(no subject)
this is really weird but sometimes when I'm with josh, i wonder if i'm really happy or if i'm faking it. maybe deep down i really hate him, but i think this is my only chance. i find myself being really selfish lately. like he has this new job and he's making good money and i'm really happy for him, but i'm also insanely jealous. and i feel like i'm picking fights with him because i'm jealous that he makes more than me. but he's supposed to make more than me. he's older and he's in IT stuff. i feel like i'm for some reason trying to mess everything up. does any of this make any sense? is this stuff normal?