Charlton Damned Heston Dot Com
I can't get enough of this website.
Following are some excerpts from Charlton Heston's diary (of a speech he made to the NRA):
Hello, members of the National Rifle Association, and welcome to this event. My name is Charlton Heston, and I was also in The Ten Commandments. I could kill any one of you right now.
When I was younger, I wrestled a lion to death with my face. I can't stand thick carpets. Why is everything so small nowadays? I can't even fit into my television set without breaking it.
We need to defend ourselves from the ape race. It is a fact that over 100% of people in America should own guns, and that number is growing every day. In conclusion, if we don’t take out the garbage, hippies will paw through it in our garage.
Do you understand what I'm saying to you? I doubt it. I’m Charlton damned Heston! You can’t change my speeches! Don’t you understand I wrote them? I had a Remington carbine semi-automatic rifle in The Omega Man, and I shot zombies from the future with that rifle. If zombies attack us again, what are you going to do if I can’t write my own speeches? Where are your Remington carbine semi-automatic rifles, you fucking homosexuals? Not one of you has any idea how to kill a man. Watch my karate kicks!