Backdated Tues after kidplot end (locked to Carolyn might end up NWS)

[goldilockaubrey]

Jack had come home from the marina, showered, and began to dress but stopped as he caught sight of his body in the mirror, and all the scars.

Wearing nothing but his boxers he was standing in front of the mirror with a serious expression, taking stock.

Comments

[notyourcaptain]

It wasn't long after he'd gotten home that Carolyn arrived. "Jack?" she kicked the door shut behind her and went to the kitchen to set down the groceries she'd bought. "Jack, are you home, or am I talking to an empty apartment? Oh, hello Lola." She set the bags down and crouched carefully to rub the dog's ears.

[goldilockaubrey]

"I am in here, dear girl!' Jack called from the bedroom, though with less than his usual heartiness.

[notyourcaptain]

She frowned and pushed to her feet, hand on her stomach. "Jack?" she made her way into the bedroom, pausing in the doorway when she saw him standing in front of the mirror, "is everything all right?"

[goldilockaubrey]

Jack's eyes lit up when he saw her and he smiled gently.

"If you will believe me, I was just looking at these marks trying to remember how I got them. Some of the biggest ones, I don't recall the circumstances at all... and this one," he turned to point at a small circle on the small of his back, the smallest scar of all, "Was the most painful wound of all... well, until... and that didn't leave a mark at all."

[notyourcaptain]

The smile wasn't really fooling her. "Jack..." Carolyn came up behind him, hands on his shoulders, "what's up?" This was unlike him entirely.

[goldilockaubrey]

Jack turned and took her into his arms, arms long enough to wrap around her, tummy and all.

"I am not sure, dear girl," Jack searched for the words to explain.

"Trying to put...a hurt...in it's place...no, that's not right..." He sighed, then smiled again, "trying to see where everything fits..."

[notyourcaptain]

Carolyn searched his face, deeply worried. "Talk to me, Jack," she said, reaching up to stroke his hair back, "just speak your mind."

[goldilockaubrey]

"I don't want to forget you... or little Diana, ever. I suppose that it is that there ought to be a mark, a visible sign."

[notyourcaptain]

"Jack, don't think like that." Her throat tightened a little as she continued to stroke his hair, "you won't forget us."

[goldilockaubrey]

Jack bent down to sweep her up, and took a few steps back to sit on the bed.

"I wish I could be sure," he looked at her searchingly, then shook his head,

"Oh my dear, girl, I didn't mean to make you fret. I am sorry."

[notyourcaptain]

"We haven't..." she took a deep breath and shook her head, "we haven't talked about her, or when she left. Jack..." Carolyn chewed on her lip, tearing up a bit. "I don't want you to carry that with you. It's too heavy." That night, when neither of them had spoken, only cried. It has been one of the worst nights of her life.

[goldilockaubrey]

Jack held a hand to her cheek and placed his forehead to hers.

"I am feeling bad that I won't be there, that you have to do everything alone, and yet I'm trying not to be jealous that you will be with her...she had and is going to have a beautiful smile. Oh dear girl, I am fretting that I will miss those smiles, but glad that they will be there for you, and I am a sad fellow." The smile was still there, more genuine than it had been, yet tears were flowing freely down his cheeks.

[notyourcaptain]

Carolyn nodded mutely, still chewing her lip, her cheeks wet as well. "I want to do everything I can for you, Jack...but I don't know..." she choked and squeezed her eyes shut, "I'm so sorry. I was so selfish to ask you for this. I'm so sorry Jack..."

[goldilockaubrey]

"No, no my dear girl," Jack kissed her cheeks and brushed the tears away. "Remember her? How beautiful and happy, can you say that it was wrong to want to bring her into the world? No."

[notyourcaptain]

She was hiccuping against her tears now, clinging to him. "She was," she said wetly, "she was so fucking beautiful."

[goldilockaubrey]

"And she will be again, and her smiles ... her smiles will have my love in them." Jack held her, and stroked her back and was unashamedly crying with her.