(no subject)
its 4 am
i've been crying my eyes out all night. i'm afraid for anita. it seems every night she goes home and enters a deeply depressive state...she has taken walks around the neighborhood almost every night this week, and every night i get even more worried.
i could never imagine a life without her. without her smiling face, without her arms around me, without her kisses, without her voice. here i go crying again...
she has brought out so much good in me. i'm more emotional, i smile now, i have a reason to get up in the morning. one thing few people have ever been able to do is to make my eyes smile...i'm good at faking a smile, but she makes my eyes smile. i dontk now if that means anything to you guys, but its alot for me. she's burrowed herself a nice place in my heart and soul. i feel if i lost her, i would lose a part of myself.
i have never cried this much over anyone. even at my grandparents deaths i didnt cry.
but even the thought of losing her leaves me in the fetal position crying like a baby.
i should tell you i should tell you i should tell you i love you...
i want to marry her. i want to have a home with her. have children.i want to be able to look down at her and see a baby in her arms, and see that special look she only gives me.
i want to be 80 years old and be sitting and bitching about how other peoples kids suck, and that they all need to be beat in the head. and to drive 6 mph down the road just to piss people off, because thats what we love doing together.
i want to be buried beside her, and meet each other on the other side of the wall, and join hands until we are reborn....and continue our lives together on the solid plane again.
there are times that both of us can be wholly depressed and hating life, but the littlest things will put a smile on the other's face.
when/if i ever get the money i want to tattoo her sign across my heart
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ok, so its a bit lopsided, but i'm not perfect...there is aline that goes down the middle, but i cant do it...
and i just realized...its a goddess symbol....or maybe just a human symbol....but it is a person with legs wide and arms outstretched...its also a symbol for balance...the opposing angles canceling each other out....can also be for math....sort of an 'all is equal' thing
its almost 5...looks like i'm not sleeping...