[Alex/Ravi] - night out
Who:
Alexander
Ravindra
When: Wednesday, November 23rd
Where: The Fox'n'Crown
Rating & Warnings: PG for some swearing
This log is kind of all over the place. Ravi mentions following Amelia to Siam, Alex has a vampire sensory overload, and Ravi makes a now-or-never decision.
It was really fucking nice to be in a place jam-packed full of people because that meant more body heat, more warmth and less cold -- even if the body heat didn't so much to warm him up now. It was nostalgia that made Alex a happy camper to be inside the Fox'n'Crown instead of outside, in the white and grey streets of the city. Pretty, yes, but also bitterly cold.
He'd snagged a table off to the side of the room, decreasing the chances of an unruly pair or three of crashing into him by half. His chair was propped back, balancing its last two legs as his were resting on the top of the second chair. Alex was pleasantly busy taking turns watching the other patrons, watching for Ravi to appear in the door so he might flag him over, and taking a drink from his spiced rum, which did a fine job of warming him up. Ah, if only he could take something back for Rayna. Winter drinks were the best.
For Ravi, walking into a crowded tavern made him feel tense and skittish, not content. While it set Alex at ease and reminded him of good times, it set Ravi on edge and made him aware of just how many eyes were watching him at any given time.
He spotted Alex quickly and made his way to the table, trying not to look as nervous as he felt. He also tried to resist the urge to adjust his scarf as he sat down. The weather was such that the attire was nothing strange now; if he didn't touch it, Alex could think he only wore it because of the weather, instead of to hide the scars.
He'd come in regular attire and the coat Ravi had gifted him with, though that was currently balled up on the side of the table. It was more for show and out of habit, anyway.
"Dosta!" he greeted with cheer, removing his legs from the chair so Ravi could sit. "Don't look so glum! The drinks here are excellent." To prove it, he rose his glass to Ravi's face, an offer. "Try it!"
"--Ah." Well, okay, admittedly that got something like a smile from him, as he took the proffered glass from Alex. Where did Alex even get all that energy? The cheer, he had to admit, was infectious--at least coming from him. On anybody else, it only would've made him feel worse.
He took a sip of the drink. It was impressively good, though he didn't voice his opinion. He didn't need to; it crossed his face instead. Instead of returning the drink, he casually set it down in front of himself and acted like there was nothing out of place about that. "What made you choose this place?" he asked.
Ravi's approval made him burst into a grin. He didn't mind that his drink had been stolen from him -- he'd already finished more than half of it and it showed in the light pink tint across his cheeks. "The barkeep advertised on the ledgers. Mulled wine, cider and spiced rum--" He extended his arms, emphasizing the grandness of the selection. "How could I not?"
With one of those arms, he flagged down a waitress and ordered two more of the same. Then he returned his attention back to Ravi, resting an elbow on the edge of the table. "I met a pooka the other night."
Ah, the ledgers. Of course. He used them so rarely these days. He would have ignored the advertising anyway, even if he had seen it. Ravi going to new places of his own volition, ha ha ha, that's funny.
Alex's comment caught him in the middle of another sip of the drink, and he paused, a confused look crossing his face as he set the glass down and swallowed what was in his mouth. "A what?"
"A pooka." Another grin. "Some kind of shapeshifter. She lives at the estate. First she was a rabbit, then a dog. Golden eyes, like Rei." It didn't cross his mind that Ravi wouldn't know who Rei was. "I think I missed out on the 'golden eyes' bit."
Rei...? But Ravi was used to people who just kept plowing straight through a thought without pausing to keep you caught up. Amelia and Alex had that in common. Ravi just assumed it was a friend and that the details weren't all that important.
He cocked his head, looking at Alex's eyes. A gorgeous blue that he could not imagine being any other colour. "Gold eyes would not suit you," he said. And, to avoid letting Alex linger on that and dissect it for what it was, continued, "Why does the Evandros estate keep a shapeshifter?"
"Mm," he murmured in agreement. He liked his eyes. As beautiful as they were, golden eyes were obviously inhuman. The color would make what he was stand out more.
The waitress returned, setting two glasses of spiced rum down between them. Alex cupped his glass, letting the warmth diffuse into his lukewarm skin. "She's one of the little lady's friends." He paused to gently blow the steam off of the surface of the drink, then took a sip. "Free food, room, safety-- she's not stupid," he said, smiling.
"I see." He finished off the rest of what he'd stolen from Alex and slid the new glass over to himself. He didn't start drinking it just yet, though. "They seem like a very...unique family." And talking about them was actually a little uncomfortable, you know, considering that their eldest son had been arrested for murdering dozens of people in cold blood and then had escaped, and Ravi was a member of the group that was supposed to deal with that.
"Any family who accepts what's supposed to be a monster so readily as a position to guard their safety is 'unique,' " he said, shaking his head.
Don't say anything about the eldest son, Ravi, don't say it don't say it DO NOT. Having a monster as a guard can't be any worse than having a monster as a son
He managed to keep his mouth shut, covered for the need for a response by taking a gulp of his new drink, and tried to think up something else to talk about. When he set the drink down, he paused for a moment, then said, "I have been thinking, lately. About things in this city."
Alex leaned back into his chair, holding up a hand. "Do I need to order another round for this?" 'Things in this city' was such a loaded topic. If he set aside the time to seriously think about it, it only ended in frustration, which is why he steered clear of doing that.
"Ah...maybe," he answered with a half-shrug, glancing away. One hand came up to the side of his neck, just a standard nervous motion. It wasn't the side Alex had bitten. "I have been thinking that this city is maybe a bad place for me to be right now."
He looked down at his glass, unimpressed. "When hasn't it been?" he asked, mostly in jest. "You'd be happier in a hole on a mountain." Another sip, this one more deeper, and the glass was set down with a small clack against the wood of the table. "Some goats, a staff, one of those huge herding dogs..." He looked up Ravi, the corner of his mouth curving upward into boyish smile.
He shrugged, echoing the smile, deferring to the truth of that statement. "No dog, though. Several cats."
But the smile faded with a sigh as he leaned forward, folding his arms over the table, staring down at the wood. "I am thinking...of going to find Amelia."
Cats can't herd, was his reply, but then Ravi leaned in and his following words took precedence over stating the obvious. His lips fell and parted, his expression one of mild surprise. "In Siam?"
He nodded. He didn't speak Siamese, but he'd pick up the language quickly. He'd always had a knack for languages. The only problem was...well, being alone in a country where he didn't speak the language and not knowing where to find his goddaughter. That thought alone was pretty crippling and made him just want to call the whole thing off. But recent events in Tyrol had left him knowing he couldn't stay in the city, and where else was there for him to go?
"But... I don't want to go alone." It came out softly, and it was a sentiment that Alex should have been familiar with. Ravi was always shy about going to new places alone, or talking to new people by himself, or whatever--having a friend with him always made whatever he was doing easier, and for most of his young-adult years, Alex had been that friend.
Alex had looked down again after the nod of affirmation, gazing into the dark liquid. Ravi was leaving, for Amelia. Ravi was leaving, just like Amelia.
For a second, he wondered if it was a personal failure on his part that the two surviving people most precious to him in the city were going somewhere he couldn't follow.
Then he didn't have to wonder. It was. Amelia had left with Niran because she hadn't trusted Alex as her father, hadn't seen him in that role. If he had told her sooner, would it have made a difference? He'd never know. If he hadn't lost himself to thirst and turned on Ravi, would he choose to stick it out here?
The pad of his index finger dragged against the lip of the glass, slow and deliberate. "I wish I could go with you," he said, equally soft. His finger raised off of the glass, then settled on the side. He threw his head back, downing the remainder of the rum. When he set the empty glass down, it was with a hunch to his shoulders, unhappiness unfiltered due to the alcohol being absorbed directly into his blood.
He stared at the glass for a few seconds, then lifted his sullen gaze to Ravi. "What's going to happen to Missy?" He wasn't really concerned with the cat, it was just a question with little significance to him that popped out.
His face fell as he looked up at Alex. "You can't?" He hadn't even considered the possibility of Alex not being able to come. That alone almost completely ruined the idea, and pointing out the logistical problems with his cat only further ruined it.
His gaze fell away, dejected. "Well, it was only an idea." He wasn't considering it anymore. He'd been stupid to think it was a good idea in the first place.
He looked down at his glass again, frowning. It wasn't a bad idea. At least Alex knew he could trust Ravi with the safety of his daughter. Maybe it would even be good for him? To get away from the job he'd come to dislike, even if it meant having to stick his head out into the unknown. He'd have a mission. Ravi was good once he set his mind to something, it was just getting him to take the first step that was the hardest.
Alex would miss him, though. Despite being the one setting up a barrier between them, restricting their visits, he never thought it as permanent, or as heavy as going all the way to another country.
"I think it's...a good idea," he said finally, breaking the silence. His tone contradicted his words, but he tried to sound neutral. It didn't work. He was tipsy and it showed.
"Ah, but--" He paused, his eyes returning to Alex's face. He didn't want to go alone, that was the deciding factor. And if Alex couldn't come with him, who else would? And...well, he didn't want to leave Alex.
After a moment's silence, he straightened and asked, "Why can't you go?"
His fingers spread. "Rayna's still so inexperienced. I need to be with her until she can take care of herself," he said, some of his words blending into the next.
It was partially Alex that didn't want to leave her -- and Alex himself that wouldn't feel right in abandoning Rayna before she could fly, so to speak -- but the undercurrent, the dominant factor belonged to the bond he'd forged between them. It was the vampire that couldn't, wouldn't leave his own behind.
Not even for his dearest friend.
His brow furrowed, his confusion obvious. Wasn't Rayna a grown woman? She had a husband, at least, and the entire Evandros family to fall back on. What help did she need from Alex? What was so important that Alex would abandon his best friend for her?
Of course that was when the tiny voice in the back of his mind started whispering that Alex had replaced Catherine and Ravi would be forgotten for a new love. He tried to ignore it. "What do you mean?" he asked.
"She's mine," he said, vocalizing the primal feeling for the first time. "I made her."
Wait, that wasn't his secret to tell. He hunched forward, dropping his face in his hands with a low groan. He'd been so good at not saying anything about it, though it's not like he had many people to tell. "Don't repeat," he mumbled. Alex rubbed his eyes, then lifted his head enough to look straight at Ravi. "She was gonna leave them behind."
"Ah--..." Nope, that was panic, don't do that, Ravi, calm down. There was something he was missing, here. This couldn't be as simple as Alex having found another woman; what he said was off if that was all he meant. "I won't...tell anyone," he said, quiet, a little breathless. He noticed and forced himself to breathe properly again. "But..." It was difficult to admit when he was missing something, but a little easier when it was Alex. "I don't know what you are saying."
Alex sighed, long and dramatic, dropping his face into his palms again, and then onto the table. This drunken melodrama had often made him the butt of jokes. "I turned her," he said, but his voice was muffled against the table.
"Into what?"
Yeah, so, vampires as such still did not exist in Hindu mythology, and Ravi was woefully uninformed about them. And while Alex got melodramatic when he drank, Ravi got less sharp.
Alex lifted his chin onto the table, giving Ravi the stink eye. "What d'you think?" He curled all but his index and middle finger, tapping the two against the table twice. "Me."
Ravi was pretty obviously put-off by the look Alex gave him. It wasn't his fault Alex was being incredibly vague! In fact, Ravi was offended by the implication of blame for not getting it.
But thankfully that offense was offset by further confusion. "But you are--" Oh wait maybe that wasn't literal and he meant making her LIKE him and not ACTUALLY him. "...Oh," he realized. And then a pause as it sank in. "...Oh. I did not even know you could make other people into va--"
What came out of his mouth was not words but a flurry of vowels and consonants that was supposed to say, "Shut up!" It was accompanied by a swift kick to Ravi's shin, and then a cut-it-out hand motion under his chin. All told it was much more suspicious than saying the word itself, but of course Alex wasn't aware of that, working only on impulse.
He recoiled with a wince, followed by an incredulous, angry glare back at Alex once the pain faded enough for him to comprehend what had just happened. "What the fuck!" he exclaimed, very loudly, except it was in Hindi and not English.
Alex had heard it so many times he knew what Ravi was saying without Ravi having ever explained it to him. He rose an inch off his seat, repeating the cut motion again, this time more dramatically. "Shut up!" he hissed sharply.
"Fine!" He folded his arms, still glaring, and leaned back in his chair. He was shutting up, okay, JEEZ. You didn't have to be an ASSHOLE about it, Alex!
He glared at him for another half-second, then slouched back into his chair. Now he was mumbly grumpy. He didn't even think to look around for anyone who had tuned in on them, though the chances were few -- each table had their own society. Who cared about the others?
Eventually, he crossed his arms over his chest and said, "S'why I can't."
Ravi sighed, letting his arms fall apart to lay over the table. So Alex couldn't go because he had to take care of somebody who had only recently become a vampire. That was important enough, sure. Maybe it was something like adopting a child? Having to care for a new daughter? That was a feeling Ravi could understand.
Still, he was selfish, and he wished Alex could go with him, and he was not keen on leaving without Alex at his side. He set his jaw in his hand, giving Alex a soulful look. "I don't want to go if you can't come."
"She'd be happier t'see you than me," he muttered, eyes downcast and completely oblivious to Ravi's look. Then he looked up, and he was still oblivious to it. "You'd be happier, too. You should go, Vin. Just come back." With Amelia, too, of course, but that was so obvious he didn't feel the need to say it.
His eyebrows rose ever so slightly. It was true that Amelia would be happier to see Ravi than Alex, the man who'd raised her versus the father she barely knew, but Ravi would be happier with Alex along than anyone else. "I would miss you as badly as I miss her," he said.
"S'why you come back," he replied, the corner of his mouth twitching. "What's a month or two, eh?" His eyes wandered away from Ravi, scanning unfamiliar figures, absently sizing them up. "In the face of seventeen years."
He frowned. "A month or two is less time than the trip will take. If I am gone, it will be a year or more." Still, a single in the face of seventeen was not that long, but so soon after finally getting Alex back? It would hurt, even if he did find Amelia quickly.
Oh, a year? He looked back at Ravi, brows up in murky surprise. "So--" Wait. A year or more... to Siam... "She's not even there yet?" he asked, baffled.
He paused to think it over, chin in his hand as his eyes narrowed and drifted ceiling-ward while he did the calculations. He knew an awful fucking lot about trade routes and travel times, but admittedly sea travel was not the one he had personal experience with. Iravati talked about it a lot, though. "No, probably she is," he said finally, straightening and looking to Alex, lowering his arm to the table. "A month and a half, about, sailing straight to Siam, I think."
Okay, that made more sense. How would Ravi have found her if she was still en route? His eyes drifted back to the rest of the tavern. "Bet you'd make it there faster on Neel," he said, propping his chin in his palm. "Warmer, too."
"Don't be--" He stopped. Actually, that wasn't a bad idea. He folded his arms, leaning back in his chair, with a distracted sort of slowness to the motion. His eyes returned to Alex after spending a moment out of focus, and he said, "A silly idea."
But maybe Indraneel would want to go...
"Nah," he replied, dismissing Ravi's dismissal just as easily as he'd dismissed him. "Bet he'd like to go somewhere else." Indraneel was such a good camper, but even he was beginning to show wear and tear from the city.
It was probably a good thing Innana's was so close. All the women were there, keeping their patrons warm, instead of in the tavern, where they'd only serve to give Alex a sensory overload. Human was human, male or female, but...
Correction: most of the women were at Innana's.
And damn, he was just lonely.
"Maybe," he relented. "I will ask." He had a feeling Indraneel would be open to the idea, and that would be somebody to go with... Not somebody he knew well enough to be very comfortable around, though, sadly. Maybe he could ask Damica? She'd think it was a stupid idea, augh. She would never pack up everything to head to Siam with him. He'd ask anyway though, or just let her know. She deserved to know, at least. He picked up his glass to drain the rest of it while he considered the possibilities.
Ravi's response was noise at best -- in the face of a rising thirst and loosening inhibition, a sound without meaning. Alex was focused on a woman three tables away, healthy and bright.
Healthy.
He shrunk back into his chair, lifting a hand to cover his mouth. It looked as if he was about to be sick on the floor, but it wasn't nausea from drinking that caused it, but the shreds of self-restraint that kept his other side from correcting the fact that he wasn't drinking that which it craved the most. Saliva leaking from the corner of his mouth crept into the crevices of his fingers. Tearing his eyes away from her felt like the most grueling thing he'd ever done.
Alex didn't want to see Ravi's face, his expression, or anything of his. He squeezed his eyes shut, stubbornly riding out the thirst.
He'd ruined him. He'd ruined himself.
Ravi's danger sense had been broken around Alex ever since he'd been bitten. At first it was too sensitive, sending him into a flight of panic at the smallest indication. Then they'd fought, and Alex had walked out because of it, and he'd forced it to break the other way, so that now he convinced himself not to be afraid because he was most certainly being overcautious and Alex would get angry.
So, when he saw Alex's odd behaviour, the intense gaze, the look like he was going to be sick, it was concern that Ravi reacted with, instead of the fear response that may actually have been warranted in this case. "Alex? Are you all right?" he asked, leaning across the table to reach out to him.
The brush of fingertips on his arm elicited an almost violent and clumsy response, Alex swatting his hand away immediately. Through clenched teeth he managed to grit out a, "Stop," and to whom it was directed at, Ravi or himself, one couldn't say for certain.
Ravi drew his hand back, confused, concerned, and watched Alex, not knowing what to think. His eyes darted over the other patrons. There were only a few watching, but to him it felt like the entire room was focused on them and Ravi just wanted Alex to stop drawing their attention. "What is wrong?" he asked, in a low voice, hoping nobody was listening in but feeling like everyone was.
Inhuman, inhuman, inhuman. His inhumanity. He was wrong. Alex was wrong. He was wrong only because the population of greater number said he was wrong. Illogical. There were more prey animals than humans, yet still humans decided what was and wasn't acceptable to eat.
He didn't have to kill anyone for it.
His muscles relaxed. He inhaled deeply through his nose, then lifted his head up. "Something...wasn't agreeing with me," said Alex, smiling wanly at him. He lowered his hand to his thigh, rubbing his saliva off onto his pants. "Sorry. It's passed."
That was about it for this night out, though. He needed to go somewhere secluded, away from living, breathing target marks. "Let's go."
Ravi threw another glance around the tavern, still feeling like they were the center of attention. He set his hands on the table and carefully pushed himself to his feet, turning his eyes back to Alex. "Alright," he said. It was a relief, to leave instead of being forced to stay when things had suddenly become inexplicably awkward.
He wasn't sure he trusted Alex's explanation. There was something he wasn't saying. But Ravi felt it would be a terrible idea to pry. He waited for Alex to lead the way to the door, saying nothing.
Alex rose slowly, dragging his coat with him, yet still his body swayed. Having a lower tolerance as a vampire was insult to injury. If he focused solely on walking one path, he could do it with minimal unintentional collisions. He did just that, out of the Fox'n'Crown and into the cold street.
His lips curled in distaste, unhappy with having left the warmness of the tavern. The bitter cold air slapped him in the face, and perhaps the only good thing about it was how it left him a little more aware, a little more alert. What he wanted to do was throw his arm around Ravindra's shoulders and lean on him, gleefully becoming dead weight, but he absolutely could not afford the risk now. Instead, he stopped a few meters away from the tavern and shook out the folds of his coat before slipping it on.
"We part ways here," he was saying, as he drew the laces over his torso tight. He didn't want to tell Ravi that he'd been craving human blood ever since that night. Ravi would become afraid of him again, and Alex didn't want to lose him like that. He wanted Ravi to go to Siam to find Amelia. He also wanted Ravi to go somewhere, anywhere away from Tyrol so that he wouldn't be here to witness Alex relenting to what he was.
Because he couldn't ignore it anymore. Tonight was as good an indication as any that if he didn't reconcile who he was with what he was, what he was would conquer who he was.
He didn't want to. He didn't want to walk away and leave Alex to find his own way home, swaying like that. But something was wrong and Alex wasn't telling him what, and Ravi didn't want to press. It would only start a fight at this point, he felt, and he'd like to avoid that.
He folded his arms, looking down, then raising his eyes to Alex's face. His brow furrowed. For a second he considered that this may be their last encounter face-to-face, if Ravi did decide to leave. (Who was he even kidding, he would definitely leave as soon as he found someone to come with him.) They'd spoken of Ravi returning, but he couldn't be certain Alex would be here when he did. It was a thought that made his chest tighten.
It could be his last chance to confess anything, to kiss him like he'd longed to for years.
His anxiety wanted him to just walk away and pretend everything was fine, told him they'd see each other again and it would be stupid to do anything right now. But he knew different. Tyrol was volatile. There was no guarantee at all. There wasn't even any guarantee that Ravi would be able to come back.
It was now or never.
Ravi took a deep breath and strode up to Alex, interrupting him as he laced up his coat to put a hand on the back of his neck and pull him down into a kiss.
The unexpected pressure of being pulled down caused him to stumble forward a half-step. There were wet lips on his, warm and inviting, and he was so starved for intimacy that he automatically began to respond, deepening the kiss. His hands found rest just below Ravi's shoulders, and it was then that he realized the arms he was touching were not that of a woman.
Who had been near him but Ravindra?
Realization dawned slowly on him, but when it did, it did. His eyes flew wide open, as did his almost-embrace, with a heavy gasp of breath as he jerked his head away. He'd taken a step backward, but it had been met with the pressure of Ravi's hand on his neck. It didn't stop him from trying to take another step back, bewilderment in his every move.
He'd kissed back. For that brief moment, Ravi was happy. Elated, even. It was the best thing to happen in his life since--since finding out Alex had come back.
When Alex broke it, pulling back, Ravi let him go, staring up at him, breathless.
Then the reality of what he'd done sank in, bringing with it a crushing sense of shame and embarrassment and regret. He looked away, taking a step back, fidgeting with the trailing end of his scarf. Those nervous actions that he usually suppressed but just couldn't right now.
"G--" He cleared his throat, tried again. "Good night." He turned to leave, hesitated, almost turning back, and then ran.
There was absolutely no brainpower left in him to make sense of what had just happened. He stared at Ravi's retreating figure with one shoulder lower than the other, his expression perplexed. He was long gone when Alex took a step forward, and then another, and finally began some semblance of a normal walk. If he weren't so blank, he'd be thankful that the cold meant less people for him to sway into, and he'd also realize that the shock of Ravi kissing him had utterly obliterated any lingering desires to feed on a person, but he was very, totally blank sans one thought:
What the flying fuck?
Alexander
Ravindra
When: Wednesday, November 23rd
Where: The Fox'n'Crown
Rating & Warnings: PG for some swearing
This log is kind of all over the place. Ravi mentions following Amelia to Siam, Alex has a vampire sensory overload, and Ravi makes a now-or-never decision.
It was really fucking nice to be in a place jam-packed full of people because that meant more body heat, more warmth and less cold -- even if the body heat didn't so much to warm him up now. It was nostalgia that made Alex a happy camper to be inside the Fox'n'Crown instead of outside, in the white and grey streets of the city. Pretty, yes, but also bitterly cold.
He'd snagged a table off to the side of the room, decreasing the chances of an unruly pair or three of crashing into him by half. His chair was propped back, balancing its last two legs as his were resting on the top of the second chair. Alex was pleasantly busy taking turns watching the other patrons, watching for Ravi to appear in the door so he might flag him over, and taking a drink from his spiced rum, which did a fine job of warming him up. Ah, if only he could take something back for Rayna. Winter drinks were the best.
For Ravi, walking into a crowded tavern made him feel tense and skittish, not content. While it set Alex at ease and reminded him of good times, it set Ravi on edge and made him aware of just how many eyes were watching him at any given time.
He spotted Alex quickly and made his way to the table, trying not to look as nervous as he felt. He also tried to resist the urge to adjust his scarf as he sat down. The weather was such that the attire was nothing strange now; if he didn't touch it, Alex could think he only wore it because of the weather, instead of to hide the scars.
He'd come in regular attire and the coat Ravi had gifted him with, though that was currently balled up on the side of the table. It was more for show and out of habit, anyway.
"Dosta!" he greeted with cheer, removing his legs from the chair so Ravi could sit. "Don't look so glum! The drinks here are excellent." To prove it, he rose his glass to Ravi's face, an offer. "Try it!"
"--Ah." Well, okay, admittedly that got something like a smile from him, as he took the proffered glass from Alex. Where did Alex even get all that energy? The cheer, he had to admit, was infectious--at least coming from him. On anybody else, it only would've made him feel worse.
He took a sip of the drink. It was impressively good, though he didn't voice his opinion. He didn't need to; it crossed his face instead. Instead of returning the drink, he casually set it down in front of himself and acted like there was nothing out of place about that. "What made you choose this place?" he asked.
Ravi's approval made him burst into a grin. He didn't mind that his drink had been stolen from him -- he'd already finished more than half of it and it showed in the light pink tint across his cheeks. "The barkeep advertised on the ledgers. Mulled wine, cider and spiced rum--" He extended his arms, emphasizing the grandness of the selection. "How could I not?"
With one of those arms, he flagged down a waitress and ordered two more of the same. Then he returned his attention back to Ravi, resting an elbow on the edge of the table. "I met a pooka the other night."
Ah, the ledgers. Of course. He used them so rarely these days. He would have ignored the advertising anyway, even if he had seen it. Ravi going to new places of his own volition, ha ha ha, that's funny.
Alex's comment caught him in the middle of another sip of the drink, and he paused, a confused look crossing his face as he set the glass down and swallowed what was in his mouth. "A what?"
"A pooka." Another grin. "Some kind of shapeshifter. She lives at the estate. First she was a rabbit, then a dog. Golden eyes, like Rei." It didn't cross his mind that Ravi wouldn't know who Rei was. "I think I missed out on the 'golden eyes' bit."
Rei...? But Ravi was used to people who just kept plowing straight through a thought without pausing to keep you caught up. Amelia and Alex had that in common. Ravi just assumed it was a friend and that the details weren't all that important.
He cocked his head, looking at Alex's eyes. A gorgeous blue that he could not imagine being any other colour. "Gold eyes would not suit you," he said. And, to avoid letting Alex linger on that and dissect it for what it was, continued, "Why does the Evandros estate keep a shapeshifter?"
"Mm," he murmured in agreement. He liked his eyes. As beautiful as they were, golden eyes were obviously inhuman. The color would make what he was stand out more.
The waitress returned, setting two glasses of spiced rum down between them. Alex cupped his glass, letting the warmth diffuse into his lukewarm skin. "She's one of the little lady's friends." He paused to gently blow the steam off of the surface of the drink, then took a sip. "Free food, room, safety-- she's not stupid," he said, smiling.
"I see." He finished off the rest of what he'd stolen from Alex and slid the new glass over to himself. He didn't start drinking it just yet, though. "They seem like a very...unique family." And talking about them was actually a little uncomfortable, you know, considering that their eldest son had been arrested for murdering dozens of people in cold blood and then had escaped, and Ravi was a member of the group that was supposed to deal with that.
"Any family who accepts what's supposed to be a monster so readily as a position to guard their safety is 'unique,' " he said, shaking his head.
Don't say anything about the eldest son, Ravi, don't say it don't say it DO NOT. Having a monster as a guard can't be any worse than having a monster as a son
He managed to keep his mouth shut, covered for the need for a response by taking a gulp of his new drink, and tried to think up something else to talk about. When he set the drink down, he paused for a moment, then said, "I have been thinking, lately. About things in this city."
Alex leaned back into his chair, holding up a hand. "Do I need to order another round for this?" 'Things in this city' was such a loaded topic. If he set aside the time to seriously think about it, it only ended in frustration, which is why he steered clear of doing that.
"Ah...maybe," he answered with a half-shrug, glancing away. One hand came up to the side of his neck, just a standard nervous motion. It wasn't the side Alex had bitten. "I have been thinking that this city is maybe a bad place for me to be right now."
He looked down at his glass, unimpressed. "When hasn't it been?" he asked, mostly in jest. "You'd be happier in a hole on a mountain." Another sip, this one more deeper, and the glass was set down with a small clack against the wood of the table. "Some goats, a staff, one of those huge herding dogs..." He looked up Ravi, the corner of his mouth curving upward into boyish smile.
He shrugged, echoing the smile, deferring to the truth of that statement. "No dog, though. Several cats."
But the smile faded with a sigh as he leaned forward, folding his arms over the table, staring down at the wood. "I am thinking...of going to find Amelia."
Cats can't herd, was his reply, but then Ravi leaned in and his following words took precedence over stating the obvious. His lips fell and parted, his expression one of mild surprise. "In Siam?"
He nodded. He didn't speak Siamese, but he'd pick up the language quickly. He'd always had a knack for languages. The only problem was...well, being alone in a country where he didn't speak the language and not knowing where to find his goddaughter. That thought alone was pretty crippling and made him just want to call the whole thing off. But recent events in Tyrol had left him knowing he couldn't stay in the city, and where else was there for him to go?
"But... I don't want to go alone." It came out softly, and it was a sentiment that Alex should have been familiar with. Ravi was always shy about going to new places alone, or talking to new people by himself, or whatever--having a friend with him always made whatever he was doing easier, and for most of his young-adult years, Alex had been that friend.
Alex had looked down again after the nod of affirmation, gazing into the dark liquid. Ravi was leaving, for Amelia. Ravi was leaving, just like Amelia.
For a second, he wondered if it was a personal failure on his part that the two surviving people most precious to him in the city were going somewhere he couldn't follow.
Then he didn't have to wonder. It was. Amelia had left with Niran because she hadn't trusted Alex as her father, hadn't seen him in that role. If he had told her sooner, would it have made a difference? He'd never know. If he hadn't lost himself to thirst and turned on Ravi, would he choose to stick it out here?
The pad of his index finger dragged against the lip of the glass, slow and deliberate. "I wish I could go with you," he said, equally soft. His finger raised off of the glass, then settled on the side. He threw his head back, downing the remainder of the rum. When he set the empty glass down, it was with a hunch to his shoulders, unhappiness unfiltered due to the alcohol being absorbed directly into his blood.
He stared at the glass for a few seconds, then lifted his sullen gaze to Ravi. "What's going to happen to Missy?" He wasn't really concerned with the cat, it was just a question with little significance to him that popped out.
His face fell as he looked up at Alex. "You can't?" He hadn't even considered the possibility of Alex not being able to come. That alone almost completely ruined the idea, and pointing out the logistical problems with his cat only further ruined it.
His gaze fell away, dejected. "Well, it was only an idea." He wasn't considering it anymore. He'd been stupid to think it was a good idea in the first place.
He looked down at his glass again, frowning. It wasn't a bad idea. At least Alex knew he could trust Ravi with the safety of his daughter. Maybe it would even be good for him? To get away from the job he'd come to dislike, even if it meant having to stick his head out into the unknown. He'd have a mission. Ravi was good once he set his mind to something, it was just getting him to take the first step that was the hardest.
Alex would miss him, though. Despite being the one setting up a barrier between them, restricting their visits, he never thought it as permanent, or as heavy as going all the way to another country.
"I think it's...a good idea," he said finally, breaking the silence. His tone contradicted his words, but he tried to sound neutral. It didn't work. He was tipsy and it showed.
"Ah, but--" He paused, his eyes returning to Alex's face. He didn't want to go alone, that was the deciding factor. And if Alex couldn't come with him, who else would? And...well, he didn't want to leave Alex.
After a moment's silence, he straightened and asked, "Why can't you go?"
His fingers spread. "Rayna's still so inexperienced. I need to be with her until she can take care of herself," he said, some of his words blending into the next.
It was partially Alex that didn't want to leave her -- and Alex himself that wouldn't feel right in abandoning Rayna before she could fly, so to speak -- but the undercurrent, the dominant factor belonged to the bond he'd forged between them. It was the vampire that couldn't, wouldn't leave his own behind.
Not even for his dearest friend.
His brow furrowed, his confusion obvious. Wasn't Rayna a grown woman? She had a husband, at least, and the entire Evandros family to fall back on. What help did she need from Alex? What was so important that Alex would abandon his best friend for her?
Of course that was when the tiny voice in the back of his mind started whispering that Alex had replaced Catherine and Ravi would be forgotten for a new love. He tried to ignore it. "What do you mean?" he asked.
"She's mine," he said, vocalizing the primal feeling for the first time. "I made her."
Wait, that wasn't his secret to tell. He hunched forward, dropping his face in his hands with a low groan. He'd been so good at not saying anything about it, though it's not like he had many people to tell. "Don't repeat," he mumbled. Alex rubbed his eyes, then lifted his head enough to look straight at Ravi. "She was gonna leave them behind."
"Ah--..." Nope, that was panic, don't do that, Ravi, calm down. There was something he was missing, here. This couldn't be as simple as Alex having found another woman; what he said was off if that was all he meant. "I won't...tell anyone," he said, quiet, a little breathless. He noticed and forced himself to breathe properly again. "But..." It was difficult to admit when he was missing something, but a little easier when it was Alex. "I don't know what you are saying."
Alex sighed, long and dramatic, dropping his face into his palms again, and then onto the table. This drunken melodrama had often made him the butt of jokes. "I turned her," he said, but his voice was muffled against the table.
"Into what?"
Yeah, so, vampires as such still did not exist in Hindu mythology, and Ravi was woefully uninformed about them. And while Alex got melodramatic when he drank, Ravi got less sharp.
Alex lifted his chin onto the table, giving Ravi the stink eye. "What d'you think?" He curled all but his index and middle finger, tapping the two against the table twice. "Me."
Ravi was pretty obviously put-off by the look Alex gave him. It wasn't his fault Alex was being incredibly vague! In fact, Ravi was offended by the implication of blame for not getting it.
But thankfully that offense was offset by further confusion. "But you are--" Oh wait maybe that wasn't literal and he meant making her LIKE him and not ACTUALLY him. "...Oh," he realized. And then a pause as it sank in. "...Oh. I did not even know you could make other people into va--"
What came out of his mouth was not words but a flurry of vowels and consonants that was supposed to say, "Shut up!" It was accompanied by a swift kick to Ravi's shin, and then a cut-it-out hand motion under his chin. All told it was much more suspicious than saying the word itself, but of course Alex wasn't aware of that, working only on impulse.
He recoiled with a wince, followed by an incredulous, angry glare back at Alex once the pain faded enough for him to comprehend what had just happened. "What the fuck!" he exclaimed, very loudly, except it was in Hindi and not English.
Alex had heard it so many times he knew what Ravi was saying without Ravi having ever explained it to him. He rose an inch off his seat, repeating the cut motion again, this time more dramatically. "Shut up!" he hissed sharply.
"Fine!" He folded his arms, still glaring, and leaned back in his chair. He was shutting up, okay, JEEZ. You didn't have to be an ASSHOLE about it, Alex!
He glared at him for another half-second, then slouched back into his chair. Now he was mumbly grumpy. He didn't even think to look around for anyone who had tuned in on them, though the chances were few -- each table had their own society. Who cared about the others?
Eventually, he crossed his arms over his chest and said, "S'why I can't."
Ravi sighed, letting his arms fall apart to lay over the table. So Alex couldn't go because he had to take care of somebody who had only recently become a vampire. That was important enough, sure. Maybe it was something like adopting a child? Having to care for a new daughter? That was a feeling Ravi could understand.
Still, he was selfish, and he wished Alex could go with him, and he was not keen on leaving without Alex at his side. He set his jaw in his hand, giving Alex a soulful look. "I don't want to go if you can't come."
"She'd be happier t'see you than me," he muttered, eyes downcast and completely oblivious to Ravi's look. Then he looked up, and he was still oblivious to it. "You'd be happier, too. You should go, Vin. Just come back." With Amelia, too, of course, but that was so obvious he didn't feel the need to say it.
His eyebrows rose ever so slightly. It was true that Amelia would be happier to see Ravi than Alex, the man who'd raised her versus the father she barely knew, but Ravi would be happier with Alex along than anyone else. "I would miss you as badly as I miss her," he said.
"S'why you come back," he replied, the corner of his mouth twitching. "What's a month or two, eh?" His eyes wandered away from Ravi, scanning unfamiliar figures, absently sizing them up. "In the face of seventeen years."
He frowned. "A month or two is less time than the trip will take. If I am gone, it will be a year or more." Still, a single in the face of seventeen was not that long, but so soon after finally getting Alex back? It would hurt, even if he did find Amelia quickly.
Oh, a year? He looked back at Ravi, brows up in murky surprise. "So--" Wait. A year or more... to Siam... "She's not even there yet?" he asked, baffled.
He paused to think it over, chin in his hand as his eyes narrowed and drifted ceiling-ward while he did the calculations. He knew an awful fucking lot about trade routes and travel times, but admittedly sea travel was not the one he had personal experience with. Iravati talked about it a lot, though. "No, probably she is," he said finally, straightening and looking to Alex, lowering his arm to the table. "A month and a half, about, sailing straight to Siam, I think."
Okay, that made more sense. How would Ravi have found her if she was still en route? His eyes drifted back to the rest of the tavern. "Bet you'd make it there faster on Neel," he said, propping his chin in his palm. "Warmer, too."
"Don't be--" He stopped. Actually, that wasn't a bad idea. He folded his arms, leaning back in his chair, with a distracted sort of slowness to the motion. His eyes returned to Alex after spending a moment out of focus, and he said, "A silly idea."
But maybe Indraneel would want to go...
"Nah," he replied, dismissing Ravi's dismissal just as easily as he'd dismissed him. "Bet he'd like to go somewhere else." Indraneel was such a good camper, but even he was beginning to show wear and tear from the city.
It was probably a good thing Innana's was so close. All the women were there, keeping their patrons warm, instead of in the tavern, where they'd only serve to give Alex a sensory overload. Human was human, male or female, but...
Correction: most of the women were at Innana's.
And damn, he was just lonely.
"Maybe," he relented. "I will ask." He had a feeling Indraneel would be open to the idea, and that would be somebody to go with... Not somebody he knew well enough to be very comfortable around, though, sadly. Maybe he could ask Damica? She'd think it was a stupid idea, augh. She would never pack up everything to head to Siam with him. He'd ask anyway though, or just let her know. She deserved to know, at least. He picked up his glass to drain the rest of it while he considered the possibilities.
Ravi's response was noise at best -- in the face of a rising thirst and loosening inhibition, a sound without meaning. Alex was focused on a woman three tables away, healthy and bright.
Healthy.
He shrunk back into his chair, lifting a hand to cover his mouth. It looked as if he was about to be sick on the floor, but it wasn't nausea from drinking that caused it, but the shreds of self-restraint that kept his other side from correcting the fact that he wasn't drinking that which it craved the most. Saliva leaking from the corner of his mouth crept into the crevices of his fingers. Tearing his eyes away from her felt like the most grueling thing he'd ever done.
Alex didn't want to see Ravi's face, his expression, or anything of his. He squeezed his eyes shut, stubbornly riding out the thirst.
He'd ruined him. He'd ruined himself.
Ravi's danger sense had been broken around Alex ever since he'd been bitten. At first it was too sensitive, sending him into a flight of panic at the smallest indication. Then they'd fought, and Alex had walked out because of it, and he'd forced it to break the other way, so that now he convinced himself not to be afraid because he was most certainly being overcautious and Alex would get angry.
So, when he saw Alex's odd behaviour, the intense gaze, the look like he was going to be sick, it was concern that Ravi reacted with, instead of the fear response that may actually have been warranted in this case. "Alex? Are you all right?" he asked, leaning across the table to reach out to him.
The brush of fingertips on his arm elicited an almost violent and clumsy response, Alex swatting his hand away immediately. Through clenched teeth he managed to grit out a, "Stop," and to whom it was directed at, Ravi or himself, one couldn't say for certain.
Ravi drew his hand back, confused, concerned, and watched Alex, not knowing what to think. His eyes darted over the other patrons. There were only a few watching, but to him it felt like the entire room was focused on them and Ravi just wanted Alex to stop drawing their attention. "What is wrong?" he asked, in a low voice, hoping nobody was listening in but feeling like everyone was.
Inhuman, inhuman, inhuman. His inhumanity. He was wrong. Alex was wrong. He was wrong only because the population of greater number said he was wrong. Illogical. There were more prey animals than humans, yet still humans decided what was and wasn't acceptable to eat.
He didn't have to kill anyone for it.
His muscles relaxed. He inhaled deeply through his nose, then lifted his head up. "Something...wasn't agreeing with me," said Alex, smiling wanly at him. He lowered his hand to his thigh, rubbing his saliva off onto his pants. "Sorry. It's passed."
That was about it for this night out, though. He needed to go somewhere secluded, away from living, breathing target marks. "Let's go."
Ravi threw another glance around the tavern, still feeling like they were the center of attention. He set his hands on the table and carefully pushed himself to his feet, turning his eyes back to Alex. "Alright," he said. It was a relief, to leave instead of being forced to stay when things had suddenly become inexplicably awkward.
He wasn't sure he trusted Alex's explanation. There was something he wasn't saying. But Ravi felt it would be a terrible idea to pry. He waited for Alex to lead the way to the door, saying nothing.
Alex rose slowly, dragging his coat with him, yet still his body swayed. Having a lower tolerance as a vampire was insult to injury. If he focused solely on walking one path, he could do it with minimal unintentional collisions. He did just that, out of the Fox'n'Crown and into the cold street.
His lips curled in distaste, unhappy with having left the warmness of the tavern. The bitter cold air slapped him in the face, and perhaps the only good thing about it was how it left him a little more aware, a little more alert. What he wanted to do was throw his arm around Ravindra's shoulders and lean on him, gleefully becoming dead weight, but he absolutely could not afford the risk now. Instead, he stopped a few meters away from the tavern and shook out the folds of his coat before slipping it on.
"We part ways here," he was saying, as he drew the laces over his torso tight. He didn't want to tell Ravi that he'd been craving human blood ever since that night. Ravi would become afraid of him again, and Alex didn't want to lose him like that. He wanted Ravi to go to Siam to find Amelia. He also wanted Ravi to go somewhere, anywhere away from Tyrol so that he wouldn't be here to witness Alex relenting to what he was.
Because he couldn't ignore it anymore. Tonight was as good an indication as any that if he didn't reconcile who he was with what he was, what he was would conquer who he was.
He didn't want to. He didn't want to walk away and leave Alex to find his own way home, swaying like that. But something was wrong and Alex wasn't telling him what, and Ravi didn't want to press. It would only start a fight at this point, he felt, and he'd like to avoid that.
He folded his arms, looking down, then raising his eyes to Alex's face. His brow furrowed. For a second he considered that this may be their last encounter face-to-face, if Ravi did decide to leave. (Who was he even kidding, he would definitely leave as soon as he found someone to come with him.) They'd spoken of Ravi returning, but he couldn't be certain Alex would be here when he did. It was a thought that made his chest tighten.
It could be his last chance to confess anything, to kiss him like he'd longed to for years.
His anxiety wanted him to just walk away and pretend everything was fine, told him they'd see each other again and it would be stupid to do anything right now. But he knew different. Tyrol was volatile. There was no guarantee at all. There wasn't even any guarantee that Ravi would be able to come back.
It was now or never.
Ravi took a deep breath and strode up to Alex, interrupting him as he laced up his coat to put a hand on the back of his neck and pull him down into a kiss.
The unexpected pressure of being pulled down caused him to stumble forward a half-step. There were wet lips on his, warm and inviting, and he was so starved for intimacy that he automatically began to respond, deepening the kiss. His hands found rest just below Ravi's shoulders, and it was then that he realized the arms he was touching were not that of a woman.
Who had been near him but Ravindra?
Realization dawned slowly on him, but when it did, it did. His eyes flew wide open, as did his almost-embrace, with a heavy gasp of breath as he jerked his head away. He'd taken a step backward, but it had been met with the pressure of Ravi's hand on his neck. It didn't stop him from trying to take another step back, bewilderment in his every move.
He'd kissed back. For that brief moment, Ravi was happy. Elated, even. It was the best thing to happen in his life since--since finding out Alex had come back.
When Alex broke it, pulling back, Ravi let him go, staring up at him, breathless.
Then the reality of what he'd done sank in, bringing with it a crushing sense of shame and embarrassment and regret. He looked away, taking a step back, fidgeting with the trailing end of his scarf. Those nervous actions that he usually suppressed but just couldn't right now.
"G--" He cleared his throat, tried again. "Good night." He turned to leave, hesitated, almost turning back, and then ran.
There was absolutely no brainpower left in him to make sense of what had just happened. He stared at Ravi's retreating figure with one shoulder lower than the other, his expression perplexed. He was long gone when Alex took a step forward, and then another, and finally began some semblance of a normal walk. If he weren't so blank, he'd be thankful that the cold meant less people for him to sway into, and he'd also realize that the shock of Ravi kissing him had utterly obliterated any lingering desires to feed on a person, but he was very, totally blank sans one thought:
What the flying fuck?