The Generic Blues
In The Dream-Quest for Unknown Kaddath, a story by H.P. Lovecraft (yes, I'm talking about Lovecraft again. Deal with it) the hero Randolph Carter's goal is basically what the title says--finding the mysterious city of Kaddath he's wanted to find all his life. He has a lot of picoresque adventures while locating the place until at the very end he comes face-to-face with the god Nyarlathotep, who tells him, "You don't really want to go to Kaddath--all you want is to re-live the magic of when you first heard stories of it as a kid in Boston. It's that childhood you want to find, not Kaddath."
I'm so bloody sick of feeling like Mr. Carter. I'm sick of pursuing the things that I used to love back before my life started to suck. I'm sick of making a fool out of myself trying to re-integrate into a group of friends that I was part of for roughly five months before I ended up on the outside forever. I'm sick of being a lazy coward who can't cope enough with my situation to actually improve on it instead of wishing I still thought Rammstein was the end-all be-all of everything and I could take my mom's company for granted. And I'm really, really sick of February. Which isn't even a quarter over yet.
I'm going to go eat ice cream and read trashy fantasy books until I puke now.
I'm so bloody sick of feeling like Mr. Carter. I'm sick of pursuing the things that I used to love back before my life started to suck. I'm sick of making a fool out of myself trying to re-integrate into a group of friends that I was part of for roughly five months before I ended up on the outside forever. I'm sick of being a lazy coward who can't cope enough with my situation to actually improve on it instead of wishing I still thought Rammstein was the end-all be-all of everything and I could take my mom's company for granted. And I'm really, really sick of February. Which isn't even a quarter over yet.
I'm going to go eat ice cream and read trashy fantasy books until I puke now.