My recent experience at a friend's hen's night (US: Bachelorette party) uncovered a whole lot of weird emotions for me and I still can't quite work it out
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I don't like hanging out with non religious or differently frum (ie eat different kashrus, men kiss women hello, go to movies, etc) than me. But then I am thankful that some people who don't watch tv like we do or wear more conservative clothes than me still hang out with us. It's tough. Don't ever feel awkward though. I've had some non religious friends who I grew up with all of a sudden realize that I do cover my hair or that my husband and I have separate beds and they are like Oh! and I just smile proudly. I don't feel weird - I feel special.
That's a good angle to take I reckon. The problem for me is that I hate the feeling of not fitting in. When I was younger, I always used to think that I would make more of an effort to fit in with other people than my mum did, but now I can see it's harder than it seems.
Sometimes I hate not fitting in too. Those feelings ruined quite a bit of my school days. Now I'm getting better, but it is hard. With extra modern or secular Jews though it doesn't bother me for some reason
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Sounds like a good book (the second one). I'll look into it.
I always imagined I would 'rise above' the marry-young-have-lots-of-kids-be-really-machmir- status quo. (That sounds way more harsh than I mean - I really love my community and our values and minhagim).
But.... I thought somehow I would be a little different, while remaining orthodox. I feel like I'm living the same life as my mother, sisters and other in-house friends. That's what bothers me.
You are still your own person. And if you are feeling like you aren't, dive into a new hobby (you know when pregnancy isn't knocking you off your feet all the time). I probably can't really understand because I'm a "rebel" by being religious and I wish my parents valued Torah learning, large families, and had a shomer/kosher home I could visit on holidays. But just because you are young, married, and pregnant doesn't mean the life you imagined is over. It is just beginning. Make it work!
Thanks so much for those comments. I've been thinking about them a lot this afternoon because somehow I have got in my head that my life is slipping into the same-old (and that I'm gonna be no different to my mother), but it really struck me today that I need to get a new perspective and be a lot more grateful for my lot in life :) I know I need a new hobby so I will definitely get onto that. Thanks again, what you said was really onto it and so kind that you took the time.
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I always imagined I would 'rise above' the marry-young-have-lots-of-kids-be-really-machmir- status quo. (That sounds way more harsh than I mean - I really love my community and our values and minhagim).
But.... I thought somehow I would be a little different, while remaining orthodox. I feel like I'm living the same life as my mother, sisters and other in-house friends. That's what bothers me.
Reply
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I know I need a new hobby so I will definitely get onto that.
Thanks again, what you said was really onto it and so kind that you took the time.
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