing information as true as possible. Below are the specific spots that are far beyond a simple date.)
A: Should the death be boring and embarrassing, any of the following will be acceptable to fill the place: a gunshot wound to the face, herniated disc leading to traumatically increased rate of osteoporosis, halitosis, bathtub drowning, necessary government silencing, an adult breast feeding accidental overdose, a bolt of lighting, a malfunction with his parachute, a rabid shark attack, lead poisoning, or first target in the "weeding out of the freak population". Should anything really happen that is just too hilarious to not list, use the truth instead. Irony is also acceptable.
B: huge asshole, blessing in disguise, hard worker, slacker, bastard-twat, granny fister, two-timing slut, trans-gender individual, cocksucker, crazy bastard, or any other description you see fit.
C: hated, loved, loathed, despised, feared, felt awkward around, laughed at, disapproved of, had trouble understanding, has wished for this day to come to, had fun with, respected, or anything else that anyone may see fit to place in this area.
D: be/not be
E: List those that survived, obviously, with hopefully extremely hilarious relations such as: drug dealer, smuggling partner, gay confidant, co-worker (this would be a random person that barely even knew me and would be shocked to see their name mentioned), mistress, the brains of the operation, or shit kicker. Any would do and creative suggestions are welcome.
F: Wherever it is held. Preferably an elementary school gymnasium or cafeteria during the November elections. Any woodland area would also be acceptable, as would a chiropractor's office or an isle of a grocery store.
G: family, cult, society, brotherhood, crack team of round-the-clock therapists, friends, ex-wives, long lost boyfriends, or anyone that has been in his life or was in any way effected by him being alive.
H: unless through Satanism or the occult. (He was a fag like that, so I wouldn't be surprised.)
Some of it may need to be updated, and feel free to add in stuff or give me some suggestions. Metaphorically (!) or otherwise. It has been brought to my mind that "changing" or something is important. 'n The fuck would I know? So I just figured I would review this. Some of you have already seen it, and that's fine. I don't wanna move on, I just keep reliving. Ah, change from the man who preaches and avoids it at all costs.
Quick! Everyone! Tell me what you look like naked!
A small EDIT: The part in section A discussing a gunshot wound to the face could be when I was shot by police at a Super 8 for holding my girlfriend hostage even when I really wasn't. Also, lead poisoning could be from that magic elixer I'm working on. See The Tao of Kyle photo, soon to come. (Though none of you would know if it worked out for immortality or not. Then there would be no need for an obituary. Ah, the connections!)
Also, dick tastes good.
Nabbefeld, Kyle Matthew
Holt, MI
Age __, was taken unexpectedly from his family and friends on ________________ by (A, see instructions below). He was born on March 6, 1986 in Lansing to Keith and Faith (Zalewski). Kyle loved heroin and cocaine. Generally he enjoyed them together, though sometimes he would add intoxicated sex to the mix to create a euphoric experience for both he and his partner. He really was a caring soul and he showed it to all that were lucky enough to have known him. He was a (B, consult list underneath letter A). Everyone (C) Kyle and he will (D) truly missed. Survived by (E, see below). Funeral services will be celebrated at 3:04 a.m. on _______________ at (F) with the people of his (G) as apposed to any Reverend, Minister, Rabbi or other religious affiliate (H). Interment will follow in ___________ Cemetery. The family will receive visitors at any time throughout the week preceding the funeral. In lieu of flowers, you can all go fuck yourselves.
(Blank space should be filled in accordingly, with the missing information as true as possible. Below are the specific spots that are far beyond a simple date.)
A: Should the death be boring and embarrassing, any of the following will be acceptable to fill the place: a gunshot wound to the face, herniated disc leading to traumatically increased rate of osteoporosis, halitosis, bathtub drowning, necessary government silencing, an adult breast feeding accidental overdose, a bolt of lighting, a malfunction with his parachute, a rabid shark attack, lead poisoning, or first target in the "weeding out of the freak population". Should anything really happen that is just too hilarious to not list, use the truth instead. Irony is also acceptable.
B: huge asshole, blessing in disguise, hard worker, slacker, bastard-twat, granny fister, two-timing slut, trans-gender individual, cocksucker, crazy bastard, or any other description you see fit.
C: hated, loved, loathed, despised, feared, felt awkward around, laughed at, disapproved of, had trouble understanding, has wished for this day to come to, had fun with, respected, or anything else that anyone may see fit to place in this area.
D: be/not be
E: List those that survived, obviously, with hopefully extremely hilarious relations such as: drug dealer, smuggling partner, gay confidant, co-worker (this would be a random person that barely even knew me and would be shocked to see their name mentioned), mistress, the brains of the operation, or shit kicker. Any would do and creative suggestions are welcome.
F: Wherever it is held. Preferably an elementary school gymnasium or cafeteria during the November elections. Any woodland area would also be acceptable, as would a chiropractor's office or an isle of a grocery store.
G: family, cult, society, brotherhood, crack team of round-the-clock therapists, friends, ex-wives, long lost boyfriends, or anyone that has been in his life or was in any way effected by him being alive.
H: unless through Satanism or the occult. (He was a fag like that, so I wouldn't be surprised.)
Some of it may need to be updated, and feel free to add in stuff or give me some suggestions. Metaphorically (!) or otherwise. It has been brought to my mind that "changing" or something is important. 'n The fuck would I know? So I just figured I would review this. Some of you have already seen it, and that's fine. I don't wanna move on, I just keep reliving. Ah, change from the man who preaches and avoids it at all costs.
Quick! Everyone! Tell me what you look like naked!
A small EDIT: The part in section A discussing a gunshot wound to the face could be when I was shot by police at a Super 8 for holding my girlfriend hostage even when I really wasn't. Also, lead poisoning could be from that magic elixer I'm working on. See The Tao of Kyle photo, soon to come. (Though none of you would know if it worked out for immortality or not. Then there would be no need for an obituary. Ah, the connections!)
Also, dick tastes good.