Ouch, or, How Did This Happen?
A really good conversation recently left me open to face the realization that all and all, I am not emotionally healthy. Surprise, surprise? It's more than just that simple this time. When I actually let myself feel my own energy, it scares me how incredibly hollow it feels. Don't get me wrong, I'm still generally happy, I still have many amazing things and people in my life, but there's something different about it this time. It's been accumulating over the past couple of years, and I've been ignoring it for far too long. It's time to do something.
I am listening to the Sweet Water Women's song, Rain and Thunder. It's actually just a great track of a thunder storm, but it holds so much power and energy in it that it's always been therapeutic for me to listen to. I am reminded of being curled up in my parents' place looking out the large kitchen windows at the lightning in the sky. I can practically feel myself huddled up in a big sweater, ready to throw it off and go dancing outside. But the spontaneity is just out of reach.
I think staying at my parents' house this summer will be good for me. I can't necessarily say the same for having to work in Port Hope or Cobourg, but my home there is a truly special and wonderful place, with great energy.
I am going to do a cleanse when I am back there. Yes, THAT cleanse. The six week one that really nearly drove me crazy last year. I've been feeling for a while now the need to get rid of a whole lot of negative stuff that my body is still holding in.
I look at my eyes in the mirror and notice that they've lost their familiar life. My version of a spark is gone. If I can't see it anymore, I wonder how anyone else could.
I miss the healing quality of animals and how they always know when you need them. I am excited to live with the kittens (now very much cats) again when I move.
I miss human touch, I miss human connection.
I am determined to get it all back.
I am done two of my classes for this semester and am feeling the temporary relief of that fact. Someone please remind me of all of this stuff when I'm back to feeling terrible and overwhelmed.
I am listening to the Sweet Water Women's song, Rain and Thunder. It's actually just a great track of a thunder storm, but it holds so much power and energy in it that it's always been therapeutic for me to listen to. I am reminded of being curled up in my parents' place looking out the large kitchen windows at the lightning in the sky. I can practically feel myself huddled up in a big sweater, ready to throw it off and go dancing outside. But the spontaneity is just out of reach.
I think staying at my parents' house this summer will be good for me. I can't necessarily say the same for having to work in Port Hope or Cobourg, but my home there is a truly special and wonderful place, with great energy.
I am going to do a cleanse when I am back there. Yes, THAT cleanse. The six week one that really nearly drove me crazy last year. I've been feeling for a while now the need to get rid of a whole lot of negative stuff that my body is still holding in.
I look at my eyes in the mirror and notice that they've lost their familiar life. My version of a spark is gone. If I can't see it anymore, I wonder how anyone else could.
I miss the healing quality of animals and how they always know when you need them. I am excited to live with the kittens (now very much cats) again when I move.
I miss human touch, I miss human connection.
I am determined to get it all back.
I am done two of my classes for this semester and am feeling the temporary relief of that fact. Someone please remind me of all of this stuff when I'm back to feeling terrible and overwhelmed.