Chuck Norris
Found this posted on my guild's forum, and thought a few of them were funny, so I figured I'd share em with y'all.
FACTS ABOUT CHUCK NORRIS
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Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
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If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till."
After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
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Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.
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Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
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Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
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Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
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Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
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Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris
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There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.
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There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
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Chuck Norris is considered a country and the chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
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Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
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When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
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Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage now as Red Bull.
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FACTS ABOUT CHUCK NORRIS
********************
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
*********
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till."
After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
********
Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.
*******
Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
************
Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
**********
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
*********
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
***********
Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris
**********
There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.
********
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
********
Chuck Norris is considered a country and the chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
**************
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
***************
When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
************
Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage now as Red Bull.
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