Reasons never to sell anything...
Backstory: Evy and I have been doing a little slimming down on the stuff that we aren't using around the house. Over the course of the past few weeks my faith in the stupidity and lack of respect of the common man has only been confirmed.
Selling a pair of Razr phones. Evy and I decided to switch to a family plan (insert sound of cuteness here) and get 2 extra lines for her family back in Florida. They're covering the cost of having the extra lines, and it makes it so we don't need as many minutes because with that plan you can talk to any Tmobile phone for free, which is good because they talk more than anyone else I know. None of the Tmobile phones are that special, and while I didn't care what phone I used, Evy particularly likes the Nokia smartphones. Tmobile no longer offers those as sign up incentives. So we decided to get the most popular phone currently, the Motorola Razr, sell those and get phones we actually liked. Sounds simple right? Ha.
I posted it up with a short note on how they were new and explaining that we were selling them to buy phones we liked. Within the first few hours had 7 different emails. None of them panned out. Some people just seemed to email for fun and never responded again, some I talked to on the phone and they wanted to know if it was new, and would ask 4-5 times in a single conversation. It's not like this was on ebay, they could literally come see the phone, and it's quite obvious that it IS new. One guy wanted to know if he had to put down a deposit, others wanted to pay like $125 for a phone that is worth far more than that. I should insert here that I try to be very fair when I sell things, so I find out the going rate and price it accordingly. One guy wanted to know if the price was for both phones. Several guys made appointments to come by and pick them up and then just didn't show. This particularly irks me, when I'm staying at home on the weekend waiting for these asswipes to show up.
Eventually, I wrote out this huge FAQ to go with the ad because I was tired of answering 700 emails that were all the same and essentially were because they didn't READ THE AD. You can see it here. After that, I sold one phone, to a guy that actually managed to *gasp* SHOW UP. Since then though, my emails have petered down a bit, though Sunday a guy wanted the Razr, I talked to him 3 times over the phone answering his questions, he confirmed that he did want it and that he'd be by at X to pick it up. Wait, wait, wait. 2 hours late he calls and confirms my asking price, then asks if he can have it for $225 - $50 less than it's offered at, which he'd already agreed to buy at that price. I say, "No." (Which I must say I'm getting good at.) I then tell him that he knows it's a fair price, because he told me he was going to buy off ebay, but balked at the $30-40 shipping charges they want, and ask him why he's trying to change the price now. He says he only has $225 on him and that it was Sunday. I should note of course that he confirmed he was coming in the evening because he was at a picnic all day. I imagine the Sunday thing was him trying to say he couldn't get more money, but I call those magic machines ATMs. Anywho, he said he'd call back on Monday and buy it at the offered price. I'm not exactly waiting on pins and needles for his call.
Far more interesting are the scammers who have now taken notice of my ad. I'm just going to cut and paste some in here:
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Date: Sat, 13 Aug 2005 08:30:05 -0700 (PDT)
To: "Jane Wilson"
Sorry, I'm not willing to ship it overseas or anywhere, hence the IN
PERSON part of craigslist. Even if I was in Nigeria it would always
be a no. Do you really think I'd fall for your bullshit?
--- Jane Wilson wrote:
>
> Hello,
>
> I am jane wilson,I am ready to buy your Motorola Razr V3 Cell Phone,i
> am from uk but based In nigeria, i have a computer shop..So please
> let me know if it is still for sale.So i can let you know how i am
> going to make your payment.
>
> Waiting to hear from you.
>
> Jane Wilson
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Um... then I got a bit cranky.
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Date: Mon, 15 Aug 2005 11:47:12 -0700 (PDT)
To: "Susan Jones"
Dearest "Susan" aka Ralph aka retarded scammer of the day -
Holy shit. Do you really think I'm going to fall for this? It's not
an auction. It's on craigslist - a LOCAL free advertising service.
This is not for sale through bidpay. It's cash and pick up. So, if
you think you can fly over from Nigera or London or where ever the hell
you're scamming people from to pick it up with cash in United States
denomination bills, you just let me know. Otherwise, fuck off.
PS. Learn English more betterer okay? It's 'would like' not 'will
like.' I should have noticed it with the first email, but you know,
there are lots of locals with shitty grammar as well.
--- Susan Jones wrote:
> Good Afternoon,
> Thanks for your quick respone,I will like to make a quick
> paymeny about this item of yours,I will be making my payment through
> U.S money order at Bidpay and i will offer you $290.00 so you can
> close the auction and i can proceed with the payment of this
> item.About the shipping all will be done by me through my fedex
> account once the payment been approved,i will send you the shipping
> label and invoice you will paste on the package then the fedex
> carrier
> will pick it up from your door step,So get back to me with your full
> name and address so i can contact Bidpay to proceed with the payment
> of this item.Thanks,Hope to hear from you very soon.
On 8/15/05, Vanessa wrote:
Yes, it is still available. The condition is New in Box. It hasn't
even been turned on.
Thanks
Vanessa
> --- Susan Jones wrote:
>
> Hello,
> I will like to know if this item of yours is still available and i
> will also like to know the condition of this item. Get back to me as
> soon as possbile. Thanks...
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Date: Tue, 16 Aug 2005 09:39:55 -0700 (PDT)
To: "Scott Moyes"
Do you really think my command of English is so basic that I would fall
for this? What did you do, go on the web and use other scam emails
posted up to laugh at as a template for this monstrosity? Perhaps the
problem is that you speak a wholly different dialect from my American
English. After all, according to the Brits, we have bastardized the
language; I suppose it is possible that you cannot understand what I'm
saying much as I cannot understand your gibberish. To that end:
Learn English you must; scam then mmmmmm? Indeed phone good is,
auction not. Angry lies you make. Money Gram, Bidpay NO I say. Cash
is pretty, pick up yay! Crying shipping making me sad. Scott Moyes,
you are bad!
Here are some helpful tips that may make your "business" more
successful:
1) Learn to write in English; like the native speakers can. Not by
taking random words and a thesaurus and running them through a crazy
machine. I mean seriously, you use words that most people don't even
use, let alone write in an email.
2) Referrence spellcheck. Good it is.
3) If you know it's on an free ad service, don't call it an auction.
Obvious tip off.
4) Stick with one payment service. You'll send me money through Money
Gram, but then Bidpay will email me about it?
5) Learn the proper way to capitalize FedEx. Do you even know what it
stands for?
6) Realize that choosing an Americanized name such as Scott Moyes
makes your lack of writing skills even more apparent. If you were
using a name that made it obvious that English was not your first
language this would be less suspicious. Still very obvious, as
seriously, it's like a template for scamming, but not quite as bad.
7) Write your own email. This one is pathetic.
8) Normal people DO NOT offer more than the person is asking.
Certainly not $75 MORE.
9) Get a fucking job. People like you are the scum of the earth.
In loving memory of our time together,
Vanessa.
>--- Scott Moyes wrote:
>---------------------------------
> Hello,
> In referrence to you advert on craigslist. I want to let you know that
> I am indeed in need of this item this and I want to make use of this
> opportunity to buy the item from you I will offer you $350 and I will
> send the payment in money order through Money Gram online auction
> payment,and after payment is been paid you will receive a confirmation
> mail from Bidpay about the payment sent.Once you receive the
> confirmation mail get back to me. I will then send to you FeDex
> shipping slip which I have account with fedex courier service and note
> that upon the slip pasted on the item/package there is no shipping cost
> for you. I am waiting for your quick response and hope to have some
> other business with you in nearest future.
> Thanking you and get back to me soon, with the below information so
> that Ican make payment as soon as possible.
> full name,
> address
> so that I can make the payment on time.
> Thanks,
> Scott
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I don't know. I guess it'd be one thing if it was just the phone, but it's not.
I was giving some stuff away for free, and though I didn't have to deal with scammers, it was just as bad. People who said they wanted it that just never showed up; people who would show, but like 3 hours late; etc. One thing I gave away was a 21" monitor. It was old, and not particularly good anymore, but it was still working - probably good as a second monitor or for video, not so much for text. All this of course was in the ad, but for one guy I was on the phone for twenty minutes explaining current condition and how, no I wasn't going to hook it up for him to see, and no I don't have a guarantee on it, and no it doesn't come with other stuff, etc. Eventually I got cranky and told him that it was a free monitor, either he wanted it or not. He didn't.
It took me >7 people to get one who actually came to get a FREE monitor. The guy who finally did? I had to be somewhere when he wanted to pick it up, so I put it out on the porch for him, rolling my ankle in the process as I heaved a 70lb monitor downstairs. We were gone for 3+hrs. Come back, monitor is still there, eat dinner, watch a movie, monitor is still there, get angry about the whole thing and go to bed, monitor is still there, wake up... monitor is gone! I don't even know when he came by, but it was sometime between the hours of 1am - 8am.
We sold one of our arcades; it was a sit-down driving game that wasn't particularly fun. We intended to strip it out and install a console system or computer so that it could play lots of driving games, however, that's a LOT of work, which I'm not exactly short of, and we got it fully working and didn't want to destroy it for that purpose. One guy wanted it enough to drive down from Seattle, and somehow ended up only a block from our house, where he couldn't find the house and apparently couldn't figure out that it wasn't the right street, before giving up and heading back to Seattle. Too bad because he seemed nice.
The guy who eventually did come get it, well, let's just say that Evy and I are not his biggest fans. This thing was huge, and several hundred pounds, so you know, you'd think he'd bring someone to help move it and get it into his truck. Instead he brought 3 of the most spoiled kids I've seen in a while. They were all under 6 or so, and all came in climbing on everything. The first thing one of them did was pull a control clear off a game, pulling the wires out with it. Then they're yanking on stuff and trying to climb to the top of this half wall that's in the room. He seems to be totally oblivious to this and we turn on the machine so he can see that it does indeed work. Then he pulls one of the panels off, making the machine shut down as it's got a deadlock switch back there - high voltage, you don't particularly want to mess with it if you don't know what you're doing. Next thing I know, Evy is trying to tell him to be careful and not poke his hands in around the monitor when it's on. (The monitor has enough energy in it's capacitors and flyback that you CAN kill yourself if you're not careful. - when the machine is off, it's worse if it's on.)
Then I notice that the smallest beast has climbed to the top of a 40" stool where he's precariously perched banging on another machine crying about how it won't come on. Doctor man does nothing. Evy and I get him down, get them chairs to stand on, and turn it on so they can hopefully just stand there out of the way. This doesn't really work of course, there is some banging on that game, but the 3rd kid is kicking the other machines, etc. Meanwhile the "father" hasn't even decided what to do and is instead asking the hellions if they like it and if he should get it. Eventually he decides so, and directs me to take off the glass marquees which I've suggested removal so they don't break during transport. After that, he wants to start moving it, at which point I'm like, um... I'm not moving this thing until we get paid (in nicer terms of course, but you get the idea). He then asks if a check is okay. Evy's like, "No. Cash only." He then gets all offended looking and says, "Come on kids, we have to go to the bank." Kids, "Why?" Him, "They won't take my check!" Wah, wah. He leaves, and Evy and I are partially hoping he doesn't come back, because seriously. In fact she kind of wants to tell him that we just aren't going to sell it to him. We both know that the machine will be broken within the month with those kids and he has no idea how to fix it. Instead we find some cardboard and wrap up the glass pieces so they won't scratch. He comes back and gets all uppity wanting me to count the money in front of him, which I did.
He then wants us to move it ourselves?! I make him take the heavy ends and do most of the lifting, though it is still not easy. Eventually we get it in the truck, after dodging kids and having him complain about how it's heavy. He "straps" it down with one rope and leaves; with Evy watching from the window to see if it was just going to fall off the truck down the street. It almost does, but then he gets going and it's finally gone.
Blah blah blah, more stuff, but I'm tired of typing. Perhaps I'll update this more again later.