A intro to Rock N' Roll by Alan Freed.
i got asked out to a movie tonight. John Waters' A Dirty Shame. ah, how exciting--there's nothing quite like a John Waters flick to get me in the mood for perversion and debauchery. only in my mind, mind you. 0:)
yet, i feel a little uneasy about the whole thing. a couple months ago, i never thought i would be in this sort of situation-- not anytime soon at least. didn't expect things to be this way. but, i can't dwell upon it. wish things were better-- perhaps they will be with time...and hopefully, everything will be a whole lot clearer and easier.
in the meantime, i guess i should take people up on their offers, go out on a couple dates, party a bit, and make the best of things. i can't just sit at home and wait for a miracle. does this really make me happy? not too much. but as much as i would like for things to be how they were, i can't change or control anything-- and i certainly can't try to force myself upon anyone-- especially when it seems for some reason he wants to shut me out of his life. i guess this is just a way for me to come to terms with the realization that things are different now...
...why is there such a huge wall between us?
yet, i feel a little uneasy about the whole thing. a couple months ago, i never thought i would be in this sort of situation-- not anytime soon at least. didn't expect things to be this way. but, i can't dwell upon it. wish things were better-- perhaps they will be with time...and hopefully, everything will be a whole lot clearer and easier.
in the meantime, i guess i should take people up on their offers, go out on a couple dates, party a bit, and make the best of things. i can't just sit at home and wait for a miracle. does this really make me happy? not too much. but as much as i would like for things to be how they were, i can't change or control anything-- and i certainly can't try to force myself upon anyone-- especially when it seems for some reason he wants to shut me out of his life. i guess this is just a way for me to come to terms with the realization that things are different now...
...why is there such a huge wall between us?