Mother fucker.
I'm at school twelve hours a day, which I knew I said I could handle. I am now getting a cold, my mom is going to start systemic chemotherapy treatments because the cancer has spread to her lungs while I was stuck here too concerned with my goddamn useless education to spend time with her, my cat was just killed by our neighbors' dog and I'm the
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Here goes.
It turns out Harry was dead the whole time, and after Ron declares his undying love for Harry they have Hermione kill him so that he and Harry can be together. Unfortunately she gets carted off to Azkaban for performing an Unforgivable curse, and before they can sort out that it was consensual she conquers the Dementors and becomes their queen. Also, Voldemort is naught more than a puppet for the true Dark Lord, Peeves the Poltergeist, whose evil plan is to use the power of the Chosen One (Hagrid, it turns out) as the conduit to reach the Dungeon Dimensions where his army of minions lurks, ready to take over the world.
Fortunately, Snape has the foresight to call upon the spirit of Obi-Wan KaDumbledore to fight Peeves to his final death. Hermione leads her Dementor army against the Death Eaters, then as an encore conquers Norway and turns it into a dark land of sorrow and despair, where Dementors lurk around every corner and the humans must become the world's leading consumers of chocolate. Free of Peeves' influence, Voldemort flees, although rumor has it that a mysterious new tattoo artist on the show Miami Ink bears a striking resemblance to the pale, noseless maniac responsible for countless deaths.
Meanwhile, Ginny becomes seriously interested in a cute guy who pops out of a retro blue police box, and is last seen following him into it. Neither she NOR the police box are ever seen again.
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