(no subject)
josh and i had our first real fight. or at least i think it was our first really big fight. we've bickered but this was like we were both upset. i don't honestly know why i got so upset, but i went to meet my dad and i was going to meet up with josh later. 2 hours later i called him. he said, well i'm over here but we're having some guy time so don't come over here. we'll be done in 45 minutes. i know when he says 45 minutes he really means 90. so what was i going to do for an hour while he was out having guy time? it was just a shock and the bar we normally hang out at was PACKED so i was pissed. i called him like 5 minutes later and said just give me your house keys and i'll go there and come meet you when you're done. but he sounded upset or annoyed and said he would be done in 15 minutes so i should just wait and he would meet me at slane. i said i won't be there because it's packed so call me when you're done and i'll meet you there. i went to eat some ice cream and 30 minutes later walked by and he wasn't there. so i went to the other bar and he was there with a group of people and i just asked him for his keys. he said what do you want the keys for? and i was mad so i left. eventually he gave me the keys and i went back to his place. i watched a movie i knew he wouldn't like and cooled down then called him about half way through it. i was feeling better and felt like hanging out. he said he would be leaving soon, in 30 minutes tops, so i decided just to stay at his place. an hour and a half later he still hadn't called and wasn't there. so i was pissed again and called him. he was still there and still saying 20 minutes. i knew that was a lie so i just went out and met him there. i didn't feel like sitting around like a loser waiting for someone. we hung out for a while. he was pretty drunk. walking home was really tense and we had to sit down and talk about it. i just said i didn't like that he didn't want to hang out with me when we made plans, and i didn't like that he was blowing me off by saying 20 minutes when he didn't mean it. it wasn't taking my feelings into consideration. and he said he understood. then he was ranting about how this always happens and this is why he doesn't want a real relationship and what the hell's the point. and that pissed me off. when we got to his place i was still upset, not because of the night, but just because of his rant. there was more but i don't remember it. i said something like i'm sad because i guess this is the beginning of the end. i figured what's the point of he doesn't really care. you should have seen the look on his face. he was shocked. he said so you don't think we stand a chance? what's the point? i said we'll just enjoy it while we can. a while later he said you hate me now. you hate me. you should be with someone better. you could do better. i said i don't hate you. i guess we calmed down. later when we were going to bed, i asked if he wanted this to end anytime soon. he said he didn't and i was his best friend. so i guess that resolved it. and i learned a lot about josh. i think he doesn't like relationships because he never wants to fight. but i told him i would be pissed if any of my friends had done that to me. and he's more pessimisstic than i thought. he's really down on himself and that probably has a lot to do with his issues too. i want to fix that but i guess i can't. so we're fine now and i gave him an out and he didn't take it. he said he wanted to stick it out for a while. so that's good too. i don't know. anyone else have any thoughts?