Feeling the extremes
So... this weekend was absolutely wonderful. Becca and Val were here, and it was so much fun running around with them, shopping, showing them the city, meeting some of my friends, although i didnt really feel like calling a lot of people on friday, i mostly wanted to hang out with my girls, so it was kind of an incomplete crowd, and then saturday we were so tired we just stayed in... and getting completely wasted on friday night. we went to the gay club to go dancing, (one of the only places in town worth even thinking about going dancing in) and danced our butts off. Honestly, I don't think that place was ready for us. But then, I dont think my guy friends were ready for those two either.... haha... JR, i hope you had a good night! God, it was good to be around people who love you whether you are bitchy, or smiling or crying or whatever. Even though i was in pretty damn good spirits the whole time, it was nice knowing that even if I had freaked, it would have been okay. There is something comforting about KNOWING you could be at your worst with someone, and it would be alright. And god damn, I miss those kinds of conversations, the ones that really get down to the heart. I have them here, with the boy, with friends, but its different with those two, its like those are the conversations we are having, even when we are in the middle of talking about where we are going to eat. We know each other's histories, where we have been, we have faith in where we are all going. And when I live so far away, its easy to forget that, or at least push it aside, not because I want to, but because it hurts so much some days to not be close to it. God, I dont' mean to sound as if I have no one here that I am close to, or can do that with. Or that they are the only people in this world that I have ever connected like that with... I mean, damn, I miss Holly, Patty, Jamie, Molly like that. I can no longer imagine my current life without my boy in it. My friends here are SO dear to me. But there is just something about someone who's known you for 8+ years, who gets all the jokes, who remembers the guy you had a crush on who wouldnt give you the time of day, who cried for 5 days straight on your shoulder and thought they would die of a broken heart, but believed you when you said they wouldnt. Someone who knows your mood so well, they dont even have to ask, who can just tell.
And I guess that's why I have this empty, lonely, terrible feeling. I've never been good with people leaving, even when I knew they were going to. I've never been good at leaving. And its stupid, cause holly is coming out here next weekend, and tony and mom might be coming too, and we had such a good time. But now I am reminded of the things I left in other places, and I have to wonder if it will always be this way, does the pleasure always bring such pain. I know : The sweet just aint as sweet without the sour....Damn, I miss you people. I miss the ones I never see, and the ones I do.
There is this quiet hollow place I keep inside, that can only be filled by your presence. And I would not give up the joy I know to have you near. And it is all the more painful to empty it again...
The boy is at a big fishing tournament this weekend, he's a bass fisherman for those of you who dont know. so he didnt get to meet the girls, which sucks, but since val is coming out to get me with dad for thanksgiving, she'll get to meet him then. i know theyll dig each other. how could they not. I hope he's catching some big ass bass right now, and wins the tournament. I doubt he'd quit smiling for a week. And what can I say, I like to see him smile. I can't wait til he comes back. I could use a big old hug and a smooch right now....
And I guess that's why I have this empty, lonely, terrible feeling. I've never been good with people leaving, even when I knew they were going to. I've never been good at leaving. And its stupid, cause holly is coming out here next weekend, and tony and mom might be coming too, and we had such a good time. But now I am reminded of the things I left in other places, and I have to wonder if it will always be this way, does the pleasure always bring such pain. I know : The sweet just aint as sweet without the sour....Damn, I miss you people. I miss the ones I never see, and the ones I do.
There is this quiet hollow place I keep inside, that can only be filled by your presence. And I would not give up the joy I know to have you near. And it is all the more painful to empty it again...
The boy is at a big fishing tournament this weekend, he's a bass fisherman for those of you who dont know. so he didnt get to meet the girls, which sucks, but since val is coming out to get me with dad for thanksgiving, she'll get to meet him then. i know theyll dig each other. how could they not. I hope he's catching some big ass bass right now, and wins the tournament. I doubt he'd quit smiling for a week. And what can I say, I like to see him smile. I can't wait til he comes back. I could use a big old hug and a smooch right now....