Will You Be There Waiting For Me...?
It's so amazing how things used to be and how they are now. I was just going through my saved comments from here, and as I was reading some of them, I couldn't figure out why people would leave me such comments as these when, now, only months later, we practically don't even talk anymore. I also began to realize how much I miss a few people...I'm mainly talking about Luke. Just through the comments that he left me I could see how much he was changing even then...And now, well, now he's not even Luke anymore. He's not the person who used to be...We've grown so far apart and I absolutely hate it. It's driving me made. In half of the comments he left me there was an "I love you" or a "love,..." ending with some random name he'd make up. He used to be one of my best friends, and probably the most caring male friend I will ever have in my entire life...and now it's all gone. It slipped away. It's like a really bad breakup, where you were once friends and then afterward...nothing. Although we just drifted apart, it is the same context. As I'm sitting here in Photography class, 7:53 in the morning, I'm trying to picture what I was like and how I felt a year back. I honestly don't think I know. Actually, I think I was dating Luke at this time last year, but I'm not sure. My Lord, this is really an odd way to start off the day...Not only am I going to be thinking about Luke now for the rest of the day, but I figure I won't be talking to him any time soon, so I won't be able to tell him about how I'm feeling. And even if I do, I honestly don't think he'd care much. He has changed so much in the past year that I don't even think there is any part of him left that once was there. He's become depressed, and it saddens me to think that this friend of mine who was also so carefree and happy, could slip. He was always there for, always, and now...he's not. I miss him. =/
Yesterday I had cheerleading practice. I stunted, got hurt, stunted some more, got hurt some more...you know the drill. I started talking to Tammy about how I felt I wasn't having enough time for school and I think she took what I was saying the wrong way. I was trying to get to the point that I'm thinking of quitting, and she didn't take grasp of that. She told me that we won't be having to arrive at games always at 4:00, but we will have to be there around 4:30 for most games to set up the food booth. There is no way that I will be able to do that. I just won't. Ecspecially next semester when I have two honors classes and no non-academic classes. That's going to drive me mad. Everyone is telling me that Freshman honor classes aren't hard. Well, I beg to differ. Any class can be made hard depending on the teacher, students in the class, and mostly, for me...how well one is wanting to do in any specific class. My goal, that I made at the beginning of the summer last year was to get first honors all four marking periods. I don't think that will be happening if I devote most of my time to cheerleading and not to school. May dad has advised me a countless amount of times that my grades are much more important than cheering, and I'm finally believing that he is right. I don't even like it anymore, I don't feel like a part of the team, so...why should I be doing it?
Ah, only two more days left of school and then vacation. I am so thrilled that vacation is almost here. Actually, I'm more than thrilled, I'm ECSTATIC. I am so incredibly sick of school that if these next two days don't go by fast I am seriously going to die. I mean that, too. At least I don't have to go to practice on Thursday due to the absence of my parents. That's also a plus...They're going away Thursday night and won't be back until Fridat afternoon at some point. Well, that is, unless they decide to come home earlier...Which is a possibility.
Ah, fifty minutes left of this class...and I think I am going to go and do my homework. Doesn't that sound lovely? Adios. =)